The Real Housewives of NYC Season Premiere (from 4/7)

YEAH! NYC is back! This is my favorite of all of the franchises. This is where we got Bethenny from, crazy Kelly Kiloren-Bensimon, bug-eyed Ramona, the man-voiced Countess LuAnn (I'd rather listen to Tardy for the Party than LuAnn's song Money Can't Buy You Class), strange Alex and Simon, the oh-so-annoying-and-needy Jill Zarin and even last season's new edition of Sonja was great.


Ramona is hosting a party tonight.  She is serving "Ramona" wine. I don't want to know what that tastes like. Alex and Simon are there.

Jill shows up to make everyone feel uncomfortable and Alex starts chugging wine. She is excusing herself but before she does she announces that she and Simon are on a committee for a march for gay marriage and that the women should wear wedding dresses.  I don't understand what happens here but everyone is laughing and Alex looks like she's being boxed out and she's annoyed. Whatever.


Jill is planning to go to Austrailia and Kelly is at her house wearing spandex. Like shiny black spandex pants.

Apparently Jill is a "real friend" to Kelly now. Jill needed someone when Bethenny smartened up.

Of course they sit and gossip about Ramona, Alex and Bethenny. 


Simon is wearing pink shoes. He and Alex are working together from home now because Simon has left the hotel business to start a media company.

Alex is now a model! That is out of left field. It seems to have gone to her head a bit because she's talking about how lucky she got with the gene pool because her parents were good looking.


Cindy is the new NYC housewife.  She owns "Completely Bare", a hair removal company. She didn't have a husband so she did IVF to have babies and ended up with twins. She's co-hosting an art show/auction/charity event that all the housewives are attending tonight.

Kelly steps out of a town car with LuAnn and her legs look especially manly. Alex and Simon show up - Alex in a turquoise dress and Simon in a blad jacket, red shirt, black leather pants with a red stripe down them.

The artist is taking photos of Jill, Ramona and Sonja and isn't asking Alex to be in the photo with them. She starts chugging champagne again and I think in her head she's saying "I'm the model here!!!"

The guests have to take their shoes off and dip them in paint to make the art. Gross.

Cindy's twins are at the event with their nannies. Jill starts gossiping to Kelly about Cindy and how she wants her doctor's number because she's got to be in her mid to late 40s (looks great after having twins) and she assumes there is no daddy. Of course when Cindy comes up to them and Jill asks her personal questions about if there is a baby daddy and if she carried the twins herself.

Everyone's feet are disgusting with paint and pieces of paper towel stuck to them.

So far I'm 30 minutes in and I'm bored. However, most of the premieres for the RH are this way...they need to ease into the drama.


Ramona is interviewing people to get a second assistant. I'm uncomfortable for every single applicant.

One is nervous because it is her first interview out of college. Ramona tells her that her outfit and her look is all wrong. Then she tells her that she is going to give her some of her skincare stuff because it looks like she could use some help with her skin.

Shut the fuck up Ramona you did NOT just say that. This poor girl.

The Man LuAnn is out to dinner with her boyfriend Jacques, Sonja and Sonja's friend Brian. Everyone seems to be ignoring Jacques or maybe they just can't understand him with his accent. He seems nice enough.


Ramona, Mario, Alex and Simon are at Ramona's house in The Hamptons. Ramona is pissed that Alex is taking so long putting on makeup for breakfast. I told you - this modeling thing has gone to Alex's head.

The four of them and Jill and Bobby are going to a wedding in The Hamptons. Ramona didn't tell Jill that Alex was also attending.

The gay marriage march is the next day and Jill used the excuse that she was going to a wedding out of town as the reason she couldn't march.  Drama.

Jill is shocked that Alex and Simon are there. Alex thinks she's a movie star and is wearing giant sunglasses and is making Jill feel uncomfortable because when Jill said that she was going to an "out of town wedding" she assumed she meant Florida, not The Hamptons. Basically telling her that staying in the Hamptons for the weekend is no excuse for not gay marching.

Alex and Ramona are both wearing white - I thought that was a major faux pas but what do I know?

After the ceremony Ramona is gossiping to Mario, Alex and Simon. I don't really understand the story - something about some dead guy's cigars in someone's mouth? Anyway, the guy she's talking has a ister who ends up RIGHT behind her and hears the whole thing. Hilarious.

Jill spends the time at the reception bitching about Alex and actually calls her a "fucking bitch" and that she's here socializing at a party that is "so above her". What a snob!?

HOLY SHIT! I was right. Jill's friend says that "traditionally it's improper to wear cream and white to a wedding."  I know stuff.

Alex and Ramona go and sit with Jill and her friends and Alex confronts her about the fact that she knew she was coming to this wedding but pretended not to? Something like that. These women have nothing else to fight about because this is just stupid.

Alex is really driving me nuts.

During this last commercial break I am seeing the preview for Watch What Happens Live (which I did not DVR) and I'm seriously frightened at what Jill looks like. What. The. Fuck.

Scenes for the season look great...Kelly's crazy is back, Alex is loving herself, Jill is fighting with everyone and Ramona is inappropriate. Just like old times!