The Real Housewives of NYC: Santa Does Henna (from 6/9)

We begin where we left off - Jill and Ramona's "fight" with both of them crying.  LuMann and Kelly join Jill to discuss what happened.

Cindy pokes in and tells her it isn't worth it.  Not sure why people thought it was worth being her friend before this.

Downstairs Ramona is crying with Alex comforting her. Sonja stands there with a leopard scarf around her neck that drags on the floor - someone could choke her if they stepped on it.  When LuMann comes in she asks Ramona why she's causing trouble and Alex shoos her away to get Ramona some Pino Grigiot.  There must be some in a box under Ramona's bed.

Everyone feels the need to come in and talk to Ramona about the situation. Just mind your own fucking business everyone! Ugh.

Everyone goes out to dinner. A belly dancer is flinging herself around the restaurant.  For some reason Ramona is treating her like a stripper and putting money in the dancer's waistband.  This whole thing is embarrassing.  Now Alex and Ramona get up and dance with one of the belly dancers. Oh my goodness I would leave.

The next day Jill, Alex, Sonja, Cindy and Kelly go somewhere to get some historical tour. Jill asks a million questions. This is boring.


Later on Alex checks in with Ramona to see how she is doing after the fight with Jill. Ramona is "crying" on a chaise lounge outside. Alex promises to be Ramona's wingman tonight.


LuMann, Kelly and Cindy get henna tattoos. Ramona and Sonja are upstairs in their rooms.

Well - because we had some thunderstorms tonight, my Direct TV obviously got a little messed up because suddenly I was on a commercial and now we are back and Kelly is telling Alex that she's being weird.  Alex has the worst timing ever.

It looks like Alex came downstairs to defend Ramona.  She says that Ramona asked her to protect her from LuMann. Holy cripes. If Ramona really said that - Alex isn't supposed to repeat it. What an idiot.

Kelly keeps telling her to stop and to just stay out of it but for some reason Alex thinks that during this Moroccan vacation while the ladies are getting henna done is the perfect time to discuss drama.

Kelly walks away talking to herself calling Alex an idiot and she's stupid.  She says something about Alex's scarf. It's equally as weird as Alex's ranting.  Somehow Kelly's tattoo is ruined and she blames it on Alex.  She comes back in and tells Alex that this is not normal behavior.  (I think there is a mirror over there Kelly...take a look.)  At one point she exclaims to herself "Who's going to fix my tattoo? Santa?"

They go outside and Kelly just shhsshhs Alex over and over again. Alex is shouting and has hives all over her neck and chest.  Kelly actually calms her down and tells her that sometimes it is better to observe and not participate in chaotic situations.  When the fuck did Kelly become the voice of reason??? If she hadn't said Santa would fix her henna tattoo and would just stop saying the word "weird" in every single sentence I would almost consider her borderline somewhat a teeny bit normal.


Sonja tells Ramona that she snuck a peek at the dresses that were made by the designer for them.  Ramona wants to sneak and look at it too. Ramona actually tries hers on over her clothes. She doesn't seem to like it so she tries on another. None of this seems like a good idea.  They run back to their room, Alex joins them and they discuss the events.


Downstairs, Jill, LuMann, Cindy and Kelly are sitting down for dinner.   Apparently Alex and Ramona asked for dinner to be sent to their rooms instead but they told the kitchen this and not the ladies.  LuMann and Kelly again say that Alex was acting weird and dark.  Damn - I can't believe Direct TV cut off Demon Alex.  Can anyone tell me what happened? I will watch "Watch What  Happens Live" after this so maybe Andy will show a clip.

Alex suddenly shows up looking shocked that dinner is happening. LuMann says the kitchen is closed so Alex can just have the salad that is already on the table.  Alex says she wasn't told about the 8:00 dinner but LuMann thinks she did and says that because she has an education, she should know that telling LuMann that she wasn't coming to dinner was the right thing to do.  Oh yes, I learned about that in my Dinner Etiquette in Morocco with Annoying Bitches 101 class.

Apparently LuMann got her Masters Degree at Condescending University.  She says to Alex "You started it, not me." Did I just see her stick her tongue out?  Alex continues to talk on and on and Kelly leads her out of the room telling her that she's saving her.  Kelly has a Bachelor's Degree from CU.

Kim Zolciak should step in and start singing "Tardy for the Party."

Ramona and Sonja burst into the room later (I don't know how much later than 8pm) and Ramona asks what is for dinner.  LuMann says "What dinner?" It's already done and they had their sent to their room. Or they had wine sent to their room - I guess that is the same thing to Ramona and Sonja...dinner=wine.

Ramona said that the wine was a 5:00 snack and everyone keeps calling each other "darling."  For those who didn't graduate from Condescending U, they must be taking evening courses.

Sonja walks away quietly and Ramona seems to wander around trying to find the exit.  LuMann gets up to storm off.   Oh wait, Ramona comes back with plates full of the "snacks" she was talking about.

It seems as though no one knew when dinner was except LuMann, Kelly and Cindy.  Jill had shown up earlier but was gone the whole time finding Diet Coke? She comes in the room at the end and says that she's starving. Where has she been?

Ramona pulls the apology "I'm sorry you feel hurt."  That's not an apology. "I'm sorry I hurt you" is an apology.

Oh - it's 9:30pm. Why didn't someone just call up to their room or go and get them? They waited an hour and a half because maybe some food was sent to their rooms earlier in the day?


The next day is packing day.  Jill and Ramona talk again. It is a much calmer situation. They say they will let bygones by bygones and try to be more sensitive to each other's feelings. We'll see.



Back in NYC Mario and Simon are out playing pool. Some woman joins them and Simon takes a picture of Mario posing with her.  Bad timing there, probably.


Belly dancing. Ramona in a bikini top. Enough said.

It is the night for the ladies to wear their designer dresses. They get their makeup done. They actually all look really great.

LuMann wants to everyone to say their favorite part of the trip and Alex starts going on and on about feelings. For some reason LuMann keeps saying "yahabibi".

The Real Housewives of OC: Season Finale (from 6/5)

Vicki had been hospitalized from ulcers in her colon. She got out of the hospital and filed for divorce. She's been crying for a while and for some reason during this entire first scene she just keeps rubbing her eyes over and over with her fingers, tissues or something else.  Gross, stop rubbing your eyes!!

Since she had already planned a "fall party" months ago, she's still going to put it on. Fucking idiot. But maybe it's in her Real Housewives contract. They need a big party at the end of the season for dramatic reasons.


Tamra is annoyed with Eddie as he tries to pick out an ugly shirt. But really she's just stressing about seeing Jeana at Vicki's party. Apparently she talked to the press and told them she witnessed Tamra hitting Simon.  She continues to bitch and talk about it to Eddie and I feel like he wants to bash her over the head...I certainly do.


Gretchen wants Slade to go to Vicki's party and I don't blame him for not wanting to do so.  Not only because they all talk shit about him but he makes a good point that Vicki always wanted to pass judgement on others' relationships and here she is going through a divorce.


Alexis has forgiven Vicki for bleeding out of her ass and missing the Alexis Couture party. She's getting dressed to head to the party.  For some reason Alexis has invited four of her friends. We know Jim isn't going since he hates everyone.

I have to repeat word-for-word what I just heard come out of Alexis' mouth.

"The problem with liberal America today is that this is the decade of being so liberal and women being able to run for president, women being able to do everything their man can do and excuse me, but I am a woman and I'm made from my husband's rib. I want to be the wife and be his baby and his cherish what he cherishes."

Oh yes Alexis...it is SUCH a problem that us women can actually do everything a man can. I am NOT made from anyone's fucking rib.

Please tell me all of you want to shove her head into her oven like I do.


Tamra is pissed that Vicki didn't tell her that she filed for divorce and that she had to read about it on the internet. Because it is ALL about you Tamra.  She has a letter from her lawyer to give to Jeana at the party about not talking to the press anymore. Eddie wants to throw her out the window of the limo.


Gross...when someone brings oysters over to Peggy, Eddie and some woman, Peggy says "Oysters...ooooh so we get horny?" No one should ever say the word horny. I hate it. But coming from Peggy it's even worse.

Oh wait...much worse coming. Eddie says "No, me get horny...you get the benefit."  I think my vagina just dried up forever.


Meanwhile inside, Tamra is talking to Vicki about the divorce situation and I can't get past the fact that she's wearing about 12 pounds of makeup.

For some reason when Vicki starts to cry Tamra's response is to yell at her and tell her to play with her boobs.  I'd hate to see her at a funeral.


On orders from Tamra, Peggy spreads the word to everyone at the party to not mention Don.  Awkward.


Peggy decides to confront Alexis about the lip comment in the limo while they were in Texas.  Alexis' dumbass doesn't actually "get" that Peggy is confronting her about being the asshole that she's been over the last few weeks. She actually thinks it is about plastic surgery. 

They keep calling each other 'honey' and Alexis tells Peggy that she's not "allowed" to talk about her husband.  This is the worst most boring argument ever.


Apparently Peggy agrees with me because that wasn't enough drama for her.  She confronts Jeana about saying things to the press about Tamra. They pull Tamra over. Jeana says the press twisted her words.

Tamra just keeps saying "really, really, really?" Then she suddenly grew balls and starts pointing her finger at Jeana and yelling at her.

What's up with Quinn's terrible wig?

Tamra throws her letter from her lawyer into Jeana's face. Jeana threatens to throw her in the pool. (Time to work on your comebacks Jeana). 

Tamra calls her a bitch and throws her wine directly into Jeana's eyes.

Jeana throws hers but since she's obviously blinded by the alcohol, the drink just hits some other chick in a blue dress. I was wondering why they actually "introduced" this girl earlier in the episode - its because SHE is the one who pushes Jeana from behind.

Less than a minute later, Jeana's man-boy throws his drink at the girl in the blue dress.

Tamra is no where to be found. Her balls disappeared.

Oh wait - she's out front in the driveway wearing no shoes.  She tells Vicki that Jeana tried to throw her in the pool and that's why she threw the drink in her face.

The blue dress bitch suddenly asks Quinn if she can borrow her wig because Jeana got her hair wet. Who is this fucking chick?

Alexis talks to Tamra and she says that she doesn't get into the press and that she doesn't read.  Big surprise. She probably thinks that she's not allowed to read because her husband does all the reading. Tamra says that Jeana pushed her and that's why she threw her drink. Is she THAT fucking stupid? There are cameras on you!

Gretchen basically tells Tamra that she did the same thing to her that Jeana did. Talked to the press about things that she didn't know anything about. Karma's a bitch.

The Real Housewives of NYC (from 6/2)

Oh yes, we left off when the psychic told Ramona that there was another woman. Both Kelly and LuMann are translating for Ramona and I can't believe I actually like Kelly right now.  LuMann keeps "shhsshhing" Kelly because she doesn't like that she's translating while LuMann is trying to interpret what the woman is saying.

Ramona is in denial of any kind of other woman. Of course she does because she's so full of herself. But also because this is a psychic.  Who the hell is going to listen to some psychic in Morocco about your life at home in the NYC?

Brad's friend pulls Ramona aside and tells her not to take things personally. Ramona says she knows lots of women hit on Mario, even LuMann the first time she met him.

Over in another conversation Jill says that she's heard from her "crowd" that Mario is cheating on Ramona. And she only brings this up to the ladies after a psychic does? What a bitch!

While farting, Sonja is crying and making it sound like she knows about Mario cheating. She's worried that Ramona is going to be separating from Mario. Do people actually leave their spouses based on what a psychic says??


The next day (?) the ladies are taking a van to go shopping. LuMann needs to run to the bathroom so she tells Sonja to save her seat for her in the front of the van.  When Cindy gets in 30 seconds or so later, Sonja tells her she's saving her seat for her and Cindy is just not having it.  For some reason Kelly forfeits her seat and leaves the van.  Looks like they are traveling separately.

Sonja is worried that her money will be stolen - but she's dressed like a "rich American" according to Jill.  She should be wearing a fanny pack in order to look like someone from whom people won't steal.

Yes...Jill is wearing a fanny pack.

Cindy confronts Sonja about her saving the seat in the van. Sonja is appalled. I used to love Sonja but she's going downhill quickly. Cindy is overreacting a little and I seriously wish I could put some duct tape over everyone's mouth right now except Kelly. I'm SHOCKED at myself for saying that.


Camel toe time. I mean...camel riding time. Sonja is scared to ride because she fell off the horse with Kelly a few weeks ago. But Alex thinks that something else is going on with her. I have no idea what kind of clues she's getting from her refusal to ride a camel. Sonja walks next to them.

LuMann's camel tries to buck her off several times. In the previews they made it seem like she was thrown off but this unfortunately did not happen.  LuMann gets off and one of the guides has to walk with it and it is almost throwing him on the ground.

At the end of the camel ride they all have dinner and drinks in a large tent in the middle of the desert. They are playing a "game" where they tell everyone something that they don't know about each other. Everyone's is pretty boring but somewhat upbeat.  Alex decided to tell them that her father died when she was 11 years old. Sonja tells them about all of her hobbies like taking baths and yoga.

Sonja talks about her fears of traveling to Morocco and everyone just tries to talk over each other. Cindy is finally fed up and she walks out. Of course, then everyone except LuMann and Kelly follow her outside and they all talk over each other out there.  Jill and Ramona start hugging for some reason.

The next day some of the ladies have diarrhea. This is more than I've ever needed to know about the Real Housewives. To make things worse, Sonja says that Ramona has blown up her room. Gross.

Everyone goes to some sort of spa. Kelly informs us that the scrub rub-down happens everywhere on the body. Gross.

I'm so bored with this Morocco trip, especially finding out that LuMann did NOT fall off a camel.

Jill and Ramona decide to have a talk about their fight later on at the resort.  Ramona tells Jill that she's two-faced. Ramona brings up lots of little comments that Jill has said, stupid jokes that Ramona takes too seriously.

They continue to talk over each other. I want to rip the ears off my head but I'm afraid that I would still hear them.

Jill jumps up and starts screaming at Ramona. Ramona doesn't doesn't want to hear anything Jill is saying. Jill tells Ramona that unless she apologizes to her they can never be friends. This still has something to do with the St. John trip and Jill's falling out with Bethenny.

Jill asks where her nice friend Ramona is and tells her that she's changed.  Ramona comes back with the very adult "You've changed...everyone says it."  I think she's going to put her thumbs against her temples and start waving her fingers saying "Neener neener neener!"

They end the conversation and they both cry.

Next week looks a little more interesting...lets hope so.