The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Dinner Party From Hell (from 2/15)

Normally I don't think I would recap an episode like this - an entire episode based on a dinner party that was part of an earlier episode. However, because the crazy bitchy Allison Dubois was involved and was VERY weird - I felt the need to talk about it. I also hope we find out more about this electronic cigarette thing. I don't get it.

(from www.allinks.us)



First of all, let me say that I LOVED the show Medium which is based on Allison Dubois. Patricia Arquette plays her and thank goodness she plays her as an actual human being that is likeable. If they had used the real Allison Dubois' personality, no one would have watched the show.

This dinner party is at Camille's house. She is friends with Allison Dubois and definitely invited her over to start trouble. Right away Allison announces that she hasn't had anything to drink yet and that she waited until she got there. That's a red flag soaked in vodka right there. Party, party, party!

Allison is very pretty, its too bad she's such a cuntwaffle.

Kyle is bringing her friend Faye Resnick. I don't know who this is but apparently she was friends with Nicole Brown Simpson and she posed for Playboy at some point in time after the O.J. trial. (This will be pointed out by Camille later on).

In the limo ride on the way, Taylor tells the rest of the girls that Allison Dubois was coming to the dinner party and said that when Allison drinks, she's more likely to get a feeling. Which is actually the exact opposite of the show - on Medium, she drinks to block out the dead people. I think what Camille actually meant was that when Allison drinks she just becomes more of a bitch than when she's sober but we'll see.

Sidenote about Camille: She's one of those people who says things that she thinks are funny and she says it in a way like she's being all nonchalant about it - but then bursts out laughing at herself. This is an annoying trait. People are always funnier when they don't laugh at their own jokes. And when the jokes are actually funny. And are actual jokes.

I don't think I want to be rich because I think they have to kiss everyone on both cheeks and never wear sweatpants.

Everyone is drinking from giant glasses of alcohol. Allison says "It's Saturday...see I'm still young so when Saturday hits I get all excited I'm like 'yeaaahh what are we gonna do, right? And that part of me still comes out."  Ok Allison, you were "still young" in the 80's...now you're just sad.

She's already drunk and everyone is staring at her awkwardly.

Camille must've written herself notes on what to say later on during the party because you can tell she's been thinking about this all night. "So, how do you know Faye? Who is Faye? I know she looks familiar but I don't know who Faye is."  Now keep in mind, Faye is sitting at the table yet Camille is asking Kyle.

Kyle: "She's a close family friend...I consider her like a sister."

Camille, ever so blandly: "Oh that's nice...oh you know where I know her? I saw her naked in Playboy."  

I'm so embarrassed for her that she is playing this off as if she didn't know who Faye was the minute she walked in the door.

Camille "She posed naked in Playboy after the O.J. trial, that's how I know her."

So is Camille saying she has a bunch of Playboys from 1995 that she reviews on a regular basis? Because suddenly remembering a Playboy spread (hee hee) from 15 years ago is not normal.

She plays it off and says she looked great. Then in the interview clip Camille in her subtle joking/laughing mode says "I recognized during the dinner, it was the hair, I think its the extensions and the blown up fake lips...but um...<insert laughs here>."

Ok now my "spread" joke isn't funny because the women used it in the same context. I sincerely apologize at the lame attempt at crotch humor.

Woo hoo, the electronic cigarette has made its first appearance. Allison is holding it as if its a joint and not a plastic butt. Evidently, the "smoke" is actually a vapor. I cannot think of a reason someone would "smoke" this electronic butt except to look like they are smoking a butt. It makes no sense. If she wanted to make it look like a real butt, she should have gone outside to "smoke".

Camille is upset that people are asking Allison questions about what she does because she invited her to be a guest at a dinner party, not to be a show pony. Why, then, did Camille announce to everyone when they walked in that Allison was THE Allison Dubois on which the show Medium is based? UGH.

Lisa Vanderpump, my favorite housewife, asks if her grandmother was there. Allison gives her some bullshit that I am not even going to waste typing out. But then she says to Lisa something about how she (the grandmother) raised her (Lisa) and that's why she needs her.  Cut to Lisa interviewing and she says she lost interest as soon as Allison said that because her grandmother did NOT raise her.

Everything Allison said was wrong and actually just some stereotypical nonsense about English people. She clearly feels uncomfortable that she screwed up so she backs it up with "I was studied by a scientist for several years. I was on Oprah in front of 70 million people. I'm kind of like a drug, once you get one you want it again." Oh well, then as long as you were on Oprah you are definitely the real thing.

Camille claims that the readings should be done one-on-one because personal stuff can come out. She even says out loud "If somebody's husband's cheating on them, she'll know it." Of course by the time this show aired, we ALL knew that Kelsey was cheating on Camille. Epic fail Allison...epic fail.

(from www.painstaking.net)



Allison tells Kyle that her husband will never emotionally fulfill her.  Taylor (in interview) wonders what dead person has all of this information about their emotional fulfillment. Suddenly, Taylor makes sense. Suddenly I like Taylor.

Allison is implying that there will be a split in Kyle's relationship and that Kyle is more comfortable talking to men than she is to women.  Camille jumps in and says "No, that's me...I'm more comfortable talking to men."  She should have known right there that Allison was reading her and not Kyle. Interesting.

Everyone is arguing now and Allison chimes in that she's had books written about her and by her and a show based on her life. Totally relevent to the conversation. 

Camille says she invited Allison because she thought it would provoke interesting conversation. However, Allison told them at the beginning of the night that she was 'off the clock' and Camille kept saying that she was a dinner guest and not a show pony. Is that blonde hair of hers so deep into her skull that she cannot see that she's a walking talking contradiction? 

When Faye stands up for Kyle and tells Allison that she's bored with her, Allison says "Well why don't you leave then? You have two legs, the last time we checked." I assume this was in reference to the Playboy shoot but how is that an insult...knowing she has legs. It would be an insult if she mentioned a furry bush or dinner plate sized areolas. 

Again - Taylor (in interview) cracks me up...I'm not sure why they didn't show her saying these things during the season because I think she would have been more likeable.  This is in response to Allison's leg comment to Faye.

"What is that supposed to mean? Now does she have these like dead people who can chop your legs off underneath the dinner table without you knowing it?"

Best. Comment. Ever.  On RH of BH anyway.

Allison claims that Kyle has achieved nothing in life. I beg to differ...she was in one of the greatest horror movies of all time AND in a classic scary Disney movie with the one and only Bette Davis. She's by far way cooler than Allison because of those two credits alone!!



(pictures from www.movieposterdb.com, www.sitcomsonline.com, www.freecodesource.com, www.mamapop.com)

Taylor grows a pair and stands up and says "ENOUGH!" Everyone stops talking and people get up to leave. As Adrienne pointed out - she should have that sort of conviction with her husband.

I truly wish someone would have thrown something at Allison. Or at least punched her.  She's flipping people off and making the "whack off" movement with her hand. I haven't seen anyone do that since freshman year in high school. She's completely obnoxious.

As soon as the women leave, Allison, Camille and the pointless other friend talk about them. Allison says "I can tell you when she will die and what will happen to her family. I LOVE that about me!" Camille laughs at this because clearly someone talking about death is hilarious.

Allison says that Kyle is a little bitch and she's that girl in high school that made people kill themselves. ????? Camille says something about not being their friend and Allison says "Friends? They can't even SPELL friends." Wow...between that and the legs comment we have some serious insults going on.

(www.funnyjunk.com)



In the limo afterwards, all the women (except Kim who was alone in another limo) talk about Camille's photos from some apparent soft core porn she did.  Yes...the same Camille who just said that Faye Resnick was morally bankrupt because of her Playboy shoot. Faye finds pictures on her phone and they pass it around in the limo and are in shock.

Of course, now my curiousity has piqued and I have to google "camille grammer pics porn".  Ew, ew, ew. She was most definitely naked in some compromising positions. I'm so grossed out.  Don't look.

Survivor Redemption Island: Season Premiere

I watched Survivor Season 1 and the most recent season. I’m going to try to recap this – it might be awkward at the beginning because there are so many contestants and it takes a while to become familiar with the names…but I’m giving it a try!

First thought: during the intro, Jeff Probst is sitting in the back of the helicopter that is open and hanging his feet out. Just chillin’ like he’s not up in the air hanging out in the butthole of a helicopter. It is making me nervous – I wonder if that was CGI.

Contestants names: Ashley, Grant, Kristina, Phillip, Natalie, Matthew, Francesca, Andrea, Mike, Stephanie, Ralph, Julie, Krista, Steve, Sarita, David. Returning contestants: Boston Rob and some guy with an ugly hat named Russell. I suppose you Survivor fans know who he is but I don’t. He’s beefy. I know Boston Rob somehow…I think because he married the another Survivor contestant and that was highly publicized.

There’s a guy in a suit and most of the girls are wearing earrings and a few have stilettos. Its like those women at the gym in full makeup on the treadmill. You know where you’re going – why aren’t you ready?

Since I saw the very first season I hate that Jeff calls the tribal rags “buffs”. Maybe I don’t like the word buff.

A new twist this season – when someone is voted off, they do not go home, they are sent to “Redemption Island” by themselves. When the next person is voted off and goes to the island, they square off in a “duel” to see who actually goes home. Sounds exactly like Real World/Road Rules Challenges.

There is a boy with long blonde hair, similar to Jud’s who won last season. They nicknamed him Fabio last season. Please don’t let them nickname this guy Fabio too. How outdated is that reference? There are lots of guys with long hair.

Jeff warns everyone that it will rain a lot in Nicaragua. I’d ask him to have that helicopter come back for me right then and there.

Jeff, stop saying Shambo. Stop saying Shambo.

The two tribes are building their shelters. On the orange tribe, Phillip is telling all the women what to do. Oh…he just screwed himself by telling the females that he’s a former federal agent and that he’s an expert at reading people and knowing if they are lying. He should have kept his mouth shut and used his skills to his advantage.

I always question people who try to make alliances on the first day. I don’t care if you worked for the CIA or you’re Miss Cleo, you do not know if you can trust someone within the first 24 hours of meeting them.

Ok, Mike, the Iraqi War Veteran on the purple tribe is wearing jeans. Seriously?

OH NO, Phillip is wearing tighty-hot-pinkies (tighty-whities that are pink). The Fabio guy (yeah, I know…I just did it) is wearing boxer briefs and another girl has boy short underwear that must’ve been up her ass because they blurred out her butt as she walked down the beach!

Wow, I hate Phillip and his pink undies. He’s incredibly condescending and conceited. Plus, he’s wearing pink undies.

(from www.survivorsucks.com)



First immunity challenge is an extravagant race with stairs and a pyramid. I remember the first season them pretty much just standing on logs for hours on end to see who could stay on longest. Now they have a budget and its like Double Dare.

The purple team wins the first immunity challenge. This means someone from the orange team aka the Underwear Crew will be sent to Redemption Island.

Holy shit. They just showed a snake that I was scared of even though it was on TV. If I saw that thing out there I would poop my pants on national television. I just tried to find a picture of one similar to it in Google Images (I couldn’t) but now I am going to have nightmares. Damn!

The woman with big boobs, Kristina, on the orange tribe found the immunity idol. She has told Francesca and Phillip about it. I think Kristina is digging herself in a hole up to her big boobies. 

Phillip is making more of an ass of himself at the tribal council. He can’t say Francesca…he keeps saying Franchweska and he blamed it on his dry throat that he’s getting treatment for.

He totally outed Kristina for having the immunity idol and made himself look crazy.

Holy shit. They just showed a frog that looked to be on the bucket where they deposit the votes. If I saw that thing out there I would poop my pants on national television.

Francesca has been voted out and is heading alone to Redemption Island. I’m scared for her with those snakes and frogs around.

Jersey Shore–The Poop Chronicles (from 2/17)

Well we’re automatically starting off on a good note because last week SAMMI WENT HOME!!! YEAH!

Ronnie is sad so he’s smokin’ butts on the roof deck. I just realized that there is an amusement ride very close to their house, when you’re on it, it looks like you can see everything on the roof. I wonder if that is the appeal of the ride.

“2 tokens to take a ride that overlooks the infamous Jersey Shore hot tub/roof deck. Rated R for nudity, sexual situations, violence and strong language”

People on the ride are watching Ronnie cry like a little girl. Well, not a little girl. A big fat girl.

The Situation arrives to help Ronnie by using every cliché quote in the book. If he says “The past is history, the future’s a mystery and now is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.” I’m going to shoot myself.

On another Situation note: why does he have designs shaved into his hair? Does it say Bel Biv Devoe?

The cameras have followed Sammi home. WTF? I thought we were rid of her? Her dog almost committed suicide by jumping over the railing on the stairs when she arrived home.

Ronnie is talking to the remaining girls and they are basically ignoring him. Why isn’t Cinderella “Don’t Know What You Got ‘Till its Gone” playing in the background? Maybe Ronnie will go listen to it and cry.

Because the house is beginning to seem like a funeral parlor, Deena and Snooki decide to put cake in Vinny’s hair. That’s the only logical thing to do when you’re bored and people are depressed, right?

Pauly D. is excited because now they can start a prank war. Deena and Snooki hide under their beds. I’m not sure how they fit, it must look like when a kid hides under a blanket and thinks that because he can’t see you…you can’t see him.



Vinny fills a water balloon at the sink and drops it before tying the knot. Since that didn’t work, they decide to take dog poop from the trash and put it in a ventilated plastic bag.

(BTW: Pauly D.’s hair has so much gel in it tonight, that it looks silver.)

The bag of poop goes under the pillow and Pauly D. says “Perfect. That will be there for weeks.” Who just gagged because that’s probably true?

Of course, Snooki and Deena are hiding under the bed so they know that something has happened so the poop bag gets transferred to Vinny’s bed.

The next prank is ruined by The Situation because he always opens his mouth. Vinny took Snooki’s stuffed crocodile and hung it with a rope over the railing of the deck. When Snooki notices it missing she searches through the house saying “Croc?” and Mike blows it up by showing her where it was.

(BTW: Pauly D. is so tan that even though he’s wearing a black tank top and black pants, it looks like a full bodysuit because his face and arms are the same color as the clothes.)





All three toilets in the house are clogged. All the blame is on Ronnie which doesn’t seem right because just a short while ago he was pissing and bleeding out of his ass.

Vinny is using a wire hanger to snake the toilet which doesn’t work. We see the brown water splashing around.






At work, Snooki needs to poop but Ronnie is crying in the bathroom so she has to hold it in.

Back at the House of Depression, the group discusses how Ronnie isn’t going to be “Single Ronnie” because he’s so sad.  When Ronnie arrives, he gets on the phone to place an order for roses for Sammi and her sister since it is her sister’s birthday.  The woman asks if he wants to add a balloon, a teddy near or chocolate with it and of course Ron says “How about all three?”

How’d you let him get away, Sam?

The boys take Ronnie to get haircuts while the girls move Sammi’s stuff from the upstairs bedroom down to their room. While packing things up Angelina-Style (in garbage bags), JWoww discovers a smell and they come to the conclusion that she just picked up “dirty drawers”. Someone pooped in their pants and it was either Ronnie, Sammi or the Situation.

For some reason it is a big secret that they took Sam’s things so both JWoww and Deena deny it. I don’t get it.

Later on, Deena has a belly ache and realizes that she, like the toilets, are backed up.  Snooki suggests coffee because then it will “flow out of your butthole like friggen rainstorm.”

Pauly D. is in the bathroom getting “fresh to death, as I do”. At least that’s what I think he said. I’m 32 and a mom…I don’t know this lingo.


He sees some disgusting panties, needs to investigate them because you can’t get fresh in a bathroom with dirty underwear, so he takes them out of the room with a plastic fork. Why there was a plastic fork readily available in the bathroom is beyond me.

MTV has blurred out part of the panties, but it is clear that there are some yellow-ish brown stains inside these lacy white undies. Seriously?

He lays the underwear down with the fork on the red bean bag chair in the living room.  Deena and JWoww deny that they are theirs and someone points out that they can’t be Snooki’s because there is no bronzer on them…(or is there?)

Before going out everyone makes fun of Deena for being constipated. Pauly D. announces that the “cabs ah heeeah” and he dives right on the bean bag chair where the crusty underwear were!!

(BTW: At the club, Ronnie’s wearing the ugliest shirt – almost like a bowling shirt and with sparkly designs on the back and although I paused it to see that it says “Black ‘n Royalty” (I think) I seriously thought it said “Bone, Thugs & Harmony”.)

Depressed Ronnie whines about missing Sammi to Snooki and I really hate that he says “Schnooki.” It’s like when people call it a papschmear.

Despite Deena’s constipation problems, she gets completely wasted, falls down on the way home and starts crying about missing her friends. Ronnie actually cheers her up before he attempts to cook some gross frozen hamburger patties on the grill that has no propane. Did they pop those burgers out of a can?  Spamburgers.

Back at the house, The Situation falls onto the bean bag chair twice to make fun of Deena. Don’t they remember the dirty underwear? You know they didn’t clean that bag.

Snooki brought home a guy from the bar to have sex with, she doesn’t remember his name even though he told her it was Gianni about 6 times on the walk home. They go to the “smush room” to have sex on the disgusting bed that has no sheets. I’m thinking that there MUST be some poop schmeared on that mattress.

Until next week, stay regular.

                                                                

Bad Girls Club aka “Full Grown Mature Char” (from 2/14)

I didn’t even post a recap from the last episode because it was pretty lame but I put it up so that it makes sense going to this week’s episode.

Does anyone else bob their head along with the theme song? For some reason I love it.

Char says “Words cannot describe how much I could care less about Sydney being gone.”
HELLO??? It’s “couldn’t care less”. 

She’s now on the phone with her friend saying that she’s so mature – and I LOVE that Oxygen cuts in all the clips of her acting like a child. I love it.

I can’t stand looking at Nikki. Yes, it is pure shallowness but I can’t stand that she has no lashes and barely any eyebrows. It’s like they were burned off in a freak accident.

The “ladies” (using that term VERY loosely) go out to a bar to eat and drink. Char is too mature for Nikki and Lauren Lips so their burping is just upsetting her.

That night, Jessica is sick so she’s chugging some sort of medicine. She’s in the “confessional” room and saying that there are bugs all around and they are making her sweat…she jumps up on the seat. I think you took too much of that cough medicine, dear. Or maybe she just dropped some acid, I don’t know.

(from www.theopenend.com)

The skanks head out in some classy outfits. As one describes Nikki’s – it’s like a “under wear, a bra and then a dress in between.”  Believe me, no one wants to see Nikki’s crotch. Even though she has no eyelashes or eyebrows, I have a feeling there’s a jungle down there.

Char is jealous that Nikki is making out with some dude at the bar so she claims the guy is “shady” and it is embarrassing.

Suddenly, Natalie Nunn from Season 4 shows up. Talk about a reality TV whore. She shows up at the club on every season of the BGC. I cannot STAND this girl. She’s the one who always says “I run LA”. Ok no one besides me and the other 25 people that watch the Bad Girls Club know who you are.

(from http://www.zimbio.com/)

(I have to warn you – don’t Google images of Natalie Nunn because I saw what seems like a still from a sex tape and she has some ugly nipples).

Of course Lauren Lips is STARSTRUCK by Natalie. This doesn’t surprise me. Char is upset about this because she’s too cool for Natalie. I’m going to have to agree with that, actually.

Char doesn’t like people around her that do embarrassing things and she doesn’t like to be embarrassed…why the fuck did you audition for The Bad Girls Club? Next to Las Vegas Jailhouse or Cops this is the most embarrassing show to be on. Well and any VH1 reality show.

She also says she’s “too grown”. Why do people think that “grown” and “mature” are the same thing? We have a full grown dog who eats his own poop. Grown does not equal mature.

Full grown Char is walking around the house in tiny purple boy short underwear and a tank top that is pulled up so her stomach is revealed. She’s putting her fingers into an “L” on her forehead to explain that someone is a “loser”. Now all she needs is some Cheetos cheese on her fingers and she’s in Britney Spears territory.

Kori (blondie) pulls Char aside for some reason to tell her about her childhood. She was basically abducted and thrown into rehab by her parents when she was 12 because she ran away from home and was misbehaving. She wasn’t doing drugs or drinking at that time, just being “bad”. I am so distracted by the fact that she talks out of the right side of her mouth and I just keep wondering if she had a mini-stroke or something.  Oh – and we find out Kori wanted to tell Char this because she’s so “mature”. Seriously.

Anyway, Nikki invites the guy she met at the bar and his friends over. Char, viewing their entrance from the balcony upstairs says that the roommates “have men spending the night that don’t get up and go to work in the morning. I’m grown, like, I don’t want a man that does not have a job.” Ugh, enough with the grown!

Nikki changes from her mini dress and climbs into bed very asexually with a sports bra and what looks like boxer briefs. She claims (to the camera during interview time) that Char needs to pick up her game because she’s taken home more guys and gotten more numbers.

If picking up your game means picking up some herpes, I’m not sure people want to follow your lead Manly-no-eyebrows-Nikki. But damn, go to Victoria’s Secret if you’re going to have sexy time with strangers.

The next day full grown Char is laying on the couch, legs spread open while wearing cotton bikini underwear. She’s really showing her maturity here. At the bar later that night she sees a guy she thinks is cute, a “blasian” (black and Asian guy). Miss Maturity writes on a napkin “Do you like her, check yes or no?”

The guy has a girlfriend and her friend comes to say something to the “seventh grader” who wrote the note. Hilarious.

Back at the house, Char and Kori are making fun of Lauren Lips’ accent. Lauren pushes Char and now they are arguing by pointing their fingers into each others face. Char tells Lauren she’s “going to look like Oprah” (?????) and then throws water at her.

Somehow Lauren’s strapless dress comes down as she fights with Char and Kori. Kori just keeps throwing her body at Lauren as if her arms are stuck to her side. Lauren is actually throwing punches.

Char says she’s not a child, she’s 27 and she did that when she was 21 and 25. I guess at 22, 23 and 24 she kept her mouth shut.

I’m so sick of this mature, grown shit, especially coming from someone who is clearly the most immature in the house. The next day she’s AGAIN walking around in her underwear and making stupid comments to Lauren Lips. She goes over to the corner of the living room in her undies to workout.

When Kori walks in the room, Char says “The beluga whale has been quiet all morning, she must be sick or something!” talking about Lauren. OMG. PLEASE someone punch Char in the vagina. Please.

Bravo again to Oxygen for showing previous clips to prove the hypocrisy!!

That night at the club Natalie is there again (surprise, surprise). She introduces some singer who is wearing a black leather bathing suit, fishnets and a side ponytail.

I definitely think Char has won the honor of the most annoying “Bad Girl” ever. I’m actually embarrassed for her.  She’s repeating the insults she spewed in the limo to herself in the kitchen. Most of it doesn’t even make sense.

Next week there’s a call from Playboy, a new roommate who thinks having fun means getting naked and lots of fighting between Full Grown Char and Lauren Lips.

FEEDBACK!

Good morning my wonderfully awesome blog readers!!

I would like to ask you for a favor...I want to know what you like about my recaps. If you have a chance, either comment below the post you're reading or send me an email at whoopsiegirl@gmail.com.

These are things I'm interested in hearing:

1.  What particular parts made you laugh out loud, if any?

2.  Would you rather simple recaps or do you like when I add pictures?

3.  Do you like the new additions of me including Amazon.com products that relate to what I'm talking about for that particular show? (ie. Monistat 7 link when talking about Sammi's too tight shorts, Reality Bites DVD when talking about Jenelle & Reefer's hemp necklaces)

4. Are there other reality shows you watch that you would enjoy hearing me recap? And no, I will absolutely NOT watch American Idol so don't even mention it. :-)

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6.  Any other comments are welcomed - help me to make my blog better and more exciting for you to read!

THANKS!!

(from http://www.timthethief.com/)



Upcoming Recaps

The Bad Girls Club - from 2/14

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - The Dinner Party From Hell - from 2/15

Survivor: Redemption Island - Season Premiere - from 2/16

Jersey Shore - from 2/17

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Parts 1 & 2 - from 2/13 and 2/20

The Bad Girls Club - from 2/21

Teen Mom 2 - from 2/22

The Real Housewives of Miami - Season Premiere - from 2/22

Survivor: Redemption Island - from 2/23

Jersey Shore - from 2/24

Teen Mom 2 (from 2/15)

We’re starting off with Chelsea. She’s worried that even though things are going smooth right now with the Three’s Company situation, (Chelsea is DEFINITELY Chrissy Snow) things might change because Mr. Furley is going to make Jack pay rent.

Whoops I mean Chelsea’s Dad is going to make Adam pay rent.

Adam is mumbling something about if he has to pay rent then he shouldn’t have to pay child support. Apparently being a father to him only means MAYBE paying rent, not actually buying things for the child. I mean, that’s what Chelsea’s dad is for, right?


Jack, Chrissy and Janet are hanging around discussing their absence of food. They have two Toaster Strudels left. Yum!

Jack is pissed at Chrissy because she asked him to pay rent but she hasn’t asked Janet to pay yet. I’m kinda with him on this one, but poor Janet is screwed in this deal. She was livin’ large for free since Jack came back.

Now, I’m going to stop referring to Three’s Company because I actually love Jack Tripper and I do not like Baby Daddy Adam.

Chelsea, Aubree and her dad, Randy, meet up for lunch so she can give her dad an update on her schooling.  Randy suggests that maybe she get a job at a tanning salon and who knows? She might meet a nice guy there. Evidently, Randy has not seen the Jersey Shore.

Adam and Megan are fighting back at the house. Megan texts Chelsea that she’s staying at her parents’ house for the night.


Adam finds out Megan’s cell number and sends her the following text:

“hey if u cant pay rent or nething u have to move out”

I hope she responds with “If you can’t spell correctly you need to be kicked in the nuts.”









Sometime in the future, Chelsea is having a conversation with Megan on her cell and I’m pretty sure both of them only heard about 2 words they said because they are both talking at the same time.  I HATE that about cell phones.

Megan is moving out and all of the sudden she starts screaming and swearing at Adam. Megan makes a great point as she leaves the house – that she was there for Chelsea when Adam treated her like shit. I may dislike Chelsea more than I dislike Adam.

Chelsea and Megan must’ve bought some furniture together and now have to split it up because there is a giant wicker basket chair in the living room with no cushion. Somewhere at Megan's parents' house is a big cushion on the floor.


Jenelle has been kicked out of her mother’s home. She and a random dog are crashing on a tacky couch at her friend’s house. This couch is that “hotel pastel” color.  You know what I’m talking about. The kind of couch you don’t want to sit on.

Barbara still hasn’t submitted her information for Jenelle’s financial aid yet somehow Jenelle went into the financial aid office looking TOTALLY sober thinking there would be some magical solution.

Jenelle’s mom finally fills out the paperwork. Jenelle decides to stop by the house to see Jace and thank Barbara for the paperwork. Barbara invites Jenelle to Jace’s birthday party.

Jace pretty much sprints out of the room after a toy truck and Jenelle is surprised that he’s walking. Clearly he’s been doing it for a while because he’s a pro. Barbara says he’s been doing it for a week now. Jenelle still doesn’t interact with him like a mother should with a son. No laughing, smiling, tickling. It is quite sad.

Jenelle bought some sort of Spiderman toy for Jace’s first birthday.  Barbara tries to convince her to return it and buy Jace a silver cup with his name on it because he doesn’t even know what presents are. I’m not sure what the silver cup is either. I guess she’s planning on him chewing tobacco and needs a monogrammed spit cup in the future.

It’s the day of the party and we know this because of the balloons out front, some random man outside the sliding glass door and three family members that stop by.

The Spiderman toy is actually a little four wheeler and even Jenelle’s 12 year old family member knows that he’s too little for it.

While sitting at the table during cake time, there is a tweaker sitting next to Jenelle who is also wearing a hemp necklace. Ok, if it weren’t for the modern day cell phones and the fact that Jenelle is wearing “Silly Bandz” I would seriously think this was being filmed in 1994.

Next week, it looks like Jenelle and Reefer are no longer eligible to stay on the pastel couch. Maybe they should move onto those couches that were outside on the lawn that one time.







Kailyn and Isaac are still homeless since Jo’s parents kicked them out. Kim, Kailyn’s friend who wears the side ponytails and painted on shorts on trips to Staples is being uber supportive by driving Kailyn somewhere and telling her “Your life just sucks.”

She reveals to Kim and the cameramen that she doesn’t want to be with Jo. I guess two people that have no personality at all aren’t a good match after all. Maybe one of them has to be funny or smart for the relationship to last.

Kailyn is telling her mother about the situation. For some reason her mom keeps referring to Jo by his full first name, Jonathan and doesn’t use “he” or “him”.

Kailyn’s mother wants her to reconsider not wanting to be with Jo because of the financial aspect.  Awesome advice.  Clearly she doesn’t want Kailyn to move in and I think the whole purpose of this visit was a big “hint hint” from Kailyn.

So not only does Jo have long fingernails, he also wears socks with sandals.

Kailyn always looks miserable. She’s miserably sitting in her car waiting for Jo to get in and she’s pouting. Jo miserable mug gets in the car so they can have a talk. They have a miserable conversation and say their miserable goodbyes.

They are back at Jo’s parents since they have no place to go and they want to talk to Kailyn and Jo about their situation. It is another miserable conversation where no one looks at each other in their eyes.  I don’t know where Kailyn thinks she’s going to go but she’s refusing to move in with Jo anywhere.


Leah and Corey still have to wait another month before Ali’s MRI. In the meantime, a development specialist is at the house to assess the situation.

I would comment on the ugly couches in the background but I feel so bad for Leah. I can’t imagine what she’s going through.

Ok, it is a new scene and I see a completely different couch. How many damn couches to they have? They probably could have afforded a nicer house if they just stopped buying couches.

MTV has not taken my request for Corey subtitles into consideration so I’m a little lost.  I can tell because of Leah’s end of the conversation that they are talking about their daughter.

Another day, Leah and Corey go to get their pictures taken with the twins. Thank goodness Corey isn’t wearing a hat. When the babies smile, they look JUST like Leah! They are too cute.

Oh no, I spoke too soon. Not only is Corey wearing a hat, but so is Leah and they are in camouflage for their next photos. Is it terrible that I suspect they also posed with beer cans and rifles but MTV just didn’t show those shots?

The two lovebirds leave the girls with the grandparents and they go on a date to the county fair. Leah tells Corey she’s getting on birth control and Corey says he wants another baby – a boy. He then says they could go to the courthouse tomorrow and get married. What a romantic!

I take that back because he’s now in a fancy jewelry shop buying Leah an engagement ring. And by fancy, I mean there are paintings on the wall that would go awesome with the hotel-pastel colored couch that Jenelle’s sleeping on.

Bad Girls Club (from 2/7)

DISCLAIMER: I never posted this one from last week because nothing happened but I’m posting it anyway just in case I recap the one from 2/14. I apologize if it isn’t funny or doesn’t make sense, I didn’t even re-read it like I normally do before posting.

We left off last week with the fight between new girl, Ashley and Lauren Lips. Ashley had Lauren by the neck.

I don’t even remember what the fight was about at this point.

Suddenly blondie has Ashley’s hair and will not let go and vice versa.  I can’t imagine how much it would hurt if these girls didn’t have extensions!

People keep separating everyone but they are all running and escaping! Looks like Ashley is leaving in a van as the rest of the girls in Bad Girls Club fashion, throw all of her belongings out in the yard.

Cops came again…no one is arrested.

The next morning, Ashley’s things are in a pile in the yard and that includes a big curly black wig…if I didn’t know any better, I’d think someone was actually passed out underneath the pile of stuff. It was a little creepy.

For some reason, one mattress is lifted up against the wall and there is a towel and a bucket in the middle of the boxspring. I hope someone explains this because it makes no sense at all. Is the ceiling leaking? Did someone use that to puke and if so, why is the bucket in the middle of the boxspring and not on the floor?  Is there some sort of animal sacrifice going on? Is there a human head in there? Perhaps the head that belongs to the hair in the driveway? It could be anything.

The girls go out to the bar in hopes of picking up some guys. Manly Nikki makes out with a guy and her tongue is lapping him up like a dog with his head in the toilet. Gross. Who taught her to kiss like that?

Nothing crazy happens.

The next morning, Ashley walks up – apparently she wasn’t kicked off, she just stayed in a hotel for a day.

For some reason lots of these girls when they are excusing their fighting behavior, they say “I’m from __________” fill in the blank “and we don’t put up with that” or something along those lines. I want to hear one of them say something like “I’m from Fart, Virginia and we know how to fight.”

Real city name…seriously. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1590659/top_50_cities_with_funny_names_from.html

Lauren calls Ashley “an extra” as an insult. She’s SUCH a bad girl. Next she’s going to whip out the “nitwit” or “geekburger” a la Kimmy Gibler.

Jem calls from her on location video shoot with the Holograms. She’s coming back, Ashley picks her up from the airport.

Char is upset that Jem isn’t picking sides upon her return.

Nikki and Lauren go to a tattoo parlor. Lauren gets “GTL” tattooed inside her bottom lip. We have a Jersey shore crossover! Fucking loser.

Lauren gets “fuck you” tattooed in HER bottom lip. Fucking loser.

Char – the person who has thrown clothes, cameras and other’s belongings over the balcony into the yard and the pool – claims that because she is 27, she and her friends are much more mature than the other girls. However, she is angry at Jem for writing on Ashley’s picture that she’s her “best friend”.  Someone get Char a dictionary please! She does not know what the word “mature” means.

We’re now a 1/2 hour in and nothing has happened. BORING. Miami was much more exciting.

The girls get a package the next morning that says “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go to San Francisco!” Since when is San Francisco a “bad girls” place?  It just didn’t sound right.

Shouldn’t it have been Vegas or Miami or something?

Jessica is excited for the “safe deposit box” in the hotel room’s closet.

While preparing to go out in San Fran, Nikki uses a “bump it” in her hair so she has a poof in front like Snooki. (Jersey Shore crossover!) Char says that people are going to be like “I want to climb Mount Everest, can I climb you?”

Crickets…at least on our end. Lauren thinks this is hilarious and probably pees a little. I hope there was something cut out that was actually funny because otherwise this is just sad.

Nikki asks a guy at the bar how old he is and he says “It starts with twenty and rhymes with ‘ive’”.

Crickets.

Seriously Oxygen? This is the shit you’re giving us?

Jem is trying to pick up a guy by talking about her bisexuality. Is she 21 and is this 1999?  It works because she’s making out with him despite the fact that she has a boyfriend. This is the second time she’s cheated.

Suddenly a man in a sailor suit is sitting next to Lauren, trying to get her to talk. I’m so confused.

Nikki is wasted, laying on the floor of the limo, her dress is riding up and down at the same time.

The next day the girls go sailing, complete with a “king of the world” Titanic reference. What’s next a trip to the library to sit through a reading of The Grapes of Wrath? BORING!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m seriously considering just erasing this entire recap because it is just not worth talking about. All of the girls seem miserable and annoying.