The Real Housewives of NYC (from 5/19)

LuMann and Sonja are out to lunch. Does LuMann ever grow her hair out or change it in any way? It seems like it looks exactly the same all the time.

They are discussing taking a trip with all the girls to Morocco. Everyone seems in except for Kelly. If you remember correctly she went a little crazy on her last trip with the ladies.

Another day, LuMann and Ramona are walking down the street and LuMann says that she likes that Ramona has her high heels on because at least she's as tall as she is. And then Ramona said she likes being at her level.

Am I missing something?


They sit down for tea and LuMann gets right to it. She thought Ramon's party was nice and the wine was good but it was too bad that Ramona had to cheapen it by having it out with Jill in front of her guests.  She tells Ramona that she needs to be careful with what she says because she hurts people's feelings.

Ramona's response is one that I hate "At least I say it to people's faces and not behind their back."  THIS DOESN'T MAKE IT OK TO BE A FUCKING BITCH!  People use that excuse all the time "At least I'm honest." I'd rather you shut your mouth or lie than be honest if you're going to be an asshole. Being honest isn't an OK to hate on people.

Side note: LuMann is wearing some kind of Christmas decoration as a necklace.

Of course nothing is Ramona's fault and she has done nothing wrong. I hate Ramona more now than I ever have.



Sonja is having a photo shoot for her toaster oven cookbook that Kelly says hasn't even been written yet.  She's on top of the dining room table in a gown with no underwear on and Kelly gets to see her vagina.



Cindy, Jill, Kelly and LuMann are going on a little trip to Canyon Ranch.  Kelly tells them about Sonja flashing her vagina and she mentions that she's never seen another vagina except her own. What? Not even in a movie or anything? I've seen so many because I watched every birth I could possibly find on Youtube while I was pregnant.

When talking about relationships and how Kelly can't find a good man, she mentions that she's been slapped in the face by a man before. That's basically all that happens but the commercials made it sound like Kelly was going to reveal this big deep, dark secret. Not saying that it isn't a horrible thing to be slapped in the face, but the commercials were much more dramatic about it. We didn't even hear the story about it.

It takes 6 hours to get to the ranch. Cindy (who set up the trip) has gifts for the ladies, embroidered robes.  LuMann says in interview "Of course Jill opens it up in the lobby as if nobody else is staying in the hotel...really darling, never open a gift in the middle of a hotel lobby." But isn't this LuMann's hand, holding her own robe?

This place is a spa and the girls do some kind of drumming class. They go around the room and say something about themselves that no one knows. 

LuMann: "I like to wear large jewelry when I'm drumming."  <---or eating. or walking. or talking. or breathing.

Kelly: "I have an obsession with smells."  Now that I think about it, it does seem like she's always scrunching her nose up smelling something bad.

Jill: something about her hair not being naturally red.

Cindy: "I'm not as tough as I appear."  This was the best answer yet because it was deeper than the other three.  However, Jill thinks she should have told everyone that she has fake teeth.

At dinner menopause comes up and Cindy asked if they've seen "The Vagina Monocles". Obviously, we know it is the Vagina Monologues.  LuMann makes fun of her for saying it and puts here fingers around her eyes to imitate glasses. Yeah...countess? "Mono" means one.

This is a monocle.

Kelly tells them that she's not going to Morocco because she's too sensitive and can't be around Ramona. Why is everyone so afraid of her?



Ramona, Sonja and Alex go to Ramona's plastic surgeon for a consult. I think Alex and Sonja thought they were just going to support Ramona but Ramona thinks that they could use a few touch-ups.

Alex is in a chair and the woman is taking off all of her makeup. She's pissed because normally clients come in without any makeup on.  Alex says she goes through a bottle a week.  Nice. You can probably push your finger into her cheek and it will go through a few layers of foundation.

Alex has a gross, bleeding zit now and the woman is scraping her face. Ew.  We know why she has a zit - she wears pounds of makeup and says that she sometimes goes to sleep with makeup on. Gross.

It's another day and Jill is putting together a charity event about bullying.  She tells Alex that she invited Ramona...is she going to be the poster child of who not to be as far as being a bully?

LuMann shows up and gives Ramona attitude...something stupid about fashion. Ramona says how she always wears David Meister (designer I guess) and LuMann points out that SHE knew who he was before Ramona.  Apparently Ramona doesn't like it when her friends wear the same designer she wears and LuMann says that its "bitchy".  Money can't buy you class, LuMann.

She then tells Ramona that none of the girls want to go to Morocco because Ramona is coming.  She wants the trip to be positive. Alex points out that the only person that is being negative right now is her (LuMann).  This is where Alex's "Thug in a Cocktail Dress" comment comes in.

Of course, Ramona brought a box of her own wine bottles. She was supposed to donate it to the auction but she pops open the box and pours herself.  She's the only one drinking because apparently it is quite earlier in the day. She's yap, yap, yapping away.

Kelly decides that she IS going to go to Morocco.

Jill has a stepdaughter who has a facial birthmark. She's speaking to the charity attendees. While she's talking Ramona is basically selling her wine.

Jill's stepdaughter made short and sad speech about how she was bullied as a child. When it is done, people stand and clap, some hug her. We see Ramona out in the hallway with a bottle of wine. She's gone to the other room so she can bring her wine bottles to the table.   She then asks the designer's daughter to clean up some empty glasses from the table.

Ohhhhh shit...the next three weeks they are in Morocco and it looks like everyone is fighting! Also, Sonja needs a tampon and Ramona thinks she's asking for high heels.  I can't wait, especially after this snooze-fest episode.

16 (well, 17) & Pregnant: Worst Names EVER (from 5/17)

I want to start out by saying I haven't seen this girl yet because I haven't pushed play but I HATE that name.  I apologize if any of my readers are named Cleondra. I'm going to call her Cleo. Still bad but not as bad.

Cleo's sister had a baby when she was 17. The cycle of life and teen moms. Cleo's sister just comes and goes at home leaving her daughter Zyra to be raised by their mother and Cleo.

This is just the motherload episode of horrible names.  Cleondra, Dixie is the mom, Javon is the brother, Zerica is the sister and her daughter is Zyra.  I cannot wait to see what Cleo and Mario name their baby.   Dixie's boyfriend's name is Rob so he's the normal one.

Dixie has a sweet tattoo on her arm and I hope they show a full side view of Zerica because she's got a doozy as well.

Dixie provided her daughters with a "big ol' box of condoms" so she was surprised that Cleo got pregnant.

Cleo's boyfriend/baby daddy is Mario. He lives across the street. Easy access.  They've been together "since forever" according to Cleo. "Since forever" = 2 years.

Mario wants him, Cleo and the baby (a girl) to live at his house with his dad. It is a bit cramped with all the unfortunate named people at Dixie's house.  Cleo wants to stay at her house because of all the help there. She doesn't understand why Mario wouldn't want to live there.

Mario's mother Maria lives around the corner. She doesn't want to be called Grandma...probably because she's like 27.

Maria likes the name "Twilight" for the baby. What city do these people live in that they like such horrid names!?? 

Two side notes: #1 - I feel like this was filmed in 1990 or so...Cleo is wearing a vest and peace sign earrings.  #2 - Cleo is not the first teen mom to do this...she says stuff like "hang out" and actually pronounces the "g"...like "hang gout".  It's an epidemic, just like teen pregnancy!!

Time for the baby shower.  What is this scary looking thing that she opens first???

Of course she gets mostly clothes because teenagers don't know what to buy for a baby besides outfits and some creepy doll.

Mario is at work at the tire place and is taking a break with his 20 year old friend. This 20 year old already has a kid and another on the way. I bet his girlfriend/wife says "hang gout" too.

The baby is going to be named Kylee Sue. I hope that Sue is the middle name and just not part of the first name...you know, like Billy Bob?

Time for delivery.  The doctor is basically wearing a welder's mask.

Two days later, they get to go home. Cleo thinks that Mario will stay over and help with Kylee so she can get some rest. He says he will not stay there because it doesn't make any sense since he wants to get some sleep.  Kick him in the balls Cleo. Balls!

Luckily, Dixie and Rob are there to help and Zerica with her manly voice and ugly piercings is staying home more to care for her own daughter.

Mario doesn't come around. He doesn't want the baby to be around Zerica or Javon. So...leaving the baby there without you is better because....?

Cleo has to go take a midterm so she has Zerica and Javon watch Kylee for four hours. It sounds like even Dixie is questioning that decision later on when Cleo tells Mario.  Mario wants her to ask his mom or sister to watch Kylee before doing that again. But of course, minutes later - he just goes home.

When Cleo calls him to ask if he can come over and help with the baby his response is "I just don't feel like doing nothing today...I'm tired. I want to stay home and go to bed."  I'm confused as to why his balls are still intact at this point.

Cleo decides to take the baby and stay at Mario's for the night so she can prove a point and show him what it is like to take care of a newborn all night. When the baby wakes up at 4am, she asks him to make a couple of ounces of formula and Mario doesn't even flinch, he just stays asleep. Seriously Cleo, perfect opportunity to chop his balls off.

Once it is time for Cleo to go back to school, Kylee goes to a different babysitter every day of the week. (Rob, Mario, Mario's mom, Dixie, Mario's sister).  When they go out to eat Cleo and Mario continue to argue about who watches the baby, where they live, etc.  This pictures sums up how I feel about this episode.

Cleo and Mario's moms bring them together to make some compromises.  Suddenly in the next scene Mario is everything that Cleo could ask for in a boyfriend/baby daddy. If I still had anything left in my stomach after vomiting from watching the Real Housewives of NJ last night, I might have puked after that.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season Premiere: Competition & Hypocrisy (from 5/16)

We open the season with Teresa and the family attending her brother's son's christening. Teresa tells us that she doesn't get along with her brother's wife, Melissa. Good thing because she's one of the new cast members.

Teresa goes up to her brother and SIL and says congratulations. They ask her "Why are you saying it now?" I'm guessing because this is the party to celebrate the christening...but whatever.

Her brother says "Teresa do what you do every day, just walk the fuck away."  Teresa doesn't understand what is going on - none of us do, I think. She asks why they even invited her and Melissa's sister says that it was a technicality.

Inappropriate arguing ensues and Teresa's brother bangs on the table with his fist several times. What is up with their family and restaurant tables?

Little children are turning around to see what the yelling is all about and someone says "don't get it twisted". Hold the phone. When did that phrase become an adult phrase?

Never.

The men start fighting and we cut to a screen that says "One week earlier..." Ok good because I thought I was losing my mind.


I guess Teresa and her husband own a pizzeria now that they have gone through bankruptcy. Teresa has written a cookbook and is doing book signings at her restaurant.  People come and tell her that they are praying for her and they hope she'll be fine.  Huh? Why would anyone give a shit about a "real housewife" who just last season spent ridiculous amounts of money on frivolous things like boobs and an enormous home made of marble?

Jacqueline is visiting Teresa and she's explaining about the drama she has with her brother. Teresa says that she wanted Melissa to be like her sister and she called her a lot, etc. but Melissa kept blowing her off so she stopped calling as much.

Yeah - something is missing here.

Neither of them came to any of her book signings and the rumor is that they thought they needed to be invited. I'm kind of with the brother and SIL on this - did she expect them to come and wait in line like some RHofNJ fans?  There is a lot more to this story.



Jacqueline looks great in her opening scene - she lost all the baby weight.  Her daughter, Ashley is wearing a teeny tiny dress.

Ashley is interning at Lizzie Grubman PR. Jacqueline goes to visit her and they talk with Lizzie herself. I think she's the one who ran over a bunch of people with her SUV? Anyway, Lizzie says that Jacqueline has an amazing daughter but that she has to come to work everyday. Ashley says that it is really hard.

I just vomited a little bit. Ashley drops a bomb that she wants to talk to her mom about moving into the city. Jacqueline wonders how she will do this since her internship is unpaid. Ashley starts to cry. More vomit.  Lizzie has to comfort her.

Jacqueline, Ashley and Chris (Jacqueline's husband) go out to lunch. Ashley still cries because she says that the whole process of working in the city is annoying because she has to get up early.  Chris tells her that when he was her age he did whatever he had to do to get to work. She says that she has been doing that and sometimes she's late.

I may lose like 10 lbs tonight from all this vomit. I hate Ashley right now.

Chris says that if she does well at the job and tries hard he will pay for her commuting into the city. You can see in Ashley's face that this is not what she wanted to hear. She was expecting them to buy her an apartment.



The Manzos are walking through an empty apartment. Albee and Christopher are moving into an apartment they leased together. Caroline is crying because her kids are leaving.

Caroline is the best Real Housewife of them all.  She's strong, smart, a great mom, has great boobs and didn't pay for them.  But this also means her segments might be a bit boring because she doesn't have drama. Now that Danielle is gone...but who knows, maybe she'll get involved in the Teresa/Melissa/Joe/Kathy fiasco.

I feel bad but in her next segment I almost want to fast forward because I know nothing is going to happen. They are just cooking and eating. Well, Caroline says that they have maple-glazed butter and Jacqueline thinks she said nipple-glazed butter.   Oooohhh, risque!



It is time to meet the infamous SIL Melissa.  Joe, her husband (Teresa's brother) is massaging her feet and kissing them.  Seriously I lost at LEAST 5 lbs already and we're only 22 minutes in.

Melissa is so happy that Joe surprised her with the plans for this 15,000 square foot home for Christmas! I'm beginning to see why Teresa is fighting with them - COMPETITION.

Melissa is the type of wife that has to be "a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom." Lovely.

When their son makes a mess with some Styrofoam on the floor Joe tells him to come play football. The son says that he's helping to clean up and Joe says "Forget cleaning up, that's for the women!"

Ah, this is looking to be a good season where I hate everyone! YEAH!

Kathy (the other new castmate) is Joe's cousin and she comes by for lunch - she's good friends with Melissa.  They talk about Teresa and Joe.  Kathy says if she was going through what Teresa did, she wouldn't want to leave the house.  Way to be supportive.

What the fuck is Melissa wearing?

Joe makes a comment that Teresa says how her family is Jacqueline and Caroline...but of course we know that isn't true as far as blood relation. Melissa says that even when they are invited to be with Teresa and her "friends" they act like they aren't even there anyway.

Sounds to me like a bunch of snobs who are all jealous of each other.



Kathy is married to a Lebanese man, Rich. He is so cheesy looking that I'm questioning whether or not these people were cast and costumed by Bravo. People can't really look like this in real life, right?

Kathy loves to cook because "what you put in your mouth? It's important." Come on. She's riding around on a bicycle to pick up groceries. These people aren't real. 

They have two children - Victoria who is 16 and Joseph who is 14. Kathy says how Joseph has so many friends...SO many friends. As she is saying this we see Joseph playing with a knife in his bed.  Kathy is upset that he's playing with knives on his bed because it isn't a hard surface.

Come on. The jokes on us right? Come on.



It is the morning of the christening party.  Melissa's sisters are looking for a fight with Teresa.


Speaking of Teresa - are they still living in their giant marble mansion? All these people "praying" for her and her family - I bet their entire house would fit in the Guidice's entryway.

While getting the kids ready for the christening, Teresa has lost Audriana - the baby - who is crawling around the house.  Luckily Teresa's makeup artist was on the stairs because he caught the baby as she started to crawl down them. Lovely.

Teresa's hairstylist is cheating on her with Melissa.  It is a giant conspiracy - Melissa and her sisters are taking up the hairstylists time so that Teresa will be late.

Teresa is freaking out because they will be late but Joe is in shorts pulling a wheelbarrow out of the garage. He's not getting ready. He has diarrhea. And evidently he's carting it out in the wheelbarrow?


Melissa is scaring her baby I think...telling him that he's going to Jesus' kingdom. Maybe it is just me...but that would scare me. "You're bringing me WHERE?" Of course, I know the baby is too young to understand.

At the church, Melissa notices that Teresa isn't there (she's late). Of course she did, why wouldn't she? There are only a thousand people there.

I guess this is what Danielle was talking about in the reunion show last year when she said that Teresa didn't acknowledge her nephew.

Teresa DOES show up at the church and she clearly says congratulations to her brother and her nephew.  Melissa still wonders if she showed up late or afterwards (who cares?) and then says that they should have pulled Gia out of whatever she was doing so she could attend her cousin's christening.

According to Teresa, Gia had a gymnastics competition and if she missed it she would be kicked out of gymnastics.  Even if that weren't true and it was a giant lie (although we saw Gia leave for gymnastics with her coach) who gives a fuck if one 7 year old girl isn't in attendance!??? (Sorry...she might not be 7 but I can't remember).

Melissa is pissed that Joe (Teresa's husband) didn't come to the church. She obviously doesn't care about the wheelbarrows of diarrhea. When he does come to the reception and Melissa's Joe asks Teresa's Joe if he wants a shot, he of course declines since he hasn't eaten anything and he's been shoveling watery poop all morning. Melissa takes this as an insult.  Does she want him squirting at the party?

She also takes this opportunity to tell us (in interview) that Teresa thinks she throws better parties than her but she does NOT. 

Teresa then tells us (in interview) that there weren't a lot of people at the christening...that she had like 200 people at her last one but there wasn't even 200 at this one.

Competition will ruin relationships. GROW THE FUCK UP!

Melissa, Joe, Kathy and Rich are talking about Teresa. Joe says that he is ignoring her just like she ignores him at parties. I don't doubt this because Teresa seems very scatterbrained and into her money (or lack of), her husband and her kids much more than anyone else.


Melissa's Joe is livid that Teresa was dancing with the baby that just got christened.  Melissa brings up the fact that she (Melissa) was holding Audriana at her christening and Teresa came up and ripped her right out of her arms.  Obviously we didn't see this.

Now were back to the place where the show started leading up to the fight. I really don't understand why Joe is so angry at this moment. He's SO angry. He calls her garbage.


Teresa's Joe (I think) comes up and says something like "you sons of bitches" and that is when the actual brawl started.

HOW HYPOCRITICAL ARE THESE PEOPLE? You're celebrating a religious event...and now you're drunk and you're physically fighting and saying fuck every other word in front of all these people, including children.

At one point the camera is behind Teresa and she's telling her husband "It's a christening!" so basically to calm down. All of the sudden the camera guy either got tackled or someone pushed him out of the way and we don't see anything but someone yells "I'll fucking kill every one of yous!"

The camera goes to this shot:

just as someone is saying "You wanna fuck with me?".  I love that Bravo pointed out the hypocrisy with that one little scene.

Melissa's Joe is telling everyone to get his sister and his BIL out of there.  Suddenly there is screaming and someone is on the ground. I have no idea who it is.  Someone is yelling "Get the cops!"

Other people are fighting because it isn't Joe Guidice...he and Teresa are not in the center of the brawl. If I were Teresa the FIRST FUCKING THOUGHT IN MY HEAD would have been "Where are my four children and let me get them out of here, they do NOT need to experience this."

Nope, not these people!

Somehow and for some reason people are starting shit with Teresa & Joe's father? He's an old man who has had two open heart surgeries? WTF is going on?

Someone has said "I'll fucking crack their skulls." (I assume it was Joe Guidice). Someone tries to take Melissa's Joe to the bar to calm down. Yes, add more alcohol, that will do the trick! Might as well start looking for pens so someone can stab someone else in the neck a la Goodfellas.

The Real Housewives of OC (from 5/15)

Alexis is wearing jean shorts that can pass for denim underwear. She's shopping for cowboy boots for her trip to Texas with the girls.  She thinks that she can get cowboy boots that have 4 inch wedge heels. She's expecting more "bling" on the cowboy boots. I'm not sure she understands what a cowboy is.

Who buys cowboy boots and a cowboy hat for a TWO DAY trip to Texas?

Also - she's trying on the boots barefoot. Gross.


Vicki the slave driver is at work forcing her "people" to stay late. She calls Tamra on speakerphone and we find out that Simon is in jail.  He went to Tamra's house the night before swearing about their dog and he threw the leash at her so she called the cops. He did this in front of their kids so they arrested him.

Tamra's attorney wants to see pictures of the leash that was allegedly thrown at her head by her ex husband. She needs to file a temporary restraining order against him. Ugly Eddie thinks that the leash is heavy. Yes, very heavy duty dog leash for a 10 lb dog.

Jeana is getting involved with Tamra and Simon's business. Jeana's a weirdo, fighting Simon's battles apparently.

Tamra is of course late for her court date because you know she thinks she's a celebrity. She makes Eddie sit in the car and three hours later she comes out and says that the DA decided not to press charges due to lack of evidence.  I guess the plastic dog leash didn't leave a mark.

Later on Vicki and Donn go out to dinner together. Of course not alone because they'd kill each other. Tamra and Eddie join them.  Tamra needs a drink and Vicki asks her to tell Donn about what happened with Simon.  Eddie excuses himself to go to the bathroom and on his way out he puts his finger to his head like a gun. AAAAHHHH HA HA HA HA! Getting sick of Tamra, are we?

After explaining the story to Donn - which is really a non-story...a dog leash and no charges pressed? LAME! - anyway, Tamra wonders where Eddie is and Vicki thinks maybe he has diarrhea and that anyone hanging out with Tamra for 24 hours would have diarrhea.

Eddie returns to the table and says that he wanted to avoid the Simon conversation - that was why he left the table. They decide to talk about something else.

Not one of the four of them knows what a Zamboni is. They keep calling it a Zambuka.  Some guy wants Vicki to drive one for being a businesswoman or something. People in Orange County are weird.

Tamra decides the very next topic should be about how Jeana texted her about Simon. Way to keep your man happy, bitch! Eddie looks at her like "What the fuck?" I wish he would walk out.

Finally...Donn remembers that it is called a Zamboni.

Days later Tamra meets with Jeana on a park bench. She confronts Jeana about saying that Tamra ruined Simon's life.

Jeana somehow thinks this is her business and questions why Tamra called the police. She says that Simon wasn't even there anymore when she called! Interesting...Tamra didn't mention this...she made it sound like she called 911 seconds after the plastic dog leash bounced off the floor behind her.

Back at home or at Eddie's Tamra is crying. She shows Eddie a printout of Jeana's Facebook status that said "Maybe the tape on Tamra's mouth should be permanent" (referring to the naked photo shoot she did with Fernanda). I wish she would have mentioned how many people "liked" that status.



Gretchen is in Texas being driven around in a Hummer-Limo.  She picks up the girls at the airport and everyone has cowboy hats. I'm so embarrassed for them. It's like people who go to concerts wearing the concert T-shirt of the band they are seeing...or going to Disney World in a Mickey Mouse costume.  You do NOT fit in.

Alexis admits that she went to test-drive a mechanical bull before going to Texas. I'm even more embarrassed now.

"The girls" are Alexis, Peggy and Fernanda??? They are suddenly friends with her? Tamra's lesbian friend?

They all head out and they are all wearing giant heels except for Fernanda. Gretchen falls down. I wish they all had fallen down.

At lunch the subject of Gretchen/Slade/Marriage comes up. She asks the women how they knew it was "the one".  Maybe she should have asked that before she got married the first time and engaged the second time. Why is it suddenly so pressing that she know this? Because he doesn't have money so it isn't an automatic YES?

Peggy says that she had a "list" and you know Alexis had to compete so she said "I had 150 things on my list, honey!"

One of Peggy's items was that the guy couldn't have any roomates. For some reason Alexis thinks that should be a given. She jumps in with her items. Something about Jim liking her because she didn't have to pee all the time. What?

Everytime Gretchen asks Peggy a question, Alexis answers either right away or shortly after Peggy tries to speak. Peggy says that she wouldn't have married Micah if he hadn't had his own business or had roommates. So love isn't important to these women at all and they are fully admitting it.

Gretchen surprisingly calls them out on their gold digging ways but no one cares.

Alexis tells us how she doesn't believe that Fernanda is really married because of her religion. Again...love doesn't matter to her.

The girls are headed out for the night and they are drinking champagne in the hummer limo on the way. Alexis is pouring it down her throat and is wearing the denim underwear again. I don't know that Jim would approve of this. Or Jesus.

Inside the BBQ place where they are chowing down, Alexis is supposedly drinking straight vodka in a plastic cup. She's wasted and annoying. Jim's going to be soooooo pissed. She's licking a chicken leg like it is a penis. 

She then tells us (in interview) how she used to have an eating disorder.  Since she's drunk at dinner and eating a bunch of food, she decides to squirt ketchup all over the food so she won't eat it.

Alexis said that she's able to come to Texas on the girls' trip because Jim realized how miserable she was. She also says that out of 10 of her friends, 8 of them cheat. Time to get new friends.

They head to a place called Cowboys Dancehall. The three blondes are like those annoying girls we all knew in high school who would drink a beer at a party and start laughing and falling down everywhere. Fernanda seems the most normal - she can handle her liquor and isn't screeching.

Alexis immediately starts bouncing her fake boobs up and down. She starts dancing with Fernanda on the dance floor. Seriously Alexis...she was talking about Fernanda having to "answer to god" because she is a lesbian? People in glass houses shouldn't throw silicone breasts.

Mechanical bull riding time. Peggy isn't allowed because of her recent boobie surgery.  Fernanda goes first and it is boring, she falls off.  Gretchen goes and it goes very slow so she doesn't fall. Alexis in her denim underwear climbs on.  You can hear whistles like it is a strip club.

In the hummer limo afterwards Alexis makes a comment that Peggy's lips are bigger than hers. Peggy is pissed. I think Peggy's mouth is bigger but not her lips. But why would they be fighting about this - they both paid for bigger lips so shouldn't you WANT your lips to be bigger than the next person?  Wasn't that the point? 

The Real Housewives of NYC (from 5/12)

The STAR Ramona is up first tonight.  She's doing a photo shoot so she can put photos of herself on her product a la Alexis from Real Housewives of OC. She's stiff and bug-eyed but did we expect anything else?

This was actually one of the shots taken:

Jill is visiting Cindy. Cindy has a ton of nannies, assistants, etc. One of the twins starts crying and woooppp hand her to a nanny.

Cindy says how it is crazy and she can't sleep because she hears the babies cry in the night...and the nannies wake up with them. Cindy gets to lay in her bed, I guess.

They gossip about Ramona.  Apparently Cindy is the only one who will "stand up" to Ramona. Everyone else accepts her for who she is but Cindy is all set.  What's wrong with everyone? Tell her to shut the fuck up? Oh wait...she's a star!!!!!!!  The thing that pisses me off is that you KNOW Cindy will be inviting her to some event again. Pussies!!

Another day Kevin is the twins father and he is visiting. I didn't realize that he was the father until Cindy said it because I immediately thought he was gay. I don't have a good gaydar.



Sonja is throwing a masquerade party so she has a "costumist" over to help her out.  He doesn't seem very excited about Sonja's choices and this awful wig she has.

LuMann is out looking for a costume and Jill comes by to join her. The woman that works there says that period costumes are very glamorous and sexy and Jill chimes in "That's me!"  Since when? She says that the last time she was there she needed to wear a bra but now she doesn't because she's gotten a breast reduction.

LuMann and Jill might be the two most annoying people in NYC at the moment.



Sonja has friends' kids staying with her and helping her out because she's struggling a little bit with money since her divorce.  Why is she throwing this lavish party? She doesn't know the meaning of struggling with money, I think.

The costumist guy fixed up the awful wig and her costume.  While Sonja is in the limo on the way to the party, LuMann calls to tell her she can't make it becuase she's sick. Way to wait until the last minute Countess.  Money can't buy you class.

Alex and Simon are there dressed up. Ramona walks in and I swear she can't see through her mask because she's bumping into things and Mario is holding her arm. Jill comes with "three male escorts". (Her husband and two other people). Kelly has bedazzled her face and Cindy looks like Barbarella.

Jill was expecting a giant lavish party of 200 people and is quite snobby when she realizes that there are like 15 people in what almost looks like a church basement.  Jill, Miss Passive Agressive says to Sonja how honered she was to be invited when she only invited 30 people.

Ummm...this is Sonja's ass. She's bending over everywhere and suddenly realizes "Whoops, I forgot half of my costume!" I mean, no one in the limo told her that they could see her vag?

Jill goes with Cindy to a cosmetic dentist. Jill thinks that Cindy should get something done to bring attention away from her teeth since she has so many. Don't we all have the same amount of teeth?? Well, unless you lost one in a fight, a hockey game or you're a redneck.

Cindy is so lucky to have Jill with her because Jill and her family are like doctors...without the degree or license.  Run...run away fast Cindy.


Ramona is standing around a bunch of her Pinot Grigio bottles. Her friend that got married in one of the earlier episodes arrives. She tells Ramona that during her wedding reception, someone told her that Jill wanted to congratulate her so she (the bride) went to see her.  Immediately Jill grills her and asked "What are Alex and Simon doing here?!"  She also asked why she's friends with Ramona.  Way to make the day about the bride and groom, bitch!

Someone needs to take Jill on a long car ride into the countryside and just let her out.

LuMann is grilling Ramona about how the wine is made because now that LuMann is going out with Jacques she's automatically a wine conossieuor.  LuMann also says "Pinot Greegio"...using the "g" sound instead of the "j" sound.

Ramona, Miss Ill-Timed-Confrontation-Woman pulls Jill aside to confront her about what the bride (Jennifer) told her just a little while ago. Of course, Jill blames it on someone else who is not part of the show and they beep out the name.

Jill wants Jennifer to join in the conversation because she claims none of it is true.  They start yelling at each other. Jill is angry that Ramona attacked her and Ramona says that she didn't attack her and that she was just trying to have a conversation with her.  Yeah...that's it.

Jill runs outside and talks to Jennifer about it. She still doesn't want to admit that she did anything wrong but goes back inside to tell Ramona that she worked it out.  Ramona is not having it. "If you have a problem with me you tell me to my face!" so Jill invites her to lunch.

Is that the rich people term for "You wanna step outside?"

Ramona looks like a loon and she and Jill just start saying "You need to...." "You need to...." and then Ramona walks away.

Ramona is inside hysterically talking to Jennifer, the Bride. Ramona REALLY needs to get her bangs trimmed.

I also think Ramona should quit drinking and maybe pop some sedatives.

Jill is in a car outside crying to LuMann. LuMann doesn't make it any better and says that Ramona's never been her friend.  Jill hands her the little koala she bought at the airport that she meant to give to Ramona and tells LuMann to give it to her. That will show her who's boss...a tacky gift. BURN!