Survivor: Redemption Island: 8pm Mass (from 5/4)

So one of the first night vision shots at Raw Sewage Island was this:

For a second I was looking at it thinking that it was all of the people who were voted there, laying curled up next to each other.  Now that I'm looking at it again it seems to resemble one of those 3D Ultrasounds.


Back at the camp, Natalie starts crying when they get back from Tribal Council. She's homesick. She's only 19...I haven't really rooted for anyone yet but I might be hoping she wins. That's got to be tough out there and being only 19.  At 19 I cried if I had a sunburn.

Tree mail brings a cell phone that has videos from family members. Natalie's mom, Andrea's dad, Phillip's sister, Rob's sister and Ashley's mom send messages.

Also, Grant's brother-in-law...who is wearing a red scarf around his neck. I don't know if he was going for a gay pirate look or if he was pretending to be wearing a Survivor "buff".

On Raw Sewage Island, they also get a phone. Jesus is pumped.

Ralph's message tells him that some of his chickens were killed. Mike's mom looks young enough to be his wife. Steve's brother tears up a bit, it is sweet. Jesus' brother sends a message, they have the exact same smile.

Duel time. The winner of the duel today will get to spend time with a loved one in person. When they do this type of thing I get annoyed because they obviously flew all of their family members there because they don't know who will win...so some people just took off work, took a trip to Raw Sewage Island for nothing! I'd be pissed. Damn you for not winning the duel, I took off work, found a babysitter, sweat my ass off and I get nothing? You better get back in the game and win a million dollars.

The duel involved breaking tiles. Mike wins so he gets to stay in the game but he also can hang out with his mom. I hope his mom brought toothpaste, a toothbrush and deodorant for him.

Steve loses - but he didn't even try. I think he wanted to go home. When he was leaving he should have asked what tree his family member was hiding behind because you know he was right around the corner.

As the winner, Mike has a few choices.  #1 He can hang out with his mom. #2 He can give up his family time and let Jesus and Ralph hang with their family #3 He can give the rest of the 6 tribe members time with their families.

Grant's brother-in-law is still wearing the scarf around his neck.

Anyway, when contemplating the decision, Mike goes all Matt on us. Matt meaning Jesus.  He's quoting the bible.

He's choosing option #3. I was mad at him at first - these people voted you out! But then Mike's mom talks and says how this is who he is...he's a hero and she's so proud of him. Yeah, I teared up a lil bit.

If Mike gets back to go back in the game and gets voted out again I hope he hides Phillips shorts AND underwear so the rest of them have to see him naked the rest of the time.


Mike tells Ralph and Jesus that he asked god to help him win and that god was asking him to give the prize to the others.  Again...I would seriously be pissed off if I were someone somewhere suffering from a disease or a natural disaster praying to god for help and he's off answering reality TV show contestants prayers!

Side note: Jesus looks like he's wearing a pink/plum shade of eyeshadow and some lipstick.

Family time at camp.

Andrea's dad asks her how she keeps her hair looking so nice.  Yeah, that would be the first thing my dad would ask me.

Natalie and her mom are talking about god as well.

Phillip is reminded by his sister why he's there and that he will "continue to dominate." When has he dominated?

Rob talks to his sister and she barely says a thing, its like she is on a blind date with him and is experiencing that awkward silence.


Immunity challenge time. They have to build stairs and make it to the top first. It looks really tiring as I yawn from my recliner.  Jeff also says it is 110 degrees.  I just reapplied some deodorant.

Rob wants to make sure that Andrea doesn't win immunity because she is the one they want to vote out next. So he wins, shoelaces untied and all.

Everyone is breathing so heavily and Rob is in a lot of pain. His legs are cramping and he needs help standing up.  I imagine this must be like what my friend Danielle felt like after running the Boston Marathon a couple weeks ago.

Poor Andrea doesn't realize that everyone is talking about sending her home. She thinks it will be Phillip.

Phillip starts taking down some of the leafy-roof of their sleeping area and puts it in the fire.  He then starts yelling at Andrea for waving her hands around when there is a wasp near her.

He tells the camera that his plan the entire time is to get under people's skin because he wants them to think that if they take him with them to the end, they will most likely win over him because who would want him to win? He claims it is a brilliant strategy. Umm...except that you DO piss off everyone and ANY of these people are more likely to win than you, Phillip.  Special Agent Pink-O didn't think that far ahead.

Well, I guess he has because he tells the camera that he knows what to say about Rob to make people not want him to win.


At Tribal Council Jeff mentions that Phillip didn't do well in today's challenge. Phillip's excuse is that it was 110 degrees and he's a 52 year old man. "I've been waiting and hoping that we would do something that required upper body strength because when I went into the army at 29 out of 1500 men no man could outrun me, do more push-ups or do more sit-ups."  He needs to stop bragging about this made up army he was in.

Andrea was blindsided (of course) and was voted to Religious Island.

The Real Housewives of NYC: Stop Saying Quogue (from 4/28)

Cindy meets up with Sonja and tells her that because she got a little tipsy off of a martini the other night, she got home and ate pistachios and chipped her two front teeth.

She should not be making this face out on the street like this.  She's also carrying around pieces of veneers in a little mini hat box. They go inside a store and they use fixident to try to glue some temporary veneers.

They try on dresses and Sonja thinks the whole time that they are going to lunch but Cindy won't go out to eat without her teeth intact. Sonja came all the way downtown to go out to lunch and she's pissed when Cindy tells her they aren't going. I don't blame her. But I also love Sonja.

Sonja is having a cooking party and wants to invite both Kelly and Ramona even though they aren't getting along right now. Cindy isn't invited and she calls it a "Toaster Oven Party". Are they cooking English Muffin pizzas?



LuMann and her daughter talk about how they live in The Hamptons but LuMann goes into the city a lot to shop, see her friends and "work on her music".  (Did anyone else totally picture Ross in college playing the keyboard?)

Jacques comes by and does something strange with his dog.

Kelly says "The Hamptons in the fall are so unbelievable." I thought it was a faux pas to say The Hamptons as if it is plural? She should have said "The Hamptons in the fall is so unbelievable." But...I don't know where I heard that so I could be wrong.

Kelly has Sonja over to ride horses. Kelly is nervous to ride with Sonja because these horses are top of the line and they aren't at a dude ranch. So is she worried that Sonja will break the expensive horse?

She keeps telling Sonja to keep shorter reigns but Sonja just doesn't care and just does what she wants and down...she...goes.

Damn, in the previews I had thought that Kelly fell.

Sonja and Kelly sit down to talk about Ramona. She then mentions the party she's having to teach Kelly how to use a toaster oven. Why doesn't Kelly know how to use a toaster oven? Sonja does not tell Kelly that Ramona is invited as well.


It is Columbus Day Weekend so LuMann is having the ladies over for cocktails. Cindy talks about her party in Quogue and Sonja keeps saying that she won't go there. LuMann chimes in (in interview) that Quogue is sort of "low-rent" but you don't point that out to someone who lives there or is having a party there.

Yes, this looks very low rent:

Suddenly LuMann is all Native American and people even bring her Native American gifts.

I don't understand most of what is going on here because they all seem to be talking at once and Sonja interrupts everyone.

Alex shows up and she's wearing a fur vest. Alex is wearing a fur vest. Her hair is normal so she didn't come from a "shoot".

Ramona's wearing some kind of fur too.

She brings up a question for LuMann about how she lives out in the Hamptons and her kids are there, but during the week she lives in the city. LuMann corrects her and says she only stays in the city a couple of days. Ramona says "So you're kind of more like a weekend mom now." Ramona is so inappropriate.

Alex doesn't take off her vest so I'm wondering if it is a coat/vest or like a shirt/vest. Either way it is hideous.

Cindy decides to tell Kelly that she shouldn't bring her kids to Sonja's toaster oven party because Ramona is going there. She hopes Kelly won't say anything to Sonja that she told her. HA!

There is some sort of big dog walk where all the ladies come with their dogs. Ramona's wearing a velour track suit and LuMann has what look like moccasins on. I told you.

Ramona is talking in all questions? About the situation? With the cigar? And the dead guy? And Cindy's brother?

When Sonja and Kelly make it to the beach with their dogs, Kelly tells Sonja exactly what Cindy told her. Way to keep a secret Kell! She basically tells Sonja that she won't go because she doesn't want to be in a combative situation. How is it that broad-shouldered-Kelly is making sense this season? Has she lost her crazy?

Nope! Still crazy!


Here we are, finally in the famous Quogue at Quogue Farm for Cindy's party. Stop saying Quogue.

Cindy rides on a horse and basically whines the whole time. Why did she have a party at a horse farm?

Ramona gets there and immediately asks where her Pino Grigiot is...they MUST have it anywhere she goes because that is the only thing she'll drink. Everyone cater to Ramona, please!

LuMann shows up with another Native American-type necklace.  This is getting weird.

Ramona gets to ride a horse but she has to be pulled around like it is a pony ride so she wants to go back because she's bored. I kind of don't blame her, they are treating her like a child on a pony.

People also to get to ride on four wheelers. This seems like the best non-stuffy party they've had on this show.

LuMann, Kelly, Cindy and Ramona are sitting at a table. Kelly and Cindy talk about some luncheon she's having at Kelly's the next day and Ramona is all offended that they are talking about it in front of her. She thinks it is impolite and rude.

So her reaction is "Thanks for not inviting me, I invite you to everything!" Way to make things comfortable.

Ramona wants to talk to Cindy's brother to clear the air about the cigar thing. He keeps telling her that this is not the time, he's with his father, this is Cindy's birthday party, it is not the time. Of course Ramona is not going away, she's like a mosquito.

Cindy comes over and yells "Not at my birthday. Absolutely not!" and she is shooing Ramona away. Ramona and Cindy walk to the side to talk about it. She convinces Ramona to drop it and then they take away the vegetable dip from the table. I'm pissed about that. I love the veggie dip. I don't double dip - do people in Quogue double dip? I'm classy!

16 (well, 17) & Pregnant: Jamie (from 5/3)

So far all of the 16 & Pregnant moms have had names that start with "J".

Jamie is a straight A student who is also on the student council.  Her dad left when she was young so she and her sister were raised by a single mother. That's NEVER happened before on this show.

She is dating Ryan who is a party-type and has already lost his license for getting too many speeding tickets and a DUI - he's only 17 so basically he's done all this in probably under a year. Awesome guy to choose to knock you up. They didn't use any birth control. I guess she's one of those people who is "book smart" but doesn't have common sense.

Jamie admits that she's scared Ryan will slip up. I'm willing to bet he does.

She's having a girl and they will name her Maya. Thank goodness we haven't seen another Nevaeh - WORST NAME EVER.

Ryan can't come to Jamie's doctor's appointment because he has to meet with his lawyer. Luckily, Jamie doesn't seem to have any real questions about pregnancy, labor or the baby...when the doctor asks what she's concerned about at this point she is worried about stretch marks.

I was 31 when I was pregnant. I read every book possible, researched online, watched videos, took a birthing class, etc. but I STILL had questions every time I went to an appointment - and none of them had to do with stretch marks or vanity issues. 

Evidently people still use MySpace. This is news to me.  That is how Jamie's father found out that she was pregnant.

He hasn't wanted to talk to her since he found out but suddenly when she's got MTV cameras around he's all pumped about meeting her in a park. It's awkward and to make it even worse, Ryan, Jamie's stepmom and half-brother take a walk together to leave Jamie alone with her dad.

He basically tells her he will be in her life more. Sure.

One of Jamie's friend's name is Sybil. Who would do that to their daughter? "Who dat who say who dat who say who dat?"

Ryan's stepmother throws Jamie the baby shower at their house. Jamie's father didn't show up (oh wow, what a surprise!).

Ryan, Jamie and Jamie's mother discuss the living situation after Maya is born. Since Ryan and Jamie's mother don't get along (surprise!) the conversation doesn't go well.  After this, Ryan starts becoming more distant and when Jamie goes into labor she calls Ryan and he isn't picking up his phone. I imagine he's probably out drinking, like any teen dad-to-be should.

Jamie's explanation of how it feels to be in labor is that she feels like she has to pee and shit at the same time.

5 hours into her labor, Ryan shows up at the hospital saying that he's been staying up for three nights waiting for her phone call (suuuure) and the "one night" he knocks out is the night she goes into labor.  She can smell the alcohol on his breath.

6 hours into labor she can start to push. Damn, that was fast. Oh but she throws up in a little bucket. Since the heart rate is going down when Jamie is pushing, they say they may have to use forceps to get the baby out. She thinks they are like pliers.

Is anyone else annoyed that Ryan won't even STAND UP to hold her leg? Damn lazy piece of shit!

After Miah (yes, they spell it like that...ugh) was born, Jamie kicks him out of the hospital. She gets a lot of visitors the next day, including her own father.

On her second day home from the hospital, Ryan shows up seemingly hungover.  He thinks that he should be able to take Miah home with him to stay at his house. Ok, just start producing milk in your little man breasts and that will work out fine.  Plus, who wouldn't want to send their newborn home with this guy?

Ryan starts bawling when talking to Jamie and he's trying to talk and can't catch his breath. He thinks she should be able to pump enough so he can take Miah with him. No one in their right mind is going to give their newborn to this kid. "Oh she's asleep? Pass me that forty!"

He keeps calling to ask if he can just take Miah for a few hours. It's creepy.

He finally gets his license back and is taking Jamie and Miah to his parents' house for a Halloween party. He continues to bug her about taking the baby alone.

Time for Jamie to go back to school and she has to take Miah with her on the bus (there is a day care at school). She has to put her in a bus-baby-seat. I'm scared of that seat and I think Miah is too. 

Everyone is looking at Jamie strangely but I am looking at them strangely - why are the creeping around in hoodies?

Jamie avoids Ryan at school but then finds out that he has a new girlfriend and they've been dating for months. Everyone at school knew except her. Umm...hello? Where are her friends?! I guess Sybil's personality that is friends with Jamie didn't know about it, one of her others did.

Jamie confronts Ryan about him cheating on her and tells him that she's going to go through the court to figure out what is best for Miah.

I'm thinking that Jamie won't be picked for Teen Mom 3 because she actually wants to stay home and take care of her baby and doesn't seem to be the type to take back a shitty boyfriend.

Overall a boring episode but that usually means that the baby will probably have a better life.

The Real Housewives of OC: Everyone's An Asshole (from 5/1)

Peggy and Micah are preparing for their "exclusive" dinner party. They are having a five course meal with wine pairings...whatever that means.


Gretchen is getting her hair done for the occasion and I guess her hair dresser knows all about everyone. He asks if Tamra will be there with Ugly Eddie. Well...he didn't say "ugly"...but he would if he'd seen him.

Gretchen (in interview) says how she can't imagine someone wanting to date Tamra and why don't they just light themselves on fire instead. I'm going to have to agree with her.

Slade Slimey can't attend the dinner party because he has his sons. Gretchen basically says that she doesn't think she should marry him because if she had a kid with him people would have a lot to say about that. What a great reason not to marry someone!


Tamra and Ugly Eddie are headed to Vicki's before the party and Tamra is blabbing on and on trying to prepare him for meeting her. Donn meets them at the door and I think he's already drunk. I love Donn, though. I don't know WHY he was with Vicki.

Vicki comes in the room and it is very uncomfortable but I'm sure it is the editing. Suddenly Ugly Eddie breaks into his Big Ugly Smile and I'm a little nauseated and embarrassed.

They begin gossiping about Slade and his child support issues. I really hate Tamra. Slade is gross but I would hang out with him before Tamra any day!

In the limo Tamra and Vicki move to gossiping about Alexis and her financial troubles. They say that no one knows what Alexis' husband Jim does for work - you mean, he's not a model?

Why does it look like there are mini marshmallows in the wine???

Alexis shows up without Jim and Peggy seems to be quite offended by this. We don't really know where Jim is, maybe he just decided not to come? Alexis runs off to either text or call him.

There are WAY too many blonde people here, my eyes hurt. Maybe it is the bitchy words coming out of their mouths that is making my head hurt. Or a combination.  After watching these shows I am really grateful for my life the way it is.

Peggy has a microphone at her dinner party and she introduces a friend of hers who is going to sing.

Ugly Eddie and Tamra start dancing and making out like 3 inches from the singing woman. How awkward and SO gross because Eddie keeps turning his head back and forth as if they are having sex in a movie. He's rubbing her back and I'm ready to throw up.

Gretchen's friend is joking that Eddie is an escort and she found him at 999-SALSA.  Tamara overhears it and tells Eddie. For a second I like him because he says "who cares"? Maybe he's going to see what the rest of us see and that she acts like a really bitchy 15 year old girl.

Donn asks Gretchen where her other half is and she answers that he's with his boys. Donn starts laughing and it is very Vicki-like.

Poop. The only person I liked on the show just made a dick move.  Then a little while later he whispers to Vicki that Gretchen looks like the lady from the Munsters. Because she has dark lipstick on? Then Vicki and Tamra cackle and laugh like children.

What a bunch of hateful, awful people? Why do I watch this shit? My head is pounding. Peggy is pissed.

Alexis starts looking at her phone because she misses Jim. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom because I think she's going to cry. She is either texting or calling Jim. Gretchen goes to check on her.

The boy with the bowtie that Alexis came with (?) mentions that she was upset that he had to work. Vicki of all people exclaims "He's working on a SATURDAY NIGHT?" Is she fucking kidding? Vicki...who works all the time and makes fun of people for not working all the time is questioning someone working on a weekend.

Kill me now.

Micah makes a joke about the bowtie boy and Tamra suddenly becomes a clapping seal. 

Alexis is crying in the bathroom because she just doesn't know what to do without Jim around. Tamra wants to start trouble and eavesdrop so she asks Vicki to come to the bathroom with her.  She's got her ear up against the door and I'm so disgusted.

Head...pounding...

Peggy gets up to search for the women and she catches Tamra with her ear against the door and sort of shoos her off. 

Alexis tells us (in interview) that she had to lie because Jim just didn't want to be around those group of people. Wow, I never thought I would think Jim had a good idea.

Peggy tells Alexis that she either needs to compose herself or leave. What a lovely host and awesome friend!

OH NO! Tamra just said "Slade Slimey". I'm not going to use it anymore. Please tell me that I'm much funnier than Tamra. Tamra isn't funny at all so please, please let me not be even close to her.

Vicki talks about how she wanted to have kids with Donn but he didn't. He says it was because she is so full of herself. HA! For a minute I'm going to like Donn again. He calls Vicki a bitch! Woo hoo!

It seems like hours later and Alexis is still not outside. Bowtie boy says he's going to "powder her up" and Vicki has a ball making fun of that. She and Tamra are loud and obnoxious. Nothing new.

Alexis comes out and apologizes for being emotional while Tamra and Vicki make fun of her with their eyes.

Peggy and Alexis discuss their issue. Peggy questions why they haven't had any play dates and Alexis says "Between her husband, her kids and working out...she has like two minutes for friends." WOW.

The woman starts singing again and I'm afraid that Eddie and Tamra are going to have sex with their eyes again. Alexis and Gretchen are suddenly drunk 18 year olds on the "dance floor".

Donn, Vicki, Tamra and Eddie leave and they bitch and gossip in the limo.  All of the sudden Vicki is tired and has a headache - she basically hates her husband.

I hate them all.

The Bad Girls Club - No More Recapping

So - if you watch the Bad Girls Club and enjoy reading my recaps - you've noticed that I am behind by two episodes...and a new one will be on Monday night.

I just haven't been able to bring myself to watch them anymore. I can pretty much guess what is going to happen in each episode:

Jessica will use the word "wang" or "wanging" about 76 times.

Kori will talk about her boobs out of the side of her mouth.

Wilmarie will look ugly and fight.

Nikki will call people "replacements" and walk like a man.

Char will continue to believe that she's actually mature.

Lauren will continue to put her hair in a side ponytail/braid and put lipstick all around her mouth instead of just on her lips.

If anyone sees an actual exciting event that I should watch...let me know. Otherwise...poo poo on this season!