The Real Housewives of NYC Season Premiere (from 4/7)

YEAH! NYC is back! This is my favorite of all of the franchises. This is where we got Bethenny from, crazy Kelly Kiloren-Bensimon, bug-eyed Ramona, the man-voiced Countess LuAnn (I'd rather listen to Tardy for the Party than LuAnn's song Money Can't Buy You Class), strange Alex and Simon, the oh-so-annoying-and-needy Jill Zarin and even last season's new edition of Sonja was great.


Ramona is hosting a party tonight.  She is serving "Ramona" wine. I don't want to know what that tastes like. Alex and Simon are there.

Jill shows up to make everyone feel uncomfortable and Alex starts chugging wine. She is excusing herself but before she does she announces that she and Simon are on a committee for a march for gay marriage and that the women should wear wedding dresses.  I don't understand what happens here but everyone is laughing and Alex looks like she's being boxed out and she's annoyed. Whatever.


Jill is planning to go to Austrailia and Kelly is at her house wearing spandex. Like shiny black spandex pants.

Apparently Jill is a "real friend" to Kelly now. Jill needed someone when Bethenny smartened up.

Of course they sit and gossip about Ramona, Alex and Bethenny. 


Simon is wearing pink shoes. He and Alex are working together from home now because Simon has left the hotel business to start a media company.

Alex is now a model! That is out of left field. It seems to have gone to her head a bit because she's talking about how lucky she got with the gene pool because her parents were good looking.


Cindy is the new NYC housewife.  She owns "Completely Bare", a hair removal company. She didn't have a husband so she did IVF to have babies and ended up with twins. She's co-hosting an art show/auction/charity event that all the housewives are attending tonight.

Kelly steps out of a town car with LuAnn and her legs look especially manly. Alex and Simon show up - Alex in a turquoise dress and Simon in a blad jacket, red shirt, black leather pants with a red stripe down them.

The artist is taking photos of Jill, Ramona and Sonja and isn't asking Alex to be in the photo with them. She starts chugging champagne again and I think in her head she's saying "I'm the model here!!!"

The guests have to take their shoes off and dip them in paint to make the art. Gross.

Cindy's twins are at the event with their nannies. Jill starts gossiping to Kelly about Cindy and how she wants her doctor's number because she's got to be in her mid to late 40s (looks great after having twins) and she assumes there is no daddy. Of course when Cindy comes up to them and Jill asks her personal questions about if there is a baby daddy and if she carried the twins herself.

Everyone's feet are disgusting with paint and pieces of paper towel stuck to them.

So far I'm 30 minutes in and I'm bored. However, most of the premieres for the RH are this way...they need to ease into the drama.


Ramona is interviewing people to get a second assistant. I'm uncomfortable for every single applicant.

One is nervous because it is her first interview out of college. Ramona tells her that her outfit and her look is all wrong. Then she tells her that she is going to give her some of her skincare stuff because it looks like she could use some help with her skin.

Shut the fuck up Ramona you did NOT just say that. This poor girl.

The Man LuAnn is out to dinner with her boyfriend Jacques, Sonja and Sonja's friend Brian. Everyone seems to be ignoring Jacques or maybe they just can't understand him with his accent. He seems nice enough.


Ramona, Mario, Alex and Simon are at Ramona's house in The Hamptons. Ramona is pissed that Alex is taking so long putting on makeup for breakfast. I told you - this modeling thing has gone to Alex's head.

The four of them and Jill and Bobby are going to a wedding in The Hamptons. Ramona didn't tell Jill that Alex was also attending.

The gay marriage march is the next day and Jill used the excuse that she was going to a wedding out of town as the reason she couldn't march.  Drama.

Jill is shocked that Alex and Simon are there. Alex thinks she's a movie star and is wearing giant sunglasses and is making Jill feel uncomfortable because when Jill said that she was going to an "out of town wedding" she assumed she meant Florida, not The Hamptons. Basically telling her that staying in the Hamptons for the weekend is no excuse for not gay marching.

Alex and Ramona are both wearing white - I thought that was a major faux pas but what do I know?

After the ceremony Ramona is gossiping to Mario, Alex and Simon. I don't really understand the story - something about some dead guy's cigars in someone's mouth? Anyway, the guy she's talking has a ister who ends up RIGHT behind her and hears the whole thing. Hilarious.

Jill spends the time at the reception bitching about Alex and actually calls her a "fucking bitch" and that she's here socializing at a party that is "so above her". What a snob!?

HOLY SHIT! I was right. Jill's friend says that "traditionally it's improper to wear cream and white to a wedding."  I know stuff.

Alex and Ramona go and sit with Jill and her friends and Alex confronts her about the fact that she knew she was coming to this wedding but pretended not to? Something like that. These women have nothing else to fight about because this is just stupid.

Alex is really driving me nuts.

During this last commercial break I am seeing the preview for Watch What Happens Live (which I did not DVR) and I'm seriously frightened at what Jill looks like. What. The. Fuck.

Scenes for the season look great...Kelly's crazy is back, Alex is loving herself, Jill is fighting with everyone and Ramona is inappropriate. Just like old times!

Pregnant In Heels

This is a new show on Bravo. I wasn't planning to recap it but I started watching and right away there was someone I could make fun of - so I'm going to give it a try.

Premise: Rosie Pope is a maternity concierge, fashion designer and all around pregnancy guru. She caters to rich people who don't mind spending thousands and thousands of dollars on maternity clothes or who have no idea what to do with a baby.

Rosie has one baby but apparently he was sort of a miracle. Her uterus is shaped strangely so she is now having a very difficult time getting pregnant herself. She's using IVF.



She's on her way to meet some clients, Sarah and Jon. It is their first baby and they need help designing a nursery.  She's due in four weeks and have not planned for their nursery yet?

Sarah says that when she first found out she was pregnant she "thought of it as this like life force sucking parasite." Lovely.

They live in Tribeca and have their loft designed "sleek" and not cluttered. They don't want to change things too much with the nursery. They basically think that all baby toys are ugly.  They want Rosie to help them create a nursery that won't cramp their style.

They think the baby stuff is too "babified". Basically, what the place looks like matters more than the baby's happiness and development. No noisy, colorful toys. Awesome.

Rosie gives all of her clients a Baby IQ test to see how prepared they are. We only get to hear two questions. The couple is surprised that a baby can projectile vomit and projectile poop.

When Rosie gets to see the house, we see the "baby stuff" that they've collected so far.

A changing table - looks so inviting and soft to a baby right??

And the crib.

Yes, they are due in 4 weeks. Not only could anything happen and the baby could come at any time - but how can you not be excited to get the baby's room ready? I had mine decorated and ready 2 months before my due date!

They don't have a carseat, stoller or clothes.

The expectant father Jon says that when he was a kid, it was made known that he was NOT the center of the universe, that he was just there for the ride.  Rosie asks them if that's how they want to make their baby feel and Sarah says "The world doesn't revolve around them."

Wow.

Sarah doesn't talk to her belly and has no connection to the baby in there. She says she's not going to be the type to do baby talk and whatnot. I feel bad for this kid and he hasn't been born yet.

Rosie is taking them shopping since they are completely unprepared. The strollers are so overwhelming to Sarah that she wants to run out. I want to punch her in the face, pregnant or not.

Sarah wants the baby to only have two little blocks to play with. Nothing big or gaudy like a stuffed animal.  The blocks are "perfect" because the baby can just "knock them together."  Oh and the guy in the lavender V-neck tee in this photo is not a gay assistant. That's Sarah's husband Jon.

On another day, Rosie is bringing a therapist to Sarah and Jon's house because Rosie is concerned about their negative attitude towards children. This should go over well.

The guy in the pink V-neck tee in this photo is not a gay assistant. That's again Sarah's husband Jon.

Sarah is offended that Rosie brought a therapist, as is pink V-neck.  They NEED this therapist. Just from her comment about the baby being a "life force sucking parasite" alone, nevermind the fact that they don't think babies care about having colors and things to look at and listen to.

Sarah has lots of anxiety regularly and since she doesn't want to add baby anxiety to that she just doesn't think about it (which means she doesn't prepare for the baby and probably why they don't have any clothes, diapers, etc. even though she's four weeks away from her due date).

Another problem is that the couple thinks that their life is virtually ending with the birth of this baby. I'm sad for them.

My life began with my son's birth so I'm the exact opposite of these people. I do not like them

It is now two weeks away from the estimated due date and you would still never know it by walking into their loft. The nursery is still called "the guest room".  Rosie and her assistant send Sarah and Jon out of the building while they decorate.

The room turns out slightly boring but at least there is SOME color in there.

Sarah is appalled with the baby gym (mat). I guess they don't want their child to be stimulated in any way and maybe not learn any hand eye coordination.

Rosie visits the couple after the baby is born.  And no, the guy in the baby blue v-neck tee is not the gay nanny, that's Jon - the father.

Unfortunately, their baby is named Fox. I think. Oh boy. I see some v-neck tees in his future.




Next couple - Samantha and her husband Mitch are pregnant with their third child. They are having trouble naming the baby so I guess they are paying Rosie to help name their son. Samantha is a personal branding expert. Whatever that is.

For their first child they gathered up all their alma mater's magazines (Harvard and Dartmouth) because they publish baby names. They put all the names into a spreadsheet.  Then they bought a book that was something like the 12,000 most popular baby names and they read through every single baby name to see what each of their reaction would be. WHAT? 

The two names of their daughters are Ella and Ruby. Beautiful names but they used all of that time and research to come up with them? Scary.

Rosie has gathered a group of people together to help on the name - businessmen, poets, baby name bloggers, etc. 

Some rules on the naming per Samantha and Mitch:

1. Easy to spell
2. Not too popular
3. No decorative names
4. No J in the first name
5. No E in the first name
6. No R in the first name
7. Don't want the first name to end in "S"

One guy suggests "Porter" and Samantha response is "But Porter doesn't remind you of someone who helps you with your bag?" So...a bellhop?

Miles, Holden, Tucker, Bode, Bowen, Asher. Some of the names thrown out there.

Now that there is a list of baby names - Rosie has a focus group put together to see what they can decide.  Samantha and Mitch watch the focus group through a window where the group cannot see them.  They are going to review a list of ten names - 5 that the couple liked and 5 that the couple hated.

Bode  (pronounced Bow-dee)
Asher
Holden
Miles
Clifford
Jayden
Tucker
Bowen
Bronx
Steven

First going into this, the couple figured they would be naming their baby based on this focus group. But now that some of the members have disagreed with some of the names the couple liked, they feel like they need to get their friends' opinions. Holy shit people.

Now Rosie has to put together a dinner party with their friends to go over the three names that the focus group comes up with. I hope they are paying her a lot.

I'm annoyed with them but not as much as the first couple.

The top three names from the focus group: Miles, Holden, Asher. Since the friends don't seem to like these very much, Samantha throws out there that they still want to consider Bode, Bowen and Tucker - basically the ones that got the worst reaction from the focus group. And let's face it...they are the worst three.

Thankfully, none of their friends like Bowen.

Tucker reminds one friend of Tucks medicated pads and Samantha doesn't even know what those are.  She probably will know what they are after giving birth.

The consensus with the friends is that they like the name Asher. Why do I have a feeling that they are going to end up naming the baby Bowen or Tucker? UGH!!

Rosie is going to visit Samantha and Mitch after the baby is born. She will be finding out the name they chose.

Bowen Asher.

Asher is cute, in fact I know someone who named her son Asher and I love it. But Bowen? BOWEN? I keep thinking of Boeing, like a Boeing 747. Poor kid.

However, at least they chose a name they liked instead of letting random people choose it.

I don't know if I'll recap every single one of these episodes so I'm going to play it by ear. I absolutely love pregnancy and babies and I absolutely love making fun of people who are clueless, crazy or full of themselves - so it is fair to say I'll be at least watching it.

Survivor: Redemption Island: Some Ugly Feet (from 4/6)

Everyone looks like a demon in the night vision shots.

And here we go on Raw Sewage Island...a snake in the first shot.

Sarita arrives at Matt's place but he's not wearing his face mask. Maybe he is used to the raw sewage smell or has decided against the bank robbery.

The orange/yellow tribe gets their tree mail that says the entire tribe is attending the duel so they are assuming they are merging. They pack up their things so they don't get stuck moving to the new beach and having to leave everything behind.

The morning of the duel, Matt shows us the bottom of his foot where he has a cut. Warning - here's the picture again. Gross.

Jeff doesn't say that they will merge - he just says that the winner of this duel will be returning to the game.

Luckily for Matt, this duel doesn't involve his feet...oh wait. It involves being barefoot standing on a teeny tiny foot hold so that edge with his cut is going to be scraped up right against the side. What are the odds? He should have kept his mouth shut about the cut, maybe the duel would have been different. Conspiracy????  Hope he has a bandaid.

And doesn't that look like a non-hairy hobbit foot?

It looks like he has a little ace bandage. Or maybe it is part of his bank robbing/sewage blocking mask. Either way, it will help him out.

Jeff asks Phillip about something and he blabs on and on about the samurai or something. 22 minutes has passed even though they were only supposed to be on the ledge for 15 minutes.

The foot holds get smaller as they go down. There is no time limit on the final bottom foot hold. It is about an 8th of an inch of wood. Matt's right pinky toe is actually BIGGER than the foot hold.

Matt is struggling. Sarita was looking good but suddenly she's feeling pain. She drops out. It had to go this way because if Matt had lost he would have probably sued Survivor for screwing him over with that challenge.

Sarita goes home burning her "buff" on the way. Ugh. When he says drop your buff in the fire on the way out my mind doesn't go to the little bandana.

Jeff tells them that they are merged and they are going to a new beach. Also, after the next tribal council, Raw Sewage Island begins again.

At the new beach there is a ton of food. I wonder if there is another clue for a new immunity idol since they are in a new place?

They talk about naming the new tribe and Rob says that Murlonio means "from the sea united". Everyone loves it and thinks it is so beautiful.  Rob tells the camera in interview that his wife (Amber) has a lot of stuffed animals and the ring leader is Murlonio. Awesome.

Everyone is working hard to build their shelter and I get to get some chills again when a spider is on the screen.

People are starting to scheme already to get Matt and Andrea on their team.

Matt and Andrea discuss strategy in the middle of the night so it is like two demons making secret plans.
Matt wants to blindside his old tribe and Andrea isn't too sure about it yet.

The pink bible is out the next day and some god talk is going on. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If there is a higher power and he or she is working on helping one of these assholes win a million dollars instead of helping sick and starving people in the world SOMETHING IS WRONG.

Time for the immunity challenge. It involves balancing balls on a platter while standing on a log. Phillip is already rocking back and forth. Standing on a log is hard, dude.

Julie falls first.

Now they add another ball. I'm sure anyone who has waited tables before would be good at this but how knows.

Ashley is out next, David's balls drop too. he he

Third ball now. The last person standing with all of their balls wins. Andrea is out. Grant is out next and I no longer have a crush on him because he has black toenails. No amount of dreads can make up for that.

Matt and Rob fall out of the challenge. Phillip drops his.

Mike, Steve, Natalie and Ralph are left.

Ralph's out. Steve's out.

Jeff says that Mike has no movement at all "It's like those balls are glued to his dick."

Ok he said "disc" but wouldn't that have been better if he said dick instead?  They all would have dropped their balls at that point.

Mike lost his balance so Natalie wins. I think she was one of the lazy armpit girls from the yellow/orange tribe.

Rob and Matt are sitting on some rocks and Matt is going on about his god again. This is a GAME SHOW!  Anyway, Matt tells Rob that he had been thinking about joining with the other team and getting rid of Rob. WHY DID HE DO THAT? Idiot. But, he does tell Rob that he changed his mind and is staying with his original tribe. Maybe his god whispered in his ear right before he headed off to a taping of the Price is Right.

As they are talking the camera pans to some of the girls coming out of the ocean. Obviously the girl is just adjusting her boobs and maybe squeezing some water out from the bathing suit top but it really looks like she's nude and playing with her own boobies.

Holy shit, a giant snake on the beach and a crazy looking frog - VOTE ME OUT NOW! But not to Raw Sewage Island where there are more snakes, frogs and spiders. HOME.

Mike slips Matt a note that says "Vote for Grant and I'll take you to the final three."

I can't keep track of who is voting for Matt and who is voting for Grant. I'd rather not hurt my brain since we'll find out within the next 12 minutes.

David complains that the other tribe slept under the tarps last night when the rest of them got soaked with the rain.  Ashley (boob grabbing girl I think) says that they were the ones who won the tarps so why wouldn't they use them? David says that they "won" in quotation marks...I guess that was the challenge that they threw to get rid of Russell.

Phillip says "Jeff, that's the distinction between the two tribes..." David interrupts with "Oh please!" I don't know if he's learned about Phillip's loony ways yet but we're in for another speech. I'm actually going to rewind and put it on closed captions so I can repeat his little speech.

"We would never not try and here's what I'd like to say about that, Jeff.  There are some in that tribe like deceipt. Which would be beautiful and glorious but as you know when it received outward it sometimes leave the stench so great that you know that its probably carrying something parasitic and therefore you don't want to approach it."

I'm with everyone else that just read that...HUH?

Everyone laughs.

Time for the voting which I fast forward through because I seriously don't need to see each person walk up to the podium and put their paper in.

After someone on the staff (or Jeff) fixes the papers in the bucket so as to build drama, Jeff comes back and asks if anyone wants to use their immunity idol. Hairy Ralph gets up and decides to play it for Mike? I have no idea why he just wasted that.  There is probably not one vote for Mike.

I honestly want Matt to go back to Raw Sewage Island.

Five votes immediately for Grant. One for Steve. Then Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. Woo hoo the final vote is for Matt so he's going back to the island.

I'm assuming all of the orange/yellow tribe voted for Matt, the other team all voted for Grant and Matt voted for Steve.

On Sewage Island Matt is still talking about his god. Sorry dude, he must have been busy helping someone pick the right letters on Wheel of Fortune. Better luck next week.

Teen Mom 2 Finale Special with Dr. Drew

In honor of the final episode I'm giving a shout out to my biggest fan - my friend Carrie Sinwelski. Love you!!

Of course, I love all of you that read my blog!!!

To the show!!

We just see them sitting on the couch and I'm already distracted by Chelsea's hair. I hope she has something to say about it.  It is actually making me nauseated it is so ugly.

First we have a look at what has happened this entire season. Makes me hate Jenelle all over again.

Quick rundown:

Leah is still quite orange with her super thick eyeliner.

Chelsea says she is still working on her GED but we all know about her hair.

Jenelle still isn't working.

Kailyn says Isaac is almost 30 lbs.

Leah is first up. They flashback to early in the season when she has the straight bangs, curly hair and ugly lip piercing. She wins as the most improved as far as looks despite her skin tone.

There is still no new information about Ali. She needs more tests but she's improving.

Dr. Drew hits a nerve when he asks where Leah's father is (she doesn't know). A recurring theme with all the teen moms (except Chelsea and Maci from season 1 - well, and Farrah maybe...but she doesn't call him dad so I get confused).

For the first time I'm watching the episode in real time so I can't fast forward through the commercials. I am very impatient right now.  I don't know how people do it without DVRs. Commercials are such a waste of time.

After the break Corey is joining Leah on the set.  Thankfully he is not wearing a too-tightly-curled-brim hat.  Maybe he read my blog. Or looked in a mirror. Or looked at his hat when he wasn't wearing it and said "What the fuck?"

Leah's orange-osity is much more noticeable sitting next to pale Corey.

They are talking about the issues with Ali and they are crying.

This is depressing. We need to move onto the trainwrecks of the show. I'm predicting that Kailyn is next, then Chelsea and then dum dum dummmmm Jenelle is the anchor.

Poop. I was wrong. Dr. Drew said that Chelsea is up next. He says "Everyone of course wants to know..." and I TOTALLY thought he was going to say "what's up with the blonde hair" but he said "what's going on with Adam." I guess we want to know that too. But PLEASE Dr. Drew, for the love of all that is bleached, ASK HER!


Chelsea is wearing an ugly shirt that has orange sleeves. For a second I thought she was wearing a tank top.

The flashback to Chelsea's storyline doesn't highlight Adam's doucheness as one would have thought. We do get to see the scene where the girls talk in bed with their 80s hair again.

She and Adam are BACK TOGETHER. Is this the dumbest girl on the planet? Adam is here, of course. Maybe they are back together just so he could be on TV for the finale special.

His douchey sideburns are so long and the brim on his hat isn't curled at all. There's a happy medium here, guys.

Adam isn't really "living" with Chelsea so he is still not paying rent. Douche.

Randalicious is here and he's put on a few pounds.  Of course, Adam and Chelsea switch places on the couch so that Randy isn't close to Adam.

Adam is disrespectful and swearing at Randy saying that he's talking out of his ass. I want Randy to jump up and punch him.

This is the worst relationship since Ike and Tina. Neither of them trust each other. They argue constantly. Adam yells at Chelsea for having feelings.  Chelsea says that she tries to not fight or cry around Aubree. Too bad all of it is recorded and broadcast all over the world.

There is no way that this relationship will work. No way.

Dr. Drew did not ask about the blonde hair.


Misery is up next. I mean Kailyn. A flashback full of frowns and misery.

She's crying after seeing Jo yell at her in the parking lot after the custody meeting. This is new. I don't remember her really crying at all during the season.

Kailyn has her own place and Jo doesn't know where she lives so he can't come by in a fit of rage. Good decision.

Oh man, goofy Jordan is here and this is what he looked like in the shot before the commercial. Perfect!

OH...MY...GOD.  Please tell me that this is just the lighting on the stage and that his sneakers are actually white.

Nope, they actually are flourescent green because Dr. Drew commented on it. They really match with his navy blue sweater and red collared shirt. They are almost as distracting as Chelsea's hair. And the laces are flourescent green too. They are scary.

Kailyn actually seems to have a decent head on her shoulders during this finale and she's on Mirena so she won't get pregnant with a giant baby.  Ok, I know I make fun of Goofy but he seems to be a nice guy.

Jo and Janet are joining Kailyn on stage now. Jo is not wearing ugly sneakers and he has a nice v-neck sweater on. Too bad he is an asshole.

Kailyn admits that she should have waited to date someone else. Jo says that he had dreams of being a family with Kailyn and that he still loves her. When Dr. Drew asks if he's still IN love with her he hesitiates before he says no. Awkward!!!

I think Jo is kind of trying to make himself look good on TV to make up for the swearing and yelling in the last episode.

Janet drops some gossip that even when Kailyn was living in the basement (and dating Jordan) that she would wake up in the morning and see Kailyn in Jo's bed. Lovely. I wonder if Jordan overheard this or if he's just sitting backstage scratching his head and blinding people with his sneakers.

I'm annoyed that Kailyn keeps saying to Janet that she knows she could have done things differently. She doesn't apologize. She's admitting she was wrong, but in a roundabout way. Just like Jo - he keeps saying that he's sorry "to a degree".

This segment is filled with fauxpologies. (That was the Urban Dictionary Word of the Day recently...and I'm happy I got to use it in a sentence.)

Janet and Kailyn hug and the audience claps.  Janet is still my favorite parent of the teen mom cast, with Barb's boyfriend Mike falling in a close second. Just because he is such a secondary character on the show and seems to know that Jenelle is a piece of shit like the rest of us.


Jenelle's turn and she seems to be wearing a weird flowery top with some 80s shoulders. I think she may have borrowed it from Barb. One good point - she seems to have cut off her dirty hemp necklace but maybe it is hiding under the 80s top.

Flashback of Jenelle's story! Full of yelling, swearing and sad shots of Jace.  Also the realization that my accent is somewhat similar to Barb's (me being from Massachusetts)...but I don't yell like she does and she's a little more NY/NJ.

Jenelle knows that Reefer was bringing her down now. She doesn't like to be alone, she doesn't feel loved. Hmm...I wonder if that is why she got pregnant? Someone to always love her? Except I don't know that Jace will love her when he grows up and sees these episodes. Poor kid.

Dr. Drew points out that Reefer was a criminal and homeless...what's not to love? Jenelle said that his sense of humor got her. I thought maybe it was because he wore dirty hemp necklaces like her and said corny quotes like "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present." I mean, who WOULDN'T fall for that. It's like he's Shakespeare.

Jenelle knows that Reefer used her, but what she doesn't seem to know is that she needs to use some different shampoo. Her roots are really greasy looking.

Dr. Drew tells her that she can use this show to tell Reefer to fuck off if she wants. Go Dr. Drew!

Obviously this was filmed before Jenelle's viral video brawl because it hasn't been mentioned.

Barbara joins them after the commercial break and the first sentence she says is "Jenelle never expresses anything to me but disrespect." Oh what would we do without these two? Teen Mom 2 would not have been so exciting but seeing Jace makes me wish that this were a scripted fake TV show. No child should have to be in the middle of these two screaming at each other and no child should be subjected to Jenelle as a mother.

Dr. Drew puts Barbara on the spot and asks here to say three positive things about Jenelle. Holy shit, I'd fail that test even if it were multiple choice.

Barbara actually can't think of anything quickly. She says she's strong, she can be ambitious and can't think of a third. I cannot imagine being such an awful person that my own mother can't think of three positive things to say about me.

Dr. Drew asks if she is loveable and Barbara immediately says no. Well that's clear. No one can be loveable with a stinky hemp necklace.

Jenelle tells her mother that she wants her to show she cares about her and not yell at her. Barbara starts crying because all Jenelle does is disrespect her. Jenelle seems like she is a sociopath and she has no emotion or expression. She threatens to walk off the set.

This is the worst mother daughter relationship since Joan Crawford and Christina. I wonder if Barbara hates wire hangers too.


Time for the four moms to get together and ask each other questions. Please someone ask Chelsea about her hair!!!!!!!

So far Leah asks Chelsea how she deals with her relationship with Adam and her dad and Chelsea asks Leah how she deals with having twins, one of whom has a medical problem. (Except you KNOW Chelsea didn't use the word "whom").  These are stupid questions.

Somebody ask Chelsea what the fuck happened to her hair!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm giving up.

The babies are coming out now. Of course Aubree is wearing leopard and pink and Jace although older than a year is still drinking from a bottle. Isaac and the twins are adorable.

The Teen Mom 2 party is NOT over - next week there is an episode with unseen footage.

And then, on to the new season of 16 & Pregnant. Woo hoo!

Bethenny Ever After: Happy Birthday, hope your eyebrows don't get burned off! (from 4/4)

If Bethenny is so against having a birthday party, why does she let people plan one for her and make such a big deal about it? For the show? She says that it is because Jason is really into birthdays. It still doesn't mean she needs to have basically a second wedding.

Shawn, the party planner has lots of gay circus (B's words) ideas for her party. Shirtless men with some kind of Bethenny logo, champagne glasses hanging from the ceiling with ribbons.

B explains that she hates her birthday because her dad never called her on her birthday and her mom shares her birthday so it was just never special. Ok, you're turning 40 - at SOME point you have to get over this. Her parents haven't been in her life for such a long time that it seems insane to keep blaming them for things. She's a mom, a wife, a famous entrepeneur with her own TV show - get over your shitty parents.

Jason is talking to Julie about B's birthday party. It looks like he hasn't done his hair but I am strangely attracted to him with it curly like this. I don't like his gel-slicked look.

They want to fly in her friend Teri (who was her maid of honor) from Florida. At first she told her that she couldn't come so it will be a surprise for B.

B is having lunch with her skaing partner. I'm appalled that B doesn't know who Vince Neal is (apparently he was on Skating with the Stars when B was). She's gone down a few notches on my list because of that. Come on now.

I'm a little bored with this skating stuff. I don't particularly like these "____ with the Stars" shows and I feel embarrassed for the participants.  Also, B looks really silly dancing and her skating partner is a big cheesy. Hope that's all for the skating scenes.

Jason's parents are in town and his father fixed up this metal mannequin for B's birthday, so cute that they love her. They put a photo of B's head on it.

B is trying on dresses and I'm actually frightened at how thin she looks. On my TV people tend to look fatter than they are so imagine what she must look like in real life.

She's not happy with her dress selection and I'm starting to feel annoyed with her more than I have in the past. She seems so selfish right now. Everyone wants to celebrate her birthday and make it a GREAT day for her especially since she has obviously had horrible birthdays in the past - and she's just miserable. She should be grateful for these family and friends that she has now.

She's getting her makeup and hair done and she's crying. I want to knock her out right now.  Jason split his pants and has been walking around like that all day so that actually makes her smile.

It is party time and there is a girl playing a flourescent pink instrument and I'm a little freaked out by her because she's dancing a little bit too.

Alex and Simon are here! Woo hoo! I'm disappointed that Simon doesn't have his read pants on.

Bug-eyed Ramona is here and I'm waiting for her to talk about her haircut being a renewal or something. I can't wait until the RH of NY but I didn't remember Ramona annoying me so much.

Jason pulls B aside and tells her that he has a surprise for her. She's begging him not to give her a surprise. I hate her right now. The surprise is her friend Teri making it to the party. She's at least happy about that but then she starts crying. Teri gives her a necklace with a small photo of her, Jason and Bryn in it...very cute.

Jason is on the microphone thanking people for coming and is presenting her with a surprise (the mannequin with a little pin and some diamond earrings too). She is mortified and asks Jason "Why are you doing this in front of everyone?" She's mortified and super uncomfortable. I feel horrible for Jason. However, he keeps going on with the toast on the microphone. I'm even uncomfortable at this point. Everyone is staring.

After it is done B pulls Jason into another room and she's bawling. I'm sure no one can hear what they are talking about but the camera work is making it look like everyone can hear her screeching and crying in the bathroom.

One problem I'm seeing with this party is that it is SO BRIGHT in there. Why don't they dim the lights?

Now someone else is on the microphone making things worse. An enormous cake with sparklers coming out of it is brought out to her. Do they want her to become a burn victim for her birthday, is that the surprise?

She's actually attempting to blow them out. Blowing out candles on a cake is nasty because you know how many particles of spit come flying out when you do that?

Thank goodness the party is over. I really think that the party wouldn't have been so uncomfortable had they dimmed the lights. It was like they were on the court at a basketball game.

The next day is Bethenny's actual birthday. She wants to have a pool party for her birthday. This is actually a bubble bath with her, Jason, Bryn and Cookie, the dog. Cookie's even wearing sunglasses.  It is cute but I'm still annoyed at her behavior at the party.

The Real Housewives of OC: (from 4/3)

We're starting with Peggy. I'm hoping she got over the paper cut her daughter had last week.

The "holistic" woman that she is, not wanting to take medication for, you know...mental illness, certainly believes in anesthesia, needles, collagen, implants, etc.  Is that not a huge contradiction? She's ok with unnecessary surgeries/medications for vanity reasons but claims to be against medicine for ACTUAL illness.  I am annoyed with the hipocrisy.

She and her husband are at the plastic surgeon for a consult about another boob job. Apparently hers have dents.

Later in the week/month/year, Peggy is taking her 1 year old daughter Capri and 3 year old daughter London to her modeling agent.   London is running around the room and won't stop to have her picture taken. She's fucking three years old Peggy. Let her be a kid and don't put her to work at this age.



Gretchen is planning her parent's surprise anniversary party, a renewal of their vows. I'm distracted in this first scene because of three things. #1 In interview, she's wearing a hideous outfit, an awul necklace and her hair looks horrible.  #2 Her boobs are squished so tightly together and lifted that I'm surprised I noticed how awful her top, necklace and hair were. #3 She's wearing a T-shirt with two oranges right over the boobs and it is ugly. Maybe it's a melon, I don't know. Either way it's corny.

This is followed by an annoying scene where Gretchen and her assistant go into her parents' beach house to take a dress of her mother's so she knows the size.

Gretchen has taken her wedding ring from her first marriage and has had it remade into a big ring for her mother. She should have just told us she bought it new because that is NOT sentimental...regurgitating a ring from a failed marriage and giving it to your mom to celebrate her successful one?  Um, no.

For some reason it has taken Gretchen this long to realize that the size, look and price of an engagement ring doesn't actually determine the couple's happiness. Huh. Take notes people, this is important stuff that you probably would have never known otherwise.

Slade Smarmy gets home and calls Gretchen's father "dude' twice over the phone.



At Vicki's house, she's making very specific orders on how to make dinner. Steaks are 17 minutes on each side with the lid of the grill never opened. Maybe there is a secret hole in the grill to flip it without opening the top. I'm kidding.

Of course, this plan doesn't work so well and one of the steaks is as black as...burnt steak. I'm surprised to see Vicki using A-1 Steak Sauce on her steak. I thought fancy people didn't use that stuff.

The family is giving Vicki shit for never being around. She works constantly and goes on trips without her husband or her family.  You can clearly see her and Don's relationship going down the toilet in this season.



Oh Tamra. I know I'm going to want to punch her in the face more in this episode than ever before. She's acting like a silly teenager who CRAVES attention by being half naked and pretending to be bi-sexual.  You're TOO OLD TAMRA!

She's doing a photo shoot with her lesbian friend for the NO H8 which supports gay marriage. In interview Tamra says "Have I dipped into the vagina pool? Let's just say I'm an equal opportunist." and then proceeds to make the duck face. GROSS. I'm glad I have an empty stomach right now.

Tamra is moving from an apartment to a bigger house. Ugly Eddie is helping her move.

Her lesbian friend Fernanda is having a citizenship party because she became a US citizen. Some of the guests don't know who the first president of the US was.  Fernanda is pissed that Tamra decided to move on the day of this party.  Why are cameras at Fernanda's house when none of the housewives are there?

While packing up things in the garage, Ugly is finding all of Tamra's wedding momentos - her dress, her wedding candle, glasses.  Ugly is showing some signs of Simon and wanting her to get rid of these things. Tamra cries as she places her glasses into the dumpster.



Alexis is putting together a party on a Tuesday from 6 to 8 pm. Tamra tells her she should invite Vicki even though they don't really get along. Of course. It is a "zen" party with relaxation AND botox!

Tamra has armed herself with pepper spray just in case Gretchen calls her evil again.

No one wants to take the gift of free botox from Alexis. They've either already gotten it recently or they enjoy moving their forehead.  Alexis gets it, of course.

Fernanda tells Tamra that she was disappointed that Tamra couldn't make it to her party and Tamra, the drama queen, flips her head and exclaims "Disappointed? Are you kidding me right now?! I was fricken moving!?"  I don't remember Tamra having a job really, so why couldn't she move on another day?

She keeps calling Fernanda "honey" and is SHOCKED that her friend was disappointed that she couldn't make it to her party. Tamra is crazy.  Fernanda is calm and completely normal. Tamra is reacting as though Fernanda is attacking her.

Peggy sucks up a bit to Vicki and decides that she loves Tamra.  On the way out Tamra screeches that she didn't have to use her mase. My god I hate Tamra.

I'll say it again, the only likeable person on this show is Vicki's daughter. Poopie episode tonight.