HEADS UP: Change on Real Housewives Schedule!

So I was mentally preparing myself for blogging about Krazy Kelly Bensimon on the RHoNYC but I found out today that the premiere is being postponed until "later this spring" and we will be seeing a NEW franchise - The Real Housewives of Miami.

Apparently originally the show in Miami was called "Miami Social" but it flopped. I've never even heard of it.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/watch_with_kristin/b224150_bravo_announces_real_housewives_of.html

Hopefully Miami brings the crazy like New York!

Jersey Shore (from 2/3)

We are continuing on with the same night we left off last week. Ronnie seems to be drinking a lot, which of course upsets Sammi Sourpuss. She is standing alone, not drinking and Ronnie says to the camera that with Sam, it’s always “one step forward, two step backs”. Caution: Xenadrine causes you to make the wrong word plural.

SAMMI IS THE MOST ANNOYING GIRLFRIEND EVER. Getting mad at Ron for being drunk, she reminds me of me when I was like 15 getting pissed at my also 15 year old boyfriend for drinking. But hello? We were fucking 15.

Evidently the way the guys get girls to go home with them is with a promise of pajamas. That and the chance to look like a dirty whore on national television. Win – win situation.

Sam attempts to try to feed Ronnie in bed with a spoon and he purses his lips and blows a raspberry just like when I feed my 8 month old and he doesn’t want anymore. Oh and look, Ron is spitting up too. Well, puking. In a paper shopping bag. I believe The Situation and his pajama date are in bed in the same room.

“What I did on my summer vacation: I got drunk at a bar, went home with a guy who looks sort of like an old man but isn’t and then banged him in the room while his roommate threw up in a shopping bag. I went to Jersey Shore and all I got was this lousy herpe.”

The next morning, Ron is pooping blood this morning so he’s going to the doctor. While backing out of the driveway he almost runs over a guy on a bicycle. The doctor tells him he’s going to “check out the area”. I am unsure why Ron allowed the cameras while this anal probe was going on. Hell to the no.

Doc asks Ron if he feels any pain while he’s poking around down there  “Here? No. Here? No. Here? No. Here? No.” - how much room does he HAVE down there?

“How about deeper through here?” "Almost through here?” ” Yeah.”

Ok, doc has struck oil.

“Is there any pain around the rim at all?” “No”  Maybe Deena took care of the rim, she supposedly likes that, right?

Ronnie said the doctor told him he messed up his asshole from drinking. Maybe I just don’t know enough about people’s pooping habits after the bars, but I’ve never heard of asshole injuries from too much alcohol. Well, I’m sure they are actually pretty common but not in straight men, right?

Sammi wants to know if they used clamps to get in there.

Holy hell we’re only 8 minutes in. I think I’ve typed more than was actually spoken on the show so far.

The girls minus Sam take a fun trip to the pharmacy and we know this not only from the sign, but because they start filming in the “Depends” aisle.  Snooki is riding a teeny tricycle and the handlebars break off and she falls down. They fix it because they don’t want to pay $150 for a tricycle.

Wait. What pharmacy sells $150 tricycles? Maybe it came with a basket full of meds.
Time to go to Karma! Snooki uses enough hairspray to kill a small animal. Ronnie has friends visiting from home and Deena immediately makes out with one of them.

More drunk sluts dancing on stages. I see London, I see France…

Snooki finds a guy to make out with and I thought he was the same guy as Deena. They all look the same to me. She takes him home and brings him to the house, DTF. However, she stops him because she has her period.  He stays over anyway and in the morning falls off the stripper pole.

On the floor next to the couch there is a bottle of alcohol and a bottle of Windex. Someone was thinking ahead.

Snooki’s new guy Jeff is already talking about getting her a promise ring in a couple of months. She wants to get rid of him now so when he calls later on, Pauly D answers the phone and pretends to be an answering machine. The guy actually starts to leave a message and Pauly’s eyes widen as he listens. Then in the middle of the “message” he says “For Snooki, press 1” for “Jenni, press 2” and the guy is actually pushing buttons.

I love Pauly D.

The girls go to the “sex toy store” where Snooki buys an outfit, wears it out of the store and says “I look like a hot drunk baseball player right now.” She then scares Deena by poking her with a giant vibrator.

Next comes the awkward dinner because of Ronnie and Sammi. It still makes me hungry though.

SAMMI IS THE MOST ANNOYING GIRLFRIEND EVER. She is straightening her hair and bugging the crap out of Ronnie. He clearly just wants her to go out so he can be alone and she stays in.  I wish she would have gone home last week.

The boys (minus Ron) and Deena head to the club. Pauly D’s ex stalker, Danielle is there. The last time Pauly D saw her she threw her drink in his face.  This time, she decides to go home with him. Makes sense.

Vinny calls her a stalker right to her face and asks her “What are you doing here?” Everyone is making fun of her calling her a stalker yet she hangs out.  I think she wants her own Jewish Stalker Spinoff.

Either The Situation or Vinny has brought home a girl who seems to be look as though she’s being Tina Turner for Halloween except it is not Halloween.

SAMMI IS THE MOST ANNOYING GIRLFRIEND EVER. Please go home, please go home, please go home. They “break up” but she’s following him around because she needs closure. I’m thinking “We’re fucking broken up” is closure enough but not for Sammi – she needs to be berated a little more.

Next weeks previews were more exciting than this entire episode! Ronnie’s ‘roid rage and the fact that SAMMI IS THE MOST ANNOYING GIRLFRIEND EVER makes Ron yet again throw all of Sam’s clothes on the floor and start breaking plastic furniture

Until next week – wear a condom.

Teen Mom 2 (from 2/1)

 

Leah and Corey are back together and spending the day with his family at the beach. I HATE Leah for being so skinny after having twins. I guess having a baby in your teens you are much more likely to bounce back quickly.

Why is Corey’s father wearing a mohair sweater underneath his Hawaiian shirt? Oh…sorry…that was chest hair.

They are holding the twins in the water asking them how they like the beach. Ali’s answer to that is spitting up. Love it.

Corey wants them to move back in together. His too tightly curled brimmed hats, him, Leah and the twins, all in one place. Yeah!

Sometime later in the week or month or year, Leah and Corey go to a friend’s “house” for a “barbeque”. I put both of those words in quotes because I use the terms loosely.  The “house” is one of those non-mobile-mobile homes that almost looks like a metal storage shed and the “barbeque” consists of about 35 hot dogs.

Corey and Leah then find a non-mobile-mobile-home-shed to move into. There are a lot of them that look the same there. Even the non-finished porch with no fence is just like the fancy barbeque spot. Their new “house” is on a river that is the color of Grey Poupon. But I’m just glad they are all together.

As a final side note on Leah’s segments: Leah needs to give her mom her hair salon’s phone number. NOW.

 

Chelsea is claiming that Adam is actually helping with their daughter. Maybe he puts the baby in the red sleeping bag on the floor now instead of her.

The three head out to the zoo and when Chelsea’s dad calls she lies and doesn’t tell him that Adam is with her. She wants to make sure they will be ok first…or until the show airs…whichever comes first.

The next day (or a few days later) Chelsea’s father visits and tells her that he’s been hearing rumors that she’s back with Adam. Chelsea’s father has a good gossip circle. Or maybe Megan, the roomie, ratted her out. If she did, I like her.

Someone needs to show Chelsea her 16 & Pregnant episode again. Or re-read those texts he sent. She looks like an idiot for taking him back.

The air conditioning isn’t working so Adam goes to buy a new filter. However, Chelsea’s father comes by and tells her that she just needs to turn the switch on. Brilliant!

I’m not one to talk about getting “dressed up” being a stay at home mom, but Chelsea is on TELEVISION. Run a comb through that thing please.

While out for some Coca Cola Classics, Adam and Chelsea make the decision that he should move in with her…in her house…that her dad pays for.

Megan is NOT happy about this and I don’t blame her. However, I can’t wait to see Chelsea’s Dad’s reaction.

 

Kailyn and Jo are getting along better now that she’s not seeing Awkward Jordan. They go on a date where Jo bites and picks his nails all while avoiding eye contact. Looks like they might be planning on getting back together. Great idea.

Kailyn’s friend Kim always wears shorts that are too short and too tight. She’s going to be on television and these are the outfits she' has chosen. She’s walking into Staples looking like someone just painted some shorts on her with her hair in a side ponytail. Yuck.

Kailyn wants to go to school without paying. I think she expected the woman at the school to tell her that she could attend even though she has no money. I used to work in Student Accounts at a college so I’m annoyed with her. She should have applied for financial aid long ago and she’d probably be fully covered with grants and loans since she’s a single mother with a part time job.

She should have just told the woman that her salary from “Teen Mom 2” will be coming soon – aren’t the cameras following her around enough collateral?

Now this is a surprise, Jo works full time. Kailyn asks him to borrow $600 and he says yes. Holy crap, he has enough money that he can loan her $600 on short notice? I think she is probably now obligated to give him a hummer or something.

 

Jenelle says she’s still spending lots of time with Jace, even though her mother has custody.  Jenelle explains that on Saturdays, she babysits Jace by herself. Babysits…her own son. However, it is Friiiiiiiday and she’s going out with friends. Surprise, surprise.

I think Jenelle and her friend got baked right before arriving at her friend’s house. I also think everyone sitting at the table playing cards has smoked a bit too. I keep scanning the table for a glass bowl or a baggy.

Jenelle is flirting with the guy who is wearing a hoodie even though it must be July since last week’s episode was the fourth of July. I think he said he didn’t graduate high school and that still makes her sexy. That doesn’t make sense at all. They are definitely high. Allegedly. They are giggling at things that make no sense. Way to go, Jenelle. Way to go.

Oh and his name is "Reefer”. No, I’m kidding. It’s “Kieffer”. Close enough.

It is the next morning when Jenelle is supposed to be babysitting for Jace (I wonder how much she gets paid per hour?) but she’s just getting home. She spent the night with Reefer.  Way to go.

She walks in the house and Barbara sees lots of hickeys. Gross. Who gives or gets hickeys? How is that sexual…sitting there sucking the blood to the surface of the skin? Bunch of animals.

Because of these hickeys, Barbara tells Jenelle that she is going to arrange for a babysitter for Saturdays (other than Jenelle).  It REALLY bothers me that Jenelle doesn’t care at all. She just shuts the bathroom door. Way to go.

“Staying out all night, probably wasn’t a good idea” says Jenelle in her voiceover. Oh my god, really??!

A few days later, Jenelle decides to leave her son again so she can go on a date with Reefer.  I think they get high and then get ice cream. Jenelle can’t eat the ice cream without it melting all over her hands and then she drops it on the ground. It is just becoming way too difficult to eat ice cream these days.

Jenelle knows a place where there is an alligator in the water and Reefer wants to see it. He’s taunting it by putting his leg towards the water. Jenelle announces via voiceover that there is just something about him she really likes. Well, he didn’t push her into the gator’s jaws – that was a good sign. Way to go, Reefer.

Jenelle is busy putting eyeliner on while Barbara is telling her she’s going to be late for school. Meanwhile, Jace is getting into the cabinet under the kitchen sink which I can only assume contains baby food and teething rings because you know the Ajax, dishwasher liquid and other chemicals are stored in Jace’s room.

Jenelle meets with her school counselor who tells her that she’s a good student (from her high school transcripts). She has chosen “film editing” as her career choice – which totally makes sense now. The music videos she was lip synching to on youtube were for school!

The two high lovebirds go out for some lunch, leaving Jace with Barbara. Shocking! Both are wearing hemp necklaces. I cut my dirty ass hemp necklace off my neck in about 1997 so it is confusing that they are wearing them in 2010.

Jenelle is at her friend Amber’s house telling her about Reefer. Amber asks if he has met Jace yet and Jenelle says no. I think the question I want to ask Jenelle is “Have YOU met Jace yet?” She’s NEVER home.

Reefer is going home with Jenelle to meet Barbara and Jace. He’s wearing white shorts with symbols from a deck of cards on them, a black shirt with white writing and a light blue hat. Awesome first impression Reefer, way to match. He also trips as he’s going to shake Barbara’s hand. Probably shouldn’t have smoked that blunt prior to arrival.

Barbara is grilling him. He is from New Jersey but his parents don’t live here. He walked here with a forty pound bag of clothes by himself. He is laid off right now but he can “do so many things”. I mean, you can’t even lie and say you have a job?

Jenelle points out that he has also taken “like” two classes in culinary school.  Not two years or two semesters…two CLASSES.  He says he can “walk into any kitchen around here pretty much and cook with my resume.” Well, he was bragging at the diner that he could do a better job than the short-order cook flipping burgers. I bet those two classes in culinary school were about turning the on the stove and flipping meat. He’s all set to apply at Tavern on the Green or Spago.

I can’t wait to see where this goes.

Until next week – please wear a condom.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta FINALE (from 1/30)

 

I can’t believe we’re already to the end of the season. I hope Nene redeems herself in this episode because she is usually my favorite but I REALLY didn’t like her last week when they were in Miami.

Lawrence is getting fake lashes and is going to perform his “Closet Freak” song. Everyone is attending except Cynthia because she might be working on wedding stuff.  Of course she is, we saw the previews.

Quick rundown: Nene claims she will never have anything to do with Kim anymore. I think we’ve heard this before. Kandi has the stupid broom hair-do again. Someone needs to help her. Phaedra’s earrings are as big as napkins.

Lawrence’s voice is good, very unlike Kim’s. He also looks comfortable on stage. Ohhh shit…Nene just said the SAME thing. We are destined to be friends.

 

Cynthia has 2 days until the wedding. She is in organization mode. She says that when she returned from Miami, she decided to forget all of the problems and go ahead with planning the wedding. Wait…wasn’t THE MAJOR problem that they don’t have enough money for the wedding? I’m guessing she’s maxing out a few credit cards in the next 2 days.

I’ve only been to one wedding with an open bar and it was as Castle in the Clouds in the White Mountains.  I had to drink the beer they made there so that sucked.

Anyway, for these people it is UNHEARD of to have a cash bar. According to Cynthia it is equivalent to going out and killing somebody. It is so incredibly backwards. The guests coming to this wedding can AFFORD to buy drinks. People like me on the other hand, really could use an open bar at a wedding. Those Coors Lights add up quick and who wants to keep running out to the cooler in the car to drink one in the parking lot?

To me, it sounds like Cynthia just wants to get married to have the actual wedding. She is ok with getting a divorce if things don’t work out.

Sorry, I don’t feel bad for her not having the money for her wedding.

 

Phaedra’s going back to work. I don’t know what lawyers dress the way she does and wear loads of white eye shadow. Oh wait, she’s got strippers as clients. She is correctly dressed.

She has feelings! She’s crying because she has to leave her baby Ayden at home while she goes to work. First surprise of the night = Phaedra is not made of stone despite the fact that she was frightened at her baby’s looks when he was first born. 

The babysitter wore lots of white eye shadow too so the baby would be comfortable with her.

 

Kim is at Kandi’s place. Apparently Kim went around Kandi about money for the song. She’s supposed to go through the producer. Kim thinks that the producer (Kandi) works on the song for 2 or 3 days and then they are done. For some reason Kim can’t get it through her thick wig that she wouldn’t have gone on that “bus tour” if it weren’t for Kandi and her voice wouldn’t be remotely acceptable without autotune.

The way Kim needs to sell her song is by getting her boobs redone. Yes, she actually said this.

I think Kandi believes that she has explained everything to Kim and that she understands. We all know that’s not true.

Whatever Kim was drinking has made her tongue BRIGHT red. Its like she’s 9 years old.

 

Sheree…get ready to be embarrassed. She’s auditioning for a movie. Oh my god, my face is actually getting red for her and she hasn’t even gone in the room yet.

Oh no, she’s in the room. They’ve already stopped her once for being terrible.

Is it just me or is one of the people on the panel she’s auditioning for the shy girl “Keisha” who turns into some crazy demon-like freak in the back of Loc-Dog’s mail truck in “Don’t Be a Menace…”? I think that’s her.

(from revolutionmyspace.com)

They are saying “no no no no no” about Sheree’s acting. RUN AWAY SHEREE! YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL!

So they just showed the woman’s name on the panel – Terri Vaughn. I looked her up and I’m right! She played “Keisha” in Don’t Be a Menace (pic above!). I’m awesome.  She’s yelling at Sheree too, I’m waiting for the demon face to come out.

Sheree thinks that the panel (directors, producers, etc.) want the character to be an “angry black woman” but Sheree thinks that is too cliché and she was trying to do it another way.

Hmmm…anyone want to bet the role she’s auditioning for is “angry black woman”. More embarrassment.

 

10 hours until Cynthia’s wedding. Her mother came up with $3k for the drinks for the wedding.

Everyone keeps asking her “Are you sure you want to do this?” and Cynthia doesn’t understand why. Maybe the fact that she looks ridiculously miserable. She even says that the wedding “doesn’t feel right”.  Way to start the marriage to the old man…sad and in debt.

Even Cynthia’s sister is crying because she knows this just seems moronic. Cynthia goes and takes a walk to a park and her mom follows where they cry. This amount and type of crying should NOT be happening on your wedding day.

I feel like she’s getting ready to turn herself in to start serving a life sentence!

What I don’t understand is what Cynthia is worried about…is it just the money thing? Or is something else going on? I can’t imagine someone being so sad about money when you’re spending it that day on a giant PARTY? Get married at city hall and save yourself hundreds of thousands of dollars.

 

We haven’t seen Greg, Nene’s husband in a while…since he did the interview on the radio about giving Nene money to promote herself. Nene told Greg “You have done me wrong as your wife.” He had, it seemed, and he didn’t care. So for the finale they’ve decided to talk about it. Producers must’ve told them they needed to “wrap up that storyline”.

He’s apologizing to her but she doesn’t seem to be accepting it. I’m bored with this whole conversation and storyline. I’m honestly yawning and I’m never tired at night. Maybe I’ve found my cure for insomnia…Nene and Greg’s conversations.

 

6 hours until the wedding. Cynthia’s sister finds out that there are no wedding bands – that was one of Peter’s “to-do items”. Cynthia is drinking champagne to stop her from crying. Not sure if that’s a good plan. While talking to her daughter she definitely looks a bit buzzed.

3 hours until the wedding.  Cynthia is not wearing white to get married, which I love. However, the silver dress is POOFY and it ties at the side of the neck in a giant poofy bow.. Second surprise of the night = dress is hideous.

(from bravotv.com)

(from brides.com)

 

 

Back at Smokey Smokerson’s place, Kim has a microphone in bed with her and she’s screaming “sweetie” into it to get her assistant Sweetie up there. Kim had her boobs done. They look just as big as before but now are apparently more smooshy. She is just so classy with that butt hanging out of her mouth while she’s getting ready.

Kim is dating Kroy, the football player she met at the Dancing with the Atlanta Stars or whatever. She has taken off “Big Poppa’s” engagement ring and she’s now actually dating a man who is not married.

 

Peter gets to the wedding and immediately says “I’m so fucked up right now.” He’s drunk…looks it, sounds it and apparently smells like it.

Cynthia forgot the marriage license. Someone may or may not have taken it from the house.

Diabolical events happening…Cynthia’s sister has the marriage license but is wondering if she should give it to Cynthia or not. I did not see this coming. Third surprise of the night = that Cynthia’s sister and mother would hide the marriage license in hopes she’d take it as a sign or something.

Kim shows up to the wedding with her own bottle of wine.  She says that there is no way that Cynthia has good wine since they had money problems. She has a glass and dumps ice in it. Classin’ it up with the cleavage, butts and BYOW.

 

Phaedra arrives and is excited to show off her lactating breasts.

 

1 hour to the wedding. The sister hasn’t fessed up about the license. She just told her “everything’s good with the marriage license.” I wonder how Cynthia will react when she finds this out since the sister didn’t hide her actions from the cameras.

Since they are getting married at a museum with dinosaur bones and statues, it isn’t your normal wedding venue. On the way to their seats, Apollo asks his wife Phaedra “Where are the flowers?” Phaedra’s answer is “Well…I guess the dinosaur is a wonderful accent…” and that cracked me up.

Sheree, snobby as ever: “The wedding was nice but you could see where they cut corners.” I’m so glad she embarrassed herself at that movie audition.

More classy Kim, pulling up her dress at the boob area. Yank it up, Kim. At this point, she’d look more classy if her boob popped out of her dress.

Cynthia looked very pretty makeup-wise…but that fucking puffy dress. Ugh.

The person who announced the “new couple” said “Mr. and Mr. Peter Thomas” TWICE.  Kim’s already betting they won’t be together within a year. What a doomed, awful day.

Dwight and Nene’s conversation and dancing was very awkward.  Everyone dancing was awkward.

Most awkward. Wedding. Ever.

Now drumroll for the fourth and most surprising thing about the finale = Sheree got the part in that movie.

Huh?

All in all, this was a really shitty finale.  At least New York is coming up – Krazy Kelly Kiloren-Bensimon is sure to provide us with lots of which I can poke fun. Yay!

Jersey Shore (from 1/27)

We pick up where we left off with JWoww at her house discovering what her ex Tom has stolen. JWoww is actually crying and despite what I would have guessed it looks like tears and not in fact tanning oil or tequila dripping from her eyes.





Snooki’s friend Ryder comes to the house wearing what I can only assume are denim underwear. They are way too small and tight to be actual shorts. Maybe Huggies makes them.










It’s T-shirt time! Except for JWoww who is wearing an ostrich. The gang heads to Karma and Ronnie is dancing like a little wooden puppet. Sammi’s crazy ass sees him talking to a girl so she makes a beeline to him to pull him away.

Ronnie explains that it is “Mike’s girlfriend” and that he will ask her to come over and show Sammi her “C-section scars”.  I guess if she had a vaginal birth, then Sammi would have something to worry about.




Vinny picks the one girl in the bar whose entire family is also there. The uncle assures Vinny that he’s not going to get laid but Vinny loves cuddling so he still asks the girl, Gina, to come back to the house of crabs.



Sammi is officially the most annoying girlfriend on the planet. Wait, it isn’t just now that it is official – she’s been the worst girlfriend since the day her and RonJuice got together. I just haven’t been blogging this whole time.




Sammi threatens to go home and Ronnie tells her to pack her shit and get out. I wonder if that is her giant stuffed banana on the bed. That is the most interesting thing in their room.

Everyone is eating pizza and I hear Vinny make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reference! Woot! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Volume 1


Ron is tearing apart the bedroom, throwing Sammi’s things all over the place and then giggling in bed. For some reason even though she just threatened to leave, she has brought a piece of pizza up to their room and offers it to Ron as he lay amongst the mess.

He’s upset that she brought him pizza instead of a protein shake.

Pauly comes up to check out the damage and his eyes just about bug out of his head as if he has just seen bits of Sammi strewn about the room instead of her things, a stuffed banana and what looks like a stuffed dollar. Oh remember those times as a kid falling asleep clutching the plush five dollar bill?

One of the poor unsuspecting girls that the boys have brought home from the club has been labeled a grenade. Wait. That’s not right. One of the skanky girls that want to be on TV and maybe catch an STD has been labeled a grenade. There is now a “horn” for such an occasion and Vinny runs to sound the alarm.

The Situation is inside the house giving his hookup a pair of pants to wear while the apparent grenade tags along. She wonders why he didn’t get HER any pants. I guess you can only borrow pants from the guy you are supposed to hook up with, which in this case is Pauly D. During this explanation, the Grenade Horn is being blown and The Situation stops to listen as if there is an air raid alarm sounding.

Vinny’s potential hookup Gina’s family shows up to escort her home. Strike out.

Pauly D has successfully dodged the grenade and she leaves.

Ronnie is crying on the couch from his fight with Sam and JWoww and her ostrich are comforting him. She just said “flip the script.” I thought only rappers said that.

The Situation has created a situation. He’s up in his room where Sammi is all packed and trying to sleep. He asks her for condoms while wearing some ugly pants with suspicious looking neon green undies poking out.

Sam says to “Ask Ronald” but The Situation lets her know that Ronald is talking to JWoww. This gets Sammi out from under the leopard print covers. This reveals that Sam is still in her tank top, belt, skirt and necklace from clubbing. Don’t they wear PJs at the Jersey Shore?

Sam heads out to the balcony to check to see what Ron is doing outside. She’s screaming “Are you friends with her?” over and over interrupting Ryder’s birthday cake celebration.  (I do think that Ryder is passed out anyway so it doesn’t really matter).

When Ron finally answers “yes”, he’s friends with JWoww, Sam punches him right in the jaw. Ouch.
I was excited that Sam was going home but Ronnie has taken her back.

The gang has stayed up all night and Mike looks like he has an out of control 1970’s pubic bush in the center of his head. What did his hair look like before tonight? I don’t remember this bush.

Despite all of the nastiness that is The Jersey Shore cast – I TOTALLY want to go there for Sunday dinner.

The boys go to get their hair cut and The Situation gets his eyebrows waxed. The barber tells them that Deena’s new man (Ronnie Version 2) announced that Deena wanted to give him a blow job but he didn’t want it? And then something about it being “cleaned out in the jacuzzi”? I don’t really know what any of this means but I’m grossed out nonetheless.

Of course, The Situation tells Deena first thing when he sees her at the gym.

NOW the story is coming together. Ronnie Version 2 said that he wanted Deena to give him a blow job but she said that she wanted to lick his bum hole instead. I guess that is what was cleaned out in the jacuzzi.  I’m scared that someone has referenced “the jacuzzi at the Jersey Shore house” and the word “clean” in the same sentence. I’m also scared that someone thinks sitting in a jacuzzi constitutes the cleaning of the bum hole.

It’s T-shirt time! Except for Deena who is wearing an ice skating costume.

Deena sees Ronnie Version 2 at the club and confronts him about saying she likes to toss salads. Of course he denies it but also tells her to never call him again. I guess he didn’t want his salad tossed after all.

JWoww and Sam are making up by going up to the bar together. Suddenly instead of sitting boringly in a corner, Sam and Ron are up dancing. I guess JWoww being in a fight with Sammi prevented her from smiling or interacting with anyone else. But it’s all good now.

Ok…speaking of tossing salads – in the preview for next week, Ron is at a doctor and I think he’s getting poked in the butt. I can’t wait to find out what this is about.

Until then…GTL all day mutha fuckas. In my case that stands for “Gone To Lunch”