Snooki’s friend Ryder comes to the house wearing what I can only assume are denim underwear. They are way too small and tight to be actual shorts. Maybe Huggies makes them.
It’s T-shirt time! Except for JWoww who is wearing an ostrich. The gang heads to Karma and Ronnie is dancing like a little wooden puppet. Sammi’s crazy ass sees him talking to a girl so she makes a beeline to him to pull him away.
Ronnie explains that it is “Mike’s girlfriend” and that he will ask her to come over and show Sammi her “C-section scars”. I guess if she had a vaginal birth, then Sammi would have something to worry about.
Vinny picks the one girl in the bar whose entire family is also there. The uncle assures Vinny that he’s not going to get laid but Vinny loves cuddling so he still asks the girl, Gina, to come back to the house of crabs.
Sammi is officially the most annoying girlfriend on the planet. Wait, it isn’t just now that it is official – she’s been the worst girlfriend since the day her and RonJuice got together. I just haven’t been blogging this whole time.
Sammi threatens to go home and Ronnie tells her to pack her shit and get out. I wonder if that is her giant stuffed banana on the bed. That is the most interesting thing in their room.
Everyone is eating pizza and I hear Vinny make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reference! Woot! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Volume 1
Ron is tearing apart the bedroom, throwing Sammi’s things all over the place and then giggling in bed. For some reason even though she just threatened to leave, she has brought a piece of pizza up to their room and offers it to Ron as he lay amongst the mess.
He’s upset that she brought him pizza instead of a protein shake.
Pauly comes up to check out the damage and his eyes just about bug out of his head as if he has just seen bits of Sammi strewn about the room instead of her things, a stuffed banana and what looks like a stuffed dollar. Oh remember those times as a kid falling asleep clutching the plush five dollar bill?
One of the poor unsuspecting girls that the boys have brought home from the club has been labeled a grenade. Wait. That’s not right. One of the skanky girls that want to be on TV and maybe catch an STD has been labeled a grenade. There is now a “horn” for such an occasion and Vinny runs to sound the alarm.
The Situation is inside the house giving his hookup a pair of pants to wear while the apparent grenade tags along. She wonders why he didn’t get HER any pants. I guess you can only borrow pants from the guy you are supposed to hook up with, which in this case is Pauly D. During this explanation, the Grenade Horn is being blown and The Situation stops to listen as if there is an air raid alarm sounding.
Vinny’s potential hookup Gina’s family shows up to escort her home. Strike out.
Pauly D has successfully dodged the grenade and she leaves.
Ronnie is crying on the couch from his fight with Sam and JWoww and her ostrich are comforting him. She just said “flip the script.” I thought only rappers said that.
The Situation has created a situation. He’s up in his room where Sammi is all packed and trying to sleep. He asks her for condoms while wearing some ugly pants with suspicious looking neon green undies poking out.
Sam says to “Ask Ronald” but The Situation lets her know that Ronald is talking to JWoww. This gets Sammi out from under the leopard print covers. This reveals that Sam is still in her tank top, belt, skirt and necklace from clubbing. Don’t they wear PJs at the Jersey Shore?
Sam heads out to the balcony to check to see what Ron is doing outside. She’s screaming “Are you friends with her?” over and over interrupting Ryder’s birthday cake celebration. (I do think that Ryder is passed out anyway so it doesn’t really matter).
When Ron finally answers “yes”, he’s friends with JWoww, Sam punches him right in the jaw. Ouch.
I was excited that Sam was going home but Ronnie has taken her back.
The gang has stayed up all night and Mike looks like he has an out of control 1970’s pubic bush in the center of his head. What did his hair look like before tonight? I don’t remember this bush.
Despite all of the nastiness that is The Jersey Shore cast – I TOTALLY want to go there for Sunday dinner.
The boys go to get their hair cut and The Situation gets his eyebrows waxed. The barber tells them that Deena’s new man (Ronnie Version 2) announced that Deena wanted to give him a blow job but he didn’t want it? And then something about it being “cleaned out in the jacuzzi”? I don’t really know what any of this means but I’m grossed out nonetheless.
Of course, The Situation tells Deena first thing when he sees her at the gym.
NOW the story is coming together. Ronnie Version 2 said that he wanted Deena to give him a blow job but she said that she wanted to lick his bum hole instead. I guess that is what was cleaned out in the jacuzzi. I’m scared that someone has referenced “the jacuzzi at the Jersey Shore house” and the word “clean” in the same sentence. I’m also scared that someone thinks sitting in a jacuzzi constitutes the cleaning of the bum hole.
It’s T-shirt time! Except for Deena who is wearing an ice skating costume.
Deena sees Ronnie Version 2 at the club and confronts him about saying she likes to toss salads. Of course he denies it but also tells her to never call him again. I guess he didn’t want his salad tossed after all.
JWoww and Sam are making up by going up to the bar together. Suddenly instead of sitting boringly in a corner, Sam and Ron are up dancing. I guess JWoww being in a fight with Sammi prevented her from smiling or interacting with anyone else. But it’s all good now.
Ok…speaking of tossing salads – in the preview for next week, Ron is at a doctor and I think he’s getting poked in the butt. I can’t wait to find out what this is about.
Until then…GTL all day mutha fuckas. In my case that stands for “Gone To Lunch”
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