Lots of flashbacks of the misery between the two of them.
Gretchen is back from Texas. She tells us that her handbag line is successful and reminds us that Slade is broke aka she can probably claim him as a dependent on her taxes.
Slade is still doing his art and he says he's not good enough to sell the art. But he's "good enough" to let Gretchen buy all of these art supplies.
She tells Slade that his child support thing is keeping them from going forward in their relationship. He owes so much back child support because the courts never reduced Slade's child support payments after he lost his job. Gretchen is afraid of what people will think if they have a baby but he still can't pay child support for his son.
Tamra picks her up for the ride of death and they go out to dinner. Well, not dinner...alcohol. Vicki opens up about her issues with Donn and how they avoid each other all the time. They haven't had sex in two years. Why she chose to have this conversation with Tamra (and the cameras) at a restaurant is beyond me. The whole thing is in subtitles because it is so loud there.
You can't tell if Tamra actually has no emotion or if her face is just completely frozen from botox.
Peggy and her boobs are packing for a Vegas weekend for her and Micah for his birthday. She's invited Tamra and Eddie because they've become BFFs (<---Peggy you're too old to use that term) and another couple, Kirsten and Brady.
Jim and Alexis weren't invited because Jim doesn't want to be around them and Alexis is in competition with Peggy constantly. Ah, the wonderful "friends" who try to one-up you or put you down with passive aggressive statements...do we all have one of those?
Peggy and her boobs say that it is hard to buy Micah a birthday present since he buys himself whatever he wants. I'm thinking it is also hard to buy him something when you don't have your own money and you're using HIS money to buy him presents.
Anyway...she got some "boudoir" shots done and had them made into a book for Micah. Gross.
Alexis, while dressed like Michael Jackson, is putting together a luncheon for her friends to preview her Alexis Couture line.
She's meeting with the restaurant guy and an event planner. She says because she won't be modeling the dresses, she wants to have life-sized posters of her wearing them. Nothing says "I love myself" more than life-sized posters.
The restaurant is French and the owner is explaining the types of food he wants to serve at the luncheon. Alexis doesn't know what any of the words mean except foie gras and that is because she tasted that and spit it out during last season. She pronounces it "for gra" and says they cannot serve that even though she knows it is a "delicatessen" in French. Yeah...a delicacy you mean? Delicatessen is a deli.
He wants to serve French food because it is a French restaurant. Alexis is too confused by it all and I'm surprised she didn't just ask him to serve French fries. The event planner suggests a croissant sandwich. Classy en francais!
It is the day of the luncheon. I have to admit, the life-sized poster of Alexis when they walk in looks really good. I mean, not because it is life-sized, but she looks really pretty. However, Alexis' assistant Dylan is wearing what I can only describe as a "rat-tail bowtie". WTF?
(Just in case you aren't familiar with the term...this is a "rat-tail")
Alexis is having models wear her dresses and for some reason she feels the need to teach them how to walk and pose.
The show is starting and Vicki hasn't shown up yet. Alexis gives a speech and ends it with "Move over Cavalli, it's Alexis Couture now!" I think we all have the same reaction that Tamra does:
The first dress is called "A Walk in the Park" because according to Dylan's notes, it is perfect for a walk in the park. We hear Gretchen laugh and say "A walk in the park! That's like SO dressy for a walk in the park!!" I can't tell if she said that really loudly or if we're just hearing it because she has a microphone on for the show.
Alexis has provided the guests with a little "menu" naming all of the dresses and she has asked people to give their opinions in the blank spaces next to the dresses because she's able to take constructive criticism well. But when Peggy goes to write her opinion she informs Alexis that the pen isn't really working on the paper because it is that "shiny paper". What a sneaky trick Alexis..."please write down your opinions on this paper which does not allow a pen to break through it's glossy coating!"
She tells Peggy "Honey...you can use memory."
Is it me or are these the same outfit except the shoulder that is showing is different on each model? Oh...one is a "romper" and one is a
The bikini that is being modeled has a coochie necklace. That's all I have to say about that one.
Vicki texts Tamra to tell her that she's in the hospital and will be going in for surgery. Gretchen thinks it is rude that Vicki goes to the hospital at the same time as Alexis' dress party and Lynn doesn't want Tamra to worry about it because it causes wrinkles. She tells Tamra to have fun and says "cheers!" How sweet!
Lynn looks frighteningly bad. Almost like one of those barbie heads that we had as kids to do their hair? Her skin is scary frozen.
Tamra tells the camera that she had a friend who had the same symptoms and died three months later. But she doesn't tell us what these symptoms are and why Vicki is in the hospital having surgery.
Alexis thinks that Tamra is being disrespectful texting and being on the phone. Pot meet kettle. Did she not do this when they went away last season because she missed her husband so much? Or a couple of weeks ago at Peggy's dinner party?
I HATE Tamra and I'm on her side here...Vicki is in the hospital - that is a good reason to be on the phone and texting. Not because you've never been away from your husband for more than the time it takes for him to take a dump.
Alexis wants Tamra to wait to find out what is going on with her friend in the hospital until AFTER the last dress comes through. What a heart of gold! Jesus would be proud.
Tamra finds out that Vicki has some internal bleeding and comes to Alexis' table to tell Peggy (Gretchen is also at this table).
Gretchen: "Do you think that it is ironic at all though? That she did that, or no?"
Tamra: "That she started bleeding out of her ass on the day of Alexis' party?"
Gretchen: "Yeah."
The next time I don't want to attend a party I'm going to make my ass bleed. That's got to be some party trick.
Vicki took a photo of her IV and sent it to Tamra's bedazzled cell phone. Who does that?
Oh no! Next week is the season finale! But woo hoo, it is when Tamra goes crazy and pushes Jeana! I can't wait!!
Hemorrhoid and hemorrhage are two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS! Vicki was hemorrhaging, bleeding internally. If she had hemorrhoids, THEN she would literally be bleeding out of her ass. Oh these stupid blondes.
ReplyDelete