The Real Housewives of NYC: Santa Does Henna (from 6/9)

We begin where we left off - Jill and Ramona's "fight" with both of them crying.  LuMann and Kelly join Jill to discuss what happened.

Cindy pokes in and tells her it isn't worth it.  Not sure why people thought it was worth being her friend before this.

Downstairs Ramona is crying with Alex comforting her. Sonja stands there with a leopard scarf around her neck that drags on the floor - someone could choke her if they stepped on it.  When LuMann comes in she asks Ramona why she's causing trouble and Alex shoos her away to get Ramona some Pino Grigiot.  There must be some in a box under Ramona's bed.

Everyone feels the need to come in and talk to Ramona about the situation. Just mind your own fucking business everyone! Ugh.

Everyone goes out to dinner. A belly dancer is flinging herself around the restaurant.  For some reason Ramona is treating her like a stripper and putting money in the dancer's waistband.  This whole thing is embarrassing.  Now Alex and Ramona get up and dance with one of the belly dancers. Oh my goodness I would leave.

The next day Jill, Alex, Sonja, Cindy and Kelly go somewhere to get some historical tour. Jill asks a million questions. This is boring.


Later on Alex checks in with Ramona to see how she is doing after the fight with Jill. Ramona is "crying" on a chaise lounge outside. Alex promises to be Ramona's wingman tonight.


LuMann, Kelly and Cindy get henna tattoos. Ramona and Sonja are upstairs in their rooms.

Well - because we had some thunderstorms tonight, my Direct TV obviously got a little messed up because suddenly I was on a commercial and now we are back and Kelly is telling Alex that she's being weird.  Alex has the worst timing ever.

It looks like Alex came downstairs to defend Ramona.  She says that Ramona asked her to protect her from LuMann. Holy cripes. If Ramona really said that - Alex isn't supposed to repeat it. What an idiot.

Kelly keeps telling her to stop and to just stay out of it but for some reason Alex thinks that during this Moroccan vacation while the ladies are getting henna done is the perfect time to discuss drama.

Kelly walks away talking to herself calling Alex an idiot and she's stupid.  She says something about Alex's scarf. It's equally as weird as Alex's ranting.  Somehow Kelly's tattoo is ruined and she blames it on Alex.  She comes back in and tells Alex that this is not normal behavior.  (I think there is a mirror over there Kelly...take a look.)  At one point she exclaims to herself "Who's going to fix my tattoo? Santa?"

They go outside and Kelly just shhsshhs Alex over and over again. Alex is shouting and has hives all over her neck and chest.  Kelly actually calms her down and tells her that sometimes it is better to observe and not participate in chaotic situations.  When the fuck did Kelly become the voice of reason??? If she hadn't said Santa would fix her henna tattoo and would just stop saying the word "weird" in every single sentence I would almost consider her borderline somewhat a teeny bit normal.


Sonja tells Ramona that she snuck a peek at the dresses that were made by the designer for them.  Ramona wants to sneak and look at it too. Ramona actually tries hers on over her clothes. She doesn't seem to like it so she tries on another. None of this seems like a good idea.  They run back to their room, Alex joins them and they discuss the events.


Downstairs, Jill, LuMann, Cindy and Kelly are sitting down for dinner.   Apparently Alex and Ramona asked for dinner to be sent to their rooms instead but they told the kitchen this and not the ladies.  LuMann and Kelly again say that Alex was acting weird and dark.  Damn - I can't believe Direct TV cut off Demon Alex.  Can anyone tell me what happened? I will watch "Watch What  Happens Live" after this so maybe Andy will show a clip.

Alex suddenly shows up looking shocked that dinner is happening. LuMann says the kitchen is closed so Alex can just have the salad that is already on the table.  Alex says she wasn't told about the 8:00 dinner but LuMann thinks she did and says that because she has an education, she should know that telling LuMann that she wasn't coming to dinner was the right thing to do.  Oh yes, I learned about that in my Dinner Etiquette in Morocco with Annoying Bitches 101 class.

Apparently LuMann got her Masters Degree at Condescending University.  She says to Alex "You started it, not me." Did I just see her stick her tongue out?  Alex continues to talk on and on and Kelly leads her out of the room telling her that she's saving her.  Kelly has a Bachelor's Degree from CU.

Kim Zolciak should step in and start singing "Tardy for the Party."

Ramona and Sonja burst into the room later (I don't know how much later than 8pm) and Ramona asks what is for dinner.  LuMann says "What dinner?" It's already done and they had their sent to their room. Or they had wine sent to their room - I guess that is the same thing to Ramona and Sonja...dinner=wine.

Ramona said that the wine was a 5:00 snack and everyone keeps calling each other "darling."  For those who didn't graduate from Condescending U, they must be taking evening courses.

Sonja walks away quietly and Ramona seems to wander around trying to find the exit.  LuMann gets up to storm off.   Oh wait, Ramona comes back with plates full of the "snacks" she was talking about.

It seems as though no one knew when dinner was except LuMann, Kelly and Cindy.  Jill had shown up earlier but was gone the whole time finding Diet Coke? She comes in the room at the end and says that she's starving. Where has she been?

Ramona pulls the apology "I'm sorry you feel hurt."  That's not an apology. "I'm sorry I hurt you" is an apology.

Oh - it's 9:30pm. Why didn't someone just call up to their room or go and get them? They waited an hour and a half because maybe some food was sent to their rooms earlier in the day?


The next day is packing day.  Jill and Ramona talk again. It is a much calmer situation. They say they will let bygones by bygones and try to be more sensitive to each other's feelings. We'll see.



Back in NYC Mario and Simon are out playing pool. Some woman joins them and Simon takes a picture of Mario posing with her.  Bad timing there, probably.


Belly dancing. Ramona in a bikini top. Enough said.

It is the night for the ladies to wear their designer dresses. They get their makeup done. They actually all look really great.

LuMann wants to everyone to say their favorite part of the trip and Alex starts going on and on about feelings. For some reason LuMann keeps saying "yahabibi".

The Real Housewives of NYC (from 6/2)

Oh yes, we left off when the psychic told Ramona that there was another woman. Both Kelly and LuMann are translating for Ramona and I can't believe I actually like Kelly right now.  LuMann keeps "shhsshhing" Kelly because she doesn't like that she's translating while LuMann is trying to interpret what the woman is saying.

Ramona is in denial of any kind of other woman. Of course she does because she's so full of herself. But also because this is a psychic.  Who the hell is going to listen to some psychic in Morocco about your life at home in the NYC?

Brad's friend pulls Ramona aside and tells her not to take things personally. Ramona says she knows lots of women hit on Mario, even LuMann the first time she met him.

Over in another conversation Jill says that she's heard from her "crowd" that Mario is cheating on Ramona. And she only brings this up to the ladies after a psychic does? What a bitch!

While farting, Sonja is crying and making it sound like she knows about Mario cheating. She's worried that Ramona is going to be separating from Mario. Do people actually leave their spouses based on what a psychic says??


The next day (?) the ladies are taking a van to go shopping. LuMann needs to run to the bathroom so she tells Sonja to save her seat for her in the front of the van.  When Cindy gets in 30 seconds or so later, Sonja tells her she's saving her seat for her and Cindy is just not having it.  For some reason Kelly forfeits her seat and leaves the van.  Looks like they are traveling separately.

Sonja is worried that her money will be stolen - but she's dressed like a "rich American" according to Jill.  She should be wearing a fanny pack in order to look like someone from whom people won't steal.

Yes...Jill is wearing a fanny pack.

Cindy confronts Sonja about her saving the seat in the van. Sonja is appalled. I used to love Sonja but she's going downhill quickly. Cindy is overreacting a little and I seriously wish I could put some duct tape over everyone's mouth right now except Kelly. I'm SHOCKED at myself for saying that.


Camel toe time. I mean...camel riding time. Sonja is scared to ride because she fell off the horse with Kelly a few weeks ago. But Alex thinks that something else is going on with her. I have no idea what kind of clues she's getting from her refusal to ride a camel. Sonja walks next to them.

LuMann's camel tries to buck her off several times. In the previews they made it seem like she was thrown off but this unfortunately did not happen.  LuMann gets off and one of the guides has to walk with it and it is almost throwing him on the ground.

At the end of the camel ride they all have dinner and drinks in a large tent in the middle of the desert. They are playing a "game" where they tell everyone something that they don't know about each other. Everyone's is pretty boring but somewhat upbeat.  Alex decided to tell them that her father died when she was 11 years old. Sonja tells them about all of her hobbies like taking baths and yoga.

Sonja talks about her fears of traveling to Morocco and everyone just tries to talk over each other. Cindy is finally fed up and she walks out. Of course, then everyone except LuMann and Kelly follow her outside and they all talk over each other out there.  Jill and Ramona start hugging for some reason.

The next day some of the ladies have diarrhea. This is more than I've ever needed to know about the Real Housewives. To make things worse, Sonja says that Ramona has blown up her room. Gross.

Everyone goes to some sort of spa. Kelly informs us that the scrub rub-down happens everywhere on the body. Gross.

I'm so bored with this Morocco trip, especially finding out that LuMann did NOT fall off a camel.

Jill and Ramona decide to have a talk about their fight later on at the resort.  Ramona tells Jill that she's two-faced. Ramona brings up lots of little comments that Jill has said, stupid jokes that Ramona takes too seriously.

They continue to talk over each other. I want to rip the ears off my head but I'm afraid that I would still hear them.

Jill jumps up and starts screaming at Ramona. Ramona doesn't doesn't want to hear anything Jill is saying. Jill tells Ramona that unless she apologizes to her they can never be friends. This still has something to do with the St. John trip and Jill's falling out with Bethenny.

Jill asks where her nice friend Ramona is and tells her that she's changed.  Ramona comes back with the very adult "You've changed...everyone says it."  I think she's going to put her thumbs against her temples and start waving her fingers saying "Neener neener neener!"

They end the conversation and they both cry.

Next week looks a little more interesting...lets hope so.

The Real Housewives of NYC: Stop Saying Hangers (from 5/26)

Kelly, Jill, Cindy and LuMann are on their way to Morocco and LuMann is teaching some Arabic words.  She's so condescending "Darling.....darling....."

The place they are staying is AMAZING and looks so peaceful - too bad three of the most annoying voices in NYC are staying there. LuMann, Jill and Ramona.

Ramona, Sonja and Alex are flying separately and will show up the next day. Ramona is still afraid that she's going to be staying in some kind of hostel and she won't have white sheets and her Pinot Grigio at all times.

At the airport, Alex is pushing some sort of space station full of space age luggage.

On the way to their place, Ramona is freaking out a little because of the dust and you know...the poverty. She and Sonja are being so offensive talking to each other about how they are a bit scared. The van driver should just drop them off...at least Alex has the decency to tell us in interview that she was apalled by them.

Once they arrive, Sonja is scared that someone is going to steal her luggage from the van. While they are inside having snacks and drinks Sonja goes outside to double check on her luggage. She doesn't want her hats stolen.

Ramona needs help unpacking. I think she brought her entire wardrobe including some very inappropriate outfits. Inappropriate for Morocco but also for her age.  She has a shitload of jewelry with her, on stands and everything. I think she plans to sell it to the staff.

She brought some specific shorts for "camel riding". I think she's confused with "camel toe".

While the woman that works there is helping to unpack, Ramona is talking to Sonja and lifting weights. Then they start pretending to belly dance. The woman is behind them working her ass off.

How is it that I like Kelly and LuMann better than Ramona and Sonja right now?

Cindy comes inside to her room and thinks that someone stole her hangers. Ramona "requested" 40 hangers...FORTY HANGERS??? You need 40 fucking hangers for a vacation?

Anyway, Cindy is pissed because she's assuming Ramona took them. LuMann gathers up like 15 of them to bring them to Ramona just in case.

Ramona and Sonja head out for a ride in the van to relax instead of joining the ladies for lunch. Good thing because LuMann, Kelly, Cindy and Jill need to gossip about them. Kelly says that Sonja lives in an awful place that is messy. LuMann is actually defending Sonja.

A bit later, the four of them head out shopping and Jill runs into her friend Brad and some woman that she knows. Who runs into friends in Morocco? It is Brad's birthday and they are having a party for him. How convenient! Also convenient - Brad hates Ramona.

Back at the resort, LuMann tries to invite Ramona and Sonja downstairs to let them in on the plan to go to Brad's party but they are busy acting drunk and trying on clothes with no underwear. Sonja says she didn't even pack any.

They eventually come downstairs and LuMann has a surprise for them. The most famous designer in Morocco is there. He designs kaftans, gowns, etc.  Ramona announces that she needs something sexy because she doesn't like the "kaftan look"...as she insults most of the women in the room and in Morocco.

She's paranoid that the designer didn't write her name down on the photo of the dress she wants so she stalks him and makes sure even though he only speaks French.

Once he starts measuring Ramona she makes sure to tell him that she wants to show cleavage.  You know who I feel bad for? Avery...her daughter.

When someone decides that a log needs to be put in the fire, Ramona suggests that the designer do it. Then she and Sonja say "We need one of those ding-dings"...um...a bell? Imagine if you worked at this place and Ramona and Sonja had a BELL to call for you when they needed you to do something?

DING DING DING "I need an extra pillow!"
DING DING DING "Pinio Grigio, NOW!"
DING DING DING "I just pooped, can you wipe my butt? I'm not used to having to do all of these things myself."

Party time. Brad supposedly hates Sonja but he gives her a kiss on the cheek and tells her how great she looks.

LuMann points out the buffet but she says it like Phoebe Buffet (Boo-fay).

Ramona is texting on her pink phone waiting for her Pinot. I'm surprised she didn't bring her own box full of Ramona kind to try sell to everyone and then drink it all.

A guy is about to make out with a rattlesnake.

Afterwards when it is slithering on the floor it has a big line of drool coming out of its mouth. Sonja wonders if it is venom or semen. How are these women going to last this whole vacation with Ramona and Sonja?

The ladies all sit with a psychic and she tells them that Ramona's husband has "another woman.

Apparently all of the good stuff we saw in the commercials happen in the next few episodes because tonight was pretty uneventful. But it sounds like this episode set the scene for Ramona/Sonja hijinks.

The Real Housewives of NYC (from 5/19)

LuMann and Sonja are out to lunch. Does LuMann ever grow her hair out or change it in any way? It seems like it looks exactly the same all the time.

They are discussing taking a trip with all the girls to Morocco. Everyone seems in except for Kelly. If you remember correctly she went a little crazy on her last trip with the ladies.

Another day, LuMann and Ramona are walking down the street and LuMann says that she likes that Ramona has her high heels on because at least she's as tall as she is. And then Ramona said she likes being at her level.

Am I missing something?


They sit down for tea and LuMann gets right to it. She thought Ramon's party was nice and the wine was good but it was too bad that Ramona had to cheapen it by having it out with Jill in front of her guests.  She tells Ramona that she needs to be careful with what she says because she hurts people's feelings.

Ramona's response is one that I hate "At least I say it to people's faces and not behind their back."  THIS DOESN'T MAKE IT OK TO BE A FUCKING BITCH!  People use that excuse all the time "At least I'm honest." I'd rather you shut your mouth or lie than be honest if you're going to be an asshole. Being honest isn't an OK to hate on people.

Side note: LuMann is wearing some kind of Christmas decoration as a necklace.

Of course nothing is Ramona's fault and she has done nothing wrong. I hate Ramona more now than I ever have.



Sonja is having a photo shoot for her toaster oven cookbook that Kelly says hasn't even been written yet.  She's on top of the dining room table in a gown with no underwear on and Kelly gets to see her vagina.



Cindy, Jill, Kelly and LuMann are going on a little trip to Canyon Ranch.  Kelly tells them about Sonja flashing her vagina and she mentions that she's never seen another vagina except her own. What? Not even in a movie or anything? I've seen so many because I watched every birth I could possibly find on Youtube while I was pregnant.

When talking about relationships and how Kelly can't find a good man, she mentions that she's been slapped in the face by a man before. That's basically all that happens but the commercials made it sound like Kelly was going to reveal this big deep, dark secret. Not saying that it isn't a horrible thing to be slapped in the face, but the commercials were much more dramatic about it. We didn't even hear the story about it.

It takes 6 hours to get to the ranch. Cindy (who set up the trip) has gifts for the ladies, embroidered robes.  LuMann says in interview "Of course Jill opens it up in the lobby as if nobody else is staying in the hotel...really darling, never open a gift in the middle of a hotel lobby." But isn't this LuMann's hand, holding her own robe?

This place is a spa and the girls do some kind of drumming class. They go around the room and say something about themselves that no one knows. 

LuMann: "I like to wear large jewelry when I'm drumming."  <---or eating. or walking. or talking. or breathing.

Kelly: "I have an obsession with smells."  Now that I think about it, it does seem like she's always scrunching her nose up smelling something bad.

Jill: something about her hair not being naturally red.

Cindy: "I'm not as tough as I appear."  This was the best answer yet because it was deeper than the other three.  However, Jill thinks she should have told everyone that she has fake teeth.

At dinner menopause comes up and Cindy asked if they've seen "The Vagina Monocles". Obviously, we know it is the Vagina Monologues.  LuMann makes fun of her for saying it and puts here fingers around her eyes to imitate glasses. Yeah...countess? "Mono" means one.

This is a monocle.

Kelly tells them that she's not going to Morocco because she's too sensitive and can't be around Ramona. Why is everyone so afraid of her?



Ramona, Sonja and Alex go to Ramona's plastic surgeon for a consult. I think Alex and Sonja thought they were just going to support Ramona but Ramona thinks that they could use a few touch-ups.

Alex is in a chair and the woman is taking off all of her makeup. She's pissed because normally clients come in without any makeup on.  Alex says she goes through a bottle a week.  Nice. You can probably push your finger into her cheek and it will go through a few layers of foundation.

Alex has a gross, bleeding zit now and the woman is scraping her face. Ew.  We know why she has a zit - she wears pounds of makeup and says that she sometimes goes to sleep with makeup on. Gross.

It's another day and Jill is putting together a charity event about bullying.  She tells Alex that she invited Ramona...is she going to be the poster child of who not to be as far as being a bully?

LuMann shows up and gives Ramona attitude...something stupid about fashion. Ramona says how she always wears David Meister (designer I guess) and LuMann points out that SHE knew who he was before Ramona.  Apparently Ramona doesn't like it when her friends wear the same designer she wears and LuMann says that its "bitchy".  Money can't buy you class, LuMann.

She then tells Ramona that none of the girls want to go to Morocco because Ramona is coming.  She wants the trip to be positive. Alex points out that the only person that is being negative right now is her (LuMann).  This is where Alex's "Thug in a Cocktail Dress" comment comes in.

Of course, Ramona brought a box of her own wine bottles. She was supposed to donate it to the auction but she pops open the box and pours herself.  She's the only one drinking because apparently it is quite earlier in the day. She's yap, yap, yapping away.

Kelly decides that she IS going to go to Morocco.

Jill has a stepdaughter who has a facial birthmark. She's speaking to the charity attendees. While she's talking Ramona is basically selling her wine.

Jill's stepdaughter made short and sad speech about how she was bullied as a child. When it is done, people stand and clap, some hug her. We see Ramona out in the hallway with a bottle of wine. She's gone to the other room so she can bring her wine bottles to the table.   She then asks the designer's daughter to clean up some empty glasses from the table.

Ohhhhh shit...the next three weeks they are in Morocco and it looks like everyone is fighting! Also, Sonja needs a tampon and Ramona thinks she's asking for high heels.  I can't wait, especially after this snooze-fest episode.

The Real Housewives of NYC (from 5/12)

The STAR Ramona is up first tonight.  She's doing a photo shoot so she can put photos of herself on her product a la Alexis from Real Housewives of OC. She's stiff and bug-eyed but did we expect anything else?

This was actually one of the shots taken:

Jill is visiting Cindy. Cindy has a ton of nannies, assistants, etc. One of the twins starts crying and woooppp hand her to a nanny.

Cindy says how it is crazy and she can't sleep because she hears the babies cry in the night...and the nannies wake up with them. Cindy gets to lay in her bed, I guess.

They gossip about Ramona.  Apparently Cindy is the only one who will "stand up" to Ramona. Everyone else accepts her for who she is but Cindy is all set.  What's wrong with everyone? Tell her to shut the fuck up? Oh wait...she's a star!!!!!!!  The thing that pisses me off is that you KNOW Cindy will be inviting her to some event again. Pussies!!

Another day Kevin is the twins father and he is visiting. I didn't realize that he was the father until Cindy said it because I immediately thought he was gay. I don't have a good gaydar.



Sonja is throwing a masquerade party so she has a "costumist" over to help her out.  He doesn't seem very excited about Sonja's choices and this awful wig she has.

LuMann is out looking for a costume and Jill comes by to join her. The woman that works there says that period costumes are very glamorous and sexy and Jill chimes in "That's me!"  Since when? She says that the last time she was there she needed to wear a bra but now she doesn't because she's gotten a breast reduction.

LuMann and Jill might be the two most annoying people in NYC at the moment.



Sonja has friends' kids staying with her and helping her out because she's struggling a little bit with money since her divorce.  Why is she throwing this lavish party? She doesn't know the meaning of struggling with money, I think.

The costumist guy fixed up the awful wig and her costume.  While Sonja is in the limo on the way to the party, LuMann calls to tell her she can't make it becuase she's sick. Way to wait until the last minute Countess.  Money can't buy you class.

Alex and Simon are there dressed up. Ramona walks in and I swear she can't see through her mask because she's bumping into things and Mario is holding her arm. Jill comes with "three male escorts". (Her husband and two other people). Kelly has bedazzled her face and Cindy looks like Barbarella.

Jill was expecting a giant lavish party of 200 people and is quite snobby when she realizes that there are like 15 people in what almost looks like a church basement.  Jill, Miss Passive Agressive says to Sonja how honered she was to be invited when she only invited 30 people.

Ummm...this is Sonja's ass. She's bending over everywhere and suddenly realizes "Whoops, I forgot half of my costume!" I mean, no one in the limo told her that they could see her vag?

Jill goes with Cindy to a cosmetic dentist. Jill thinks that Cindy should get something done to bring attention away from her teeth since she has so many. Don't we all have the same amount of teeth?? Well, unless you lost one in a fight, a hockey game or you're a redneck.

Cindy is so lucky to have Jill with her because Jill and her family are like doctors...without the degree or license.  Run...run away fast Cindy.


Ramona is standing around a bunch of her Pinot Grigio bottles. Her friend that got married in one of the earlier episodes arrives. She tells Ramona that during her wedding reception, someone told her that Jill wanted to congratulate her so she (the bride) went to see her.  Immediately Jill grills her and asked "What are Alex and Simon doing here?!"  She also asked why she's friends with Ramona.  Way to make the day about the bride and groom, bitch!

Someone needs to take Jill on a long car ride into the countryside and just let her out.

LuMann is grilling Ramona about how the wine is made because now that LuMann is going out with Jacques she's automatically a wine conossieuor.  LuMann also says "Pinot Greegio"...using the "g" sound instead of the "j" sound.

Ramona, Miss Ill-Timed-Confrontation-Woman pulls Jill aside to confront her about what the bride (Jennifer) told her just a little while ago. Of course, Jill blames it on someone else who is not part of the show and they beep out the name.

Jill wants Jennifer to join in the conversation because she claims none of it is true.  They start yelling at each other. Jill is angry that Ramona attacked her and Ramona says that she didn't attack her and that she was just trying to have a conversation with her.  Yeah...that's it.

Jill runs outside and talks to Jennifer about it. She still doesn't want to admit that she did anything wrong but goes back inside to tell Ramona that she worked it out.  Ramona is not having it. "If you have a problem with me you tell me to my face!" so Jill invites her to lunch.

Is that the rich people term for "You wanna step outside?"

Ramona looks like a loon and she and Jill just start saying "You need to...." "You need to...." and then Ramona walks away.

Ramona is inside hysterically talking to Jennifer, the Bride. Ramona REALLY needs to get her bangs trimmed.

I also think Ramona should quit drinking and maybe pop some sedatives.

Jill is in a car outside crying to LuMann. LuMann doesn't make it any better and says that Ramona's never been her friend.  Jill hands her the little koala she bought at the airport that she meant to give to Ramona and tells LuMann to give it to her. That will show her who's boss...a tacky gift. BURN!



The Real Housewives of NYC from 5/5: Stop Saying Pinot Grigio

Ding dong, Jill is back from Australia. Oh how I have not missed her.

She’s joining Sonja, Kelly and LuMann for lunch to catch up. Jill hands the ladies a gift she bought them in Australia. Or maybe at the airport. Or in a junk store on the way to lunch. They are stupid little koala clips and she thinks they are going to put them on their purse.

She says she’s had a lot of time to think and that she’s done with the gossiping. Sure. And I’m done making fun of reality TV. She didn’t last 5 minutes of no gossip, they are already talking about Cindy/Ramona and Kelly/Ramona/drunk text.


Over in Brooklyn, Alex and Simon come home with their two sons and there is piano music coming from inside the apartment. I guess it is one of the boys’ birthday and Alex and Simon have surprised the boys with a strange man playing the piano in the house. Francois even says “Who is that guy?”

Weird.

Ok well apparently the piano is the gift, the guy playing it was just an extra surprise to scare the boys because some strange man was in their apartment. Francois couldn’t care less about this piano but Alex thinks he’s going to be a great pianist.

Kelly asks Sonja to come with her to confront Ramona at a restaurant. Ramona shows up wearing a pleated leather skirt. No one should ever wear that. Ever.

Kelly mentions for the 800th time that she has tons of acquaintances and she’s not interested in anymore acquaintances. She doesn’t want to fight with Ramona anymore.

BORING.



Sonja’s place. She has Cindy over and Cindy is wearing a white long sleeved shirt, brown shorts, gray thigh high socks and black knee high boots. WTF?

Apparently Sonja’s “butler” is a Latin dancer so Cindy starts dancing with her and Sonja seems mortified.

Sonja is confronting Cindy about her telling Kelly about her evil plan about getting Ramona and Kelly in the same place. Cindy denies that she ever mentioned to Kelly that Ramona was invited to the cooking party. Bravo is the best when they throw in the clip to prove that she is in fact lying. She DID tell Kelly that Ramona was going to the cooking party.

Sonja then tells Cindy that Ramona mentioned to her that she got all the way to her party in Quogue and she didn’t have Pinot Grigio for her. Holy shit Ramona…self absorbed much?? But for some reason Sonja is trying to convince Cindy that Ramona is a “star”. I’m so confused. Ramona's a star? In what universe?  There is some sort of pecking order in the group of friends and Ramona is on top.


Ramona has apparently turned her jewelry business into like a Tuppware/Pampered Chef/Mary Kay type thing. She’s having a party at her house to show some new jewelry.

LuMann tells the camera that Ramona’s jewelry is very nice, it’s just not for her. As she’s wearing a GIGANTIC gold butterfly around her neck. At least it isn’t a moccasin or a teepee on a chain but damn…can you really make fun of someone’s jewelry when you’re wearing something like that?

Now Ramona is talking to LuMann about Cindy not having Pinot Grigio at her party for her.



Kelly and Cindy are taking a walk and they run into Jill walking her dog. Strike two Jill…gossiping again. But I’m bored. Please let something happen.



Oh, it’s the Toaster Oven Party. And Sonja’s toaster oven is from 1984. She claims to have cooked for royalty out of this toaster oven. I guess they like Stouffer’s French bread pizza?

It involves tinfoil. LuMann is shitting her pants. She’s not used to this kind of ghetto service.

And this isn’t a party – it is Sonja, Kelly and LuMann. What a disappointment.


Jill wants to make amends with Alex so she goes to her place in Brooklyn. Alex is wearing a shitload of makeup. She must’ve applied it herself though because she doesn’t say “I just came from a shoot.”

Alex brings up Bethenny and says that she was starting to see Jill treat her like she did Bethenny. She tried to ruin Simon’s business by saying he drank too much. Alex says that Jill called her kids animals. Jill denies it. No flashback by Bravo. Boo.


Cindy and Ramona are meeting for lunch – all these women do is eat, drink and gossip. Ramona’s wearing sunglasses inside like she’s going incognito or something. Oh wait, she's a "star".

Ramona orders….drumroll….Pinot Grigio. Cindy orders a martini – she needs vodka to deal with Ramona.

Holy shit they are actually talking about Cindy’s party and how she didn’t have Pinot there for her. She was disappointed in Cindy’s party because she had time with her husband, away from her daughter and she wanted to do adult things – not attend a “kiddy” party like Cindy’s was. I guess if there is no Pinot, it’s a child’s party. Ramona is so full of herself this season.


What a boring fucking episode!!

The Real Housewives of NYC: Stop Saying Quogue (from 4/28)

Cindy meets up with Sonja and tells her that because she got a little tipsy off of a martini the other night, she got home and ate pistachios and chipped her two front teeth.

She should not be making this face out on the street like this.  She's also carrying around pieces of veneers in a little mini hat box. They go inside a store and they use fixident to try to glue some temporary veneers.

They try on dresses and Sonja thinks the whole time that they are going to lunch but Cindy won't go out to eat without her teeth intact. Sonja came all the way downtown to go out to lunch and she's pissed when Cindy tells her they aren't going. I don't blame her. But I also love Sonja.

Sonja is having a cooking party and wants to invite both Kelly and Ramona even though they aren't getting along right now. Cindy isn't invited and she calls it a "Toaster Oven Party". Are they cooking English Muffin pizzas?



LuMann and her daughter talk about how they live in The Hamptons but LuMann goes into the city a lot to shop, see her friends and "work on her music".  (Did anyone else totally picture Ross in college playing the keyboard?)

Jacques comes by and does something strange with his dog.

Kelly says "The Hamptons in the fall are so unbelievable." I thought it was a faux pas to say The Hamptons as if it is plural? She should have said "The Hamptons in the fall is so unbelievable." But...I don't know where I heard that so I could be wrong.

Kelly has Sonja over to ride horses. Kelly is nervous to ride with Sonja because these horses are top of the line and they aren't at a dude ranch. So is she worried that Sonja will break the expensive horse?

She keeps telling Sonja to keep shorter reigns but Sonja just doesn't care and just does what she wants and down...she...goes.

Damn, in the previews I had thought that Kelly fell.

Sonja and Kelly sit down to talk about Ramona. She then mentions the party she's having to teach Kelly how to use a toaster oven. Why doesn't Kelly know how to use a toaster oven? Sonja does not tell Kelly that Ramona is invited as well.


It is Columbus Day Weekend so LuMann is having the ladies over for cocktails. Cindy talks about her party in Quogue and Sonja keeps saying that she won't go there. LuMann chimes in (in interview) that Quogue is sort of "low-rent" but you don't point that out to someone who lives there or is having a party there.

Yes, this looks very low rent:

Suddenly LuMann is all Native American and people even bring her Native American gifts.

I don't understand most of what is going on here because they all seem to be talking at once and Sonja interrupts everyone.

Alex shows up and she's wearing a fur vest. Alex is wearing a fur vest. Her hair is normal so she didn't come from a "shoot".

Ramona's wearing some kind of fur too.

She brings up a question for LuMann about how she lives out in the Hamptons and her kids are there, but during the week she lives in the city. LuMann corrects her and says she only stays in the city a couple of days. Ramona says "So you're kind of more like a weekend mom now." Ramona is so inappropriate.

Alex doesn't take off her vest so I'm wondering if it is a coat/vest or like a shirt/vest. Either way it is hideous.

Cindy decides to tell Kelly that she shouldn't bring her kids to Sonja's toaster oven party because Ramona is going there. She hopes Kelly won't say anything to Sonja that she told her. HA!

There is some sort of big dog walk where all the ladies come with their dogs. Ramona's wearing a velour track suit and LuMann has what look like moccasins on. I told you.

Ramona is talking in all questions? About the situation? With the cigar? And the dead guy? And Cindy's brother?

When Sonja and Kelly make it to the beach with their dogs, Kelly tells Sonja exactly what Cindy told her. Way to keep a secret Kell! She basically tells Sonja that she won't go because she doesn't want to be in a combative situation. How is it that broad-shouldered-Kelly is making sense this season? Has she lost her crazy?

Nope! Still crazy!


Here we are, finally in the famous Quogue at Quogue Farm for Cindy's party. Stop saying Quogue.

Cindy rides on a horse and basically whines the whole time. Why did she have a party at a horse farm?

Ramona gets there and immediately asks where her Pino Grigiot is...they MUST have it anywhere she goes because that is the only thing she'll drink. Everyone cater to Ramona, please!

LuMann shows up with another Native American-type necklace.  This is getting weird.

Ramona gets to ride a horse but she has to be pulled around like it is a pony ride so she wants to go back because she's bored. I kind of don't blame her, they are treating her like a child on a pony.

People also to get to ride on four wheelers. This seems like the best non-stuffy party they've had on this show.

LuMann, Kelly, Cindy and Ramona are sitting at a table. Kelly and Cindy talk about some luncheon she's having at Kelly's the next day and Ramona is all offended that they are talking about it in front of her. She thinks it is impolite and rude.

So her reaction is "Thanks for not inviting me, I invite you to everything!" Way to make things comfortable.

Ramona wants to talk to Cindy's brother to clear the air about the cigar thing. He keeps telling her that this is not the time, he's with his father, this is Cindy's birthday party, it is not the time. Of course Ramona is not going away, she's like a mosquito.

Cindy comes over and yells "Not at my birthday. Absolutely not!" and she is shooing Ramona away. Ramona and Cindy walk to the side to talk about it. She convinces Ramona to drop it and then they take away the vegetable dip from the table. I'm pissed about that. I love the veggie dip. I don't double dip - do people in Quogue double dip? I'm classy!