Jersey Shore (from 2/10) aka Worst Relationship on TV: The Ron & Sam Saga

Last week, Sammi and Ron broke up again. Hopefully it lasts this time because she is the MOST ANNOYING GIRLFRIEND EVER.

I don’t know why The Situation doesn’t sleep on the couch. Damn, I’d sleep in the STD laden jacuzzi before being in the same room as those two for more than a minute.  He’s talking to Sam about Ron not realizing that Ron is in the next room washing what looks like a condom in the sink. 

I love Pauly D. but his hair is starting to look like Kid from Kid N Play.

(from allstarpics.net)

While I was looking for pictures of Kid, I saw this tee and I wish I had it.

(from 80stees.com)

To take his mind off Sammi, Pauly D and Ron go on some rides. Sammi and Deena go and have some shots on the boardwalk. While sitting at the bar, they see the two boys walk by (I’m sure there was a crowd following them with the cameras) and Psycho Sammi says “I think he was with a girl!” PUKE. 

So, she starts chatting it up with the first penis she sees. She even talks to a shirtless man who is wearing his backpack.

Back at the house, Sam wants to talk to Ron again. STOP SAYING YOU NEED TO TALK. Can’t it just be over? Can I sue MTV for annoying the shit out of me? Better yet, can I sue Sammi for pain and suffering? Well, I’m putting myself through this but people sue for all kinds of things nowadays.

Ron is confronting The Situation about talking about him earlier that day.  Ron says it is none of Mike’s business what goes on with him and Sam yet Ron and Sam argue in front of all of them constantly.

I don’t really know what this conversation is about, Ron keeps saying “girl code” and “guy code” while the rest of the roommates sit around and stare at them. See, this is why saying it isn’t someone’s business is out of the question.

JWoww and her new ugly boyfriend Roger are going on a date to a Mexican restaurant.  On their way out, Snooki reminds them not to eat the beans so they don’t fart it up in the “smoosh room” aka “The Bed of Crabs”. I love that Snooki talks about poop almost as much as I do.

At the Spicy Cantina restaurant, people keep coming up to Roger acting like they haven’t seen him in a while. Who else thinks he told his friends “I’ll be with the MTV camera crew tonight so come on down and wear your best wife beater.”?

Oh no, back at the house you know who are having ANOTHER conversation. Ron says “Be a woman and man up…”. He’s so smart.

Deena, Snooki and Sam are chillin’ at the picnic table on the porch and I swear I thought they were using a pie as an ashtray. I think I can smell them through the TV.

Sammi acts like she’s 14 years old and says she wants to find a hot guy to hook up with that night, literally 5 minutes after her “final” break up conversation with Ron. Holy insecure codependent mess!?!? Geez, the herpes aren’t even cold yet and she’s already moving onto another STD.

Ron claims that “Single Ronnie’s coming back to play”. Oh yeah, we can see him dancing like a little wooden puppet again!! I can’t wait.

I just realized what the Windex on the floor from last week is from. Pauly D. is spraying and cleaning his sneakers with it! They shine like the top of the Chrysler Building! He says he can’t even concentrate with all the fighting! “They’re talking about relationships…my sneakers are dirty!” He should really use sneaker cleaner but I suppose Windex does the trick.

Have I said how much I love Pauly D.?

Now Ron is taking Sam’s stuff from the closet and throwing it out on the porch. The Situation is trying to dissolve the situation but no one is paying any attention. He calls for backup so the boys come up. Ron is seriously picking up Sam’s bed while she’s on it! This is definitely their biggest fight yet. Yesssss!!

No matter how annoying I find Sammi, I’m actually kind of scared of Ron and his ‘roid rage right now. He’s telling Sam that she never cooked for him. One of the many reasons he cheated on her in Miami, I suppose. Those skanks probably probably promised him lasagna every Sunday and maybe even offered to toss a salad. Eww…sorry. I couldn’t help it.

He’s back in the bedroom throwing all of Sam’s stuff onto the porch, including her bed. Psycho!!!!

Deena and Snooki are both shorter than 5 feet tall and while wearing heels. they are trying unsuccessfully to move Sam’s bed downstairs. Snooki compares it to Vinny’s penis not fitting into her “pinhole”.

Everyone is headed out to get drunk. Because alcohol is going to make everything much less volatile. Of course, the girls go to the same club as the boys and Sam immediately stands on the stage and says “HOT GUYS COME HERE!” Her bra is hanging out already and she’s rubbing her butt up on some guy. He’s not even cute.

The Situation takes Ron back to the house and he throws the rest of Sam’s things outside onto the porch, steps on things, breaks them…all the mature things you do after a breakup.  I’m just waiting for him to set her hair on fire when she gets back from the bar.

Oh man, they’re talking again. Blah, blah, **beep**, blah, **beeping beep**, blah. **Beep**. Fuck. *Beep*.

JWoww and Roger are back at the house and she dresses in her leather hooker outfit from the sex shop and you can practically hear Roger getting a boner.

Yup, that’s right, I said boner. RIP, Boner…RIP.

(from parcbench.com)

The next day Deena and Snooks head to the boardwalk. A guy delivers two shots on a cafeteria tray and when he walks away to get his own shot, the girls notice he’s wearing tight neon green bathing suit shorts. He claims they are retro.  When do the 80’s officially become “retro”? Are we there already?

Snooki tells him that she can see his wiener through the shorts. Deena calls it a “camel toe”.

Sam decides that she needs to go home. This is the smartest thing she’s done on this show. There’s no way it could be her idea.

She tells Vinny that she’s leaving and asks him not to tell anyone because she wants to tell them. When Ron asks what they were talking about upstairs, Vinny says “It has to do with packing and something that rhymes with weaving.” Slick.

I wonder if anyone cried while watching Ron and Sam hug, cry and say goodbye? If you did please tell me where you live so I can smack you.

She’s really leaving! Ding dong the crazy’s gone!! I’m actually surprised at how much Ronnie is crying about this. Do ‘roids make you sad, too?

This entire episode was about Sam & Ron.  Final thought in honor of Sammi’s departure: she must get a lot of yeast infections from those airtight shorts she wears. I wonder if Monistat 7 has reached out to her to be their spokesperson?

Until next week boys and girls, let your junk breathe whether it is internal or external.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Lost Footage

I wasn’t even going to recap this episode because it is just “lost footage” so I didn’t think I’d have much to say.

Then Camille made the comment about how even though they are rich, they still have problems like everyone else…money problems. “Yes they’re different, they’re just on a larger scale.”

I want to punch this woman in the face! A LARGER SCALE problem would be people who can’t afford to pay for electricity, heat, food or their rent/mortgage. The LARGE SCALE problem would be people being homeless due to their money issues.

Yes, Camille, you might have a problem picking out the color for your LARGE house or deciding which airline to take to Hawaii. Just because the house and the plane are big, it doesn’t make them LARGE SCALE problems.

The rich ladies have “cut corners” by not taking private jets when they travel.

Camille is just “so generous”!!

I was going to say she needs to have a piece of humble pie but that’s just not severe enough. There should be a humble stick.

Now we move onto a collective group of clips to showcase Kim’s…tweaky nature, for lack of a better term. We have a scene where Kim heads to the same psychic that Kyle sees.

We find out that Kim was dating a man named John. She was on the phone with him and he was murdered while on the phone. So the medium told Kim that he’s trying to call her from the beyond so she needs to give him her phone number. The dead guy. Her phone number. So he can call her.

Moving on….

The conversation at the reunion turns to plastic surgery. Of course they’ve all had some.  In a clip it is revealed by Taylor that she LIKES for her forehead NOT to move. Basically she’s saying she wants to look plastic and fake. I don’t get these women.

Jiggy is Lisa Vanderpump’s tiny dog who has alopecia and wears clothes. He is so cute and he goes everywhere with Lisa.

(from newsodrome.com)

The poor thing only has fur on his head, front legs and back legs. His body is bare like a Siamese cat. The breeder sends an email to Lisa and tells her that Jiggy needs to be put down. WHAT? Because he is losing fur and itches?  I almost cried.

Of course, they call the vet to talk to him about it. There is actually an animal hospital for “small animals” in Beverly Hills. I guess there are a lot of people carrying around little puppies.  They are going to use a different medication so hopefully Jiggy’s itching will stop. Poor little Gigolo.

Adrienne and Paul seem to be the most normal couple to me. She doesn’t cook (just like me) and they bust each other’s balls a lot (just like me and my husband). Except we don’t own any hotels or basketball teams.

At Kyle’s “White Party” her daughter Portia falls asleep in her arms so she goes to lay her in the crib and she immediately wakes up. For some reason, Kyle just slides right into the crib with her. It looked very strange.

Back down in the dancing area, Kyle’s husband Mauricio is dancing and some blonde woman is whispering in his ear. Apparently saying something along the lines of “Does your wife take care of you?”

Kyle comes over and rips the woman away from Mauricio, it was AWESOME. She screamed at her and made her leave.

Camille attended the Tony’s with Kelsey even though he had already told her that he wanted a divorce.  At dinner after, Camille says “I miss you” and Kelsey says “Thanks.” Walk away…just walk away…one of you walk away…

Soooooooo awkward.

Seriously, someone come and sit down next to them to stop the awkwardness. Thank goodness, people came. But it is still awkward because Camille is showing off some big black diamond ring and saying she wants to go into the “mines in South Africa to find Tanzania”.

It could only be more awkward if Kelsey’s new girlfriend showed up.

Oh wait it can be more awkward. Camille is standing alone outside near the fountain and saying “I lost all my friends.” Kelsey’s probably already long gone humping his new fiancé.

This lost footage special wasn’t as exciting as I first expected. Oh well.

YEAH Next week there is a special about the dinner party from hell (the one with the bitch, Allison Dubois!) YEAH! More lost footage. They are really just stretching out the premiere of the Miami Housewives.

Teen Mom 2 (from 2/8)

Kailyn is going to her first day of college.  It is scary for her but I’m sure even more awkward since there are cameras following her around. I always wonder if the crew have t-shirts on or signs that say what show they are filming so people know it isn’t “To Catch a Predator” or something.




Every one of those little “rules” you read and hear about taking care of babies are completely LOST on these girls. Over the course of several 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom episodes I’ve seen people heating up bottles in the microwave, babies sleeping on the couch, sleeping with blankets even as a newborn, etc.



Now Isaac is in his crib with a bottle and using a pillow. Two things I still thought were no-no’s for this age.


Kailyn seems completely, 100% ungrateful of Jo’s parents. She’s arguing with Jo in front of them and giving excuses why she didn’t do hers and the baby’s laundry yet. She should be doing everyone’s laundry and cleaning since she’s living there for free and her boyfriend gave her money to pay for school. 

Days later, Kailyn is in her car on her way home from school when Jo calls her to tell her that he got kicked out of the house so she can’t go back there. He’s taking Isaac to his aunt’s house two hours away in Newark. This sounds promising.

Kailyn is able to stay at her friend’s house who has green an pink walls and streamers for curtains. She talks to Jo again who says he’s looking for apartments in New Jersey for them. It makes no sense since Kailyn goes to school and works in Pennsylvania so maybe Jo is hoping to crossover into the Jersey Shore cast.  One show at a time, man!

Please, Jo. Please.

Jo and Kailyn meet at a diner and the only thing I notice is that Jo has long fingernails. I’m so distracted by this that I have no idea what they talked about. Something about living arrangements.



Jenelle’s narrative voice is really irritating.  Speaking of irritating, Barbara is talking to Jenelle while she’s getting ready in the bathroom to go to the college to talk about financial aid. “When you do this financial aid, make shoooowa…..shut the toilet so the baby doesn’t drown. Babies do that.”

Barbara is telling Jenelle to lie on her financial aid application. Wonderful. Not surprisingly, Jenelle takes this advice and tells the Financial Aid representative that she financially provides more than 50% for Jace.

Then she tells the truth about her mother having custody – how did her or her mother think she’d get away with saying she provides for her son when she doesn’t have custody, lives at home and works seemingly VERY part time?

Jenelle is visiting her boyfriend Reefer and he’s having a hard time pouring Sprite into an enormous cup. He’s wearing the same “deck of cards” shorts that he wore when he met Barbara.  They both leave the house with plastic cups of the “Sprite”.

Barbara is PISSED at Jenelle for asking her for her 1040 to apply for financial aid.

Jenelle doesn’t go home because of this so her and Reefer hang out at the beach in their dirty hemp necklaces. Despite the fact that Jenelle needs to “babysit” Jace the next morning, her and Reefer hang out giggling at their friend Amber’s house.  They are sleeping on the floor and Jenelle sleeps through her alarm or answer her phone when her mom calls wondering where she is. Too much “Sprite” the night before?  

Sometime that day Jenelle and Reefer in his deck of cards shorts again head to Jenelle’s house so she can get the forms necessary to apply for financial aid. Not to see Jace, apologize or “babysit”…to get the forms.

Barbara’s boyfriend Mike goes off on Jenelle saying that she only watches Jace 5 hours a week and that is not a mother…a mother is 24 hours a day. Jenelle ignores him and goes into her bedroom to slam the door, leaving Reefer to hang out in the living room. Awkward!!

Jenelle is crying to Reefer because no one tells her that they love her and her mom calls her a whore and a slut.

Warning: corny quote coming, you may need a vomit bag. Baby Bubbles Vomit Bag

Reefer says “The past is history, the future’s a mystery and now is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.”



Did he seriously just say that? Yes, he did. I rewound it to make sure and gagged a little bit.

Barbara comes home in a fit of flames! She’s kicking Jenelle out and tells her she’s the worst piece of shit mother. Jenelle collects some things, doesn’t cry, doesn’t say goodbye to Jace, just leaves. She drives away after a little monologue about getting Jace back and proving her mom wrong and one of them forgot their bottle of water on the back of the car so it flies off. This is what happens when people are baked in the middle of the afternoon.


Leah is taking care of the twins alone while Corey heads to work. She’s wearing enough makeup to head over to Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC. Not your typical SAHM.



Leah and Corey invite Leah’s mom and stepdad over for take out. They REALLY need more subtitles during these conversations because I really have only understood like 10 words. What I do know is that Leah has still not given her mother her hairdresser’s name and number.

Leah reveals that she thinks Corey is afraid to be alone with the twins. She decides to leave him alone with them while she goes shopping. 

He can’t find bottles so he saunters into the living room to tell the babies that he “can’t find nothin’”.  That will suffice, Corey. They understand.

He calls Leah twice during this time because he doesn’t know where anything is, he had to change a poopy diaper and doesn’t know what to do when the girls are crying.

Leah also calls the dad watching the babies “babysitting”. WTF?

Please, MTV, please put subtitles on when Corey is speaking. Otherwise, I don’t know what’s going on in their segments.


Chelsea and her friend Megan are sweeping. It is definitely a two person job. They then make a list of things Adam needs to change when he moves into the house.

1. Get a job

2. Treat mom & baby good (not ‘well’…’good’)

3. Don’t cheat on mom (Chelsea doesn’t believe that this is part of #2 for some reason).

Chelsea says how difficult it is to finish high school on her laptop because it is hard to concentrate with Aubree around. I actually think a bigger problem is that one of Chelsea’s eyes is completely covered by her bangs. She might be able to get things done if she actually can see out of both eyes. These headbands are cute.

Also, the class she’s taking online right now is “P.E.”. Yes, somehow she’s able to take PHYSICAL education class on her laptop.

Asshole is moving in. I mean, Adam. He hangs his clothes up in the closet and we see that Chelsea has no clothes hanging, hers is all over the floor. Apparently taking P.E. online took up so much time that she can’t even keep her house clean. Or put sheets on the mattress. Or comb her hair.

Adam is changing a poopy diaper. He throws the poopy diaper aside and we see it all spread out on the floor. For some reason seconds later, the poopy diaper is blurred out. Did someone go and write “fucking idiot” in the poop?

Chelsea doesn’t want to tell her father about Adam living there because she’s already disappointed him so many times, she needs to spread out the disappointments.

While Adam takes Aubree to his parents’ house for the day, Chelsea and Megan get mani/pedi’s.  I think this is the laziest girl so far. She says she hasn’t gotten her GED because of Aubree distracting her, but when she’s gone for the day she gets her nails done instead of studying (or cleaning the pig sty of a house).

While they are gone, Chelsea’s father stops by and just walks in since they apparently left the door unlocked.  There is no car in the driveway but he is inside yelling “Chelsea?” He went upstairs and saw Adam’s stuff in the house. Busted!

Sadly, her Dad caves and doesn’t force Chelsea to kick Adam out of the house. How disappointing. He’s supposed to be the strong one.


All in all it was a tame Teen Mom episode except for Jenelle being kicked out of her house.

Tune in next week to see her mom invite her to Jace’s first birthday party and Chelsea cries some more mascara.  She apparently doesn't use waterproof kind.

The non-recap of Bad Girls Club from 2/7

I watched this tonight and wrote my recap as it was on. It is not even worth posting it here because it was such a lame episode. This season is BORING.

So, if you didn't see it...you missed nothing.