The Real Housewives of NYC: Santa Does Henna (from 6/9)

We begin where we left off - Jill and Ramona's "fight" with both of them crying.  LuMann and Kelly join Jill to discuss what happened.

Cindy pokes in and tells her it isn't worth it.  Not sure why people thought it was worth being her friend before this.

Downstairs Ramona is crying with Alex comforting her. Sonja stands there with a leopard scarf around her neck that drags on the floor - someone could choke her if they stepped on it.  When LuMann comes in she asks Ramona why she's causing trouble and Alex shoos her away to get Ramona some Pino Grigiot.  There must be some in a box under Ramona's bed.

Everyone feels the need to come in and talk to Ramona about the situation. Just mind your own fucking business everyone! Ugh.

Everyone goes out to dinner. A belly dancer is flinging herself around the restaurant.  For some reason Ramona is treating her like a stripper and putting money in the dancer's waistband.  This whole thing is embarrassing.  Now Alex and Ramona get up and dance with one of the belly dancers. Oh my goodness I would leave.

The next day Jill, Alex, Sonja, Cindy and Kelly go somewhere to get some historical tour. Jill asks a million questions. This is boring.


Later on Alex checks in with Ramona to see how she is doing after the fight with Jill. Ramona is "crying" on a chaise lounge outside. Alex promises to be Ramona's wingman tonight.


LuMann, Kelly and Cindy get henna tattoos. Ramona and Sonja are upstairs in their rooms.

Well - because we had some thunderstorms tonight, my Direct TV obviously got a little messed up because suddenly I was on a commercial and now we are back and Kelly is telling Alex that she's being weird.  Alex has the worst timing ever.

It looks like Alex came downstairs to defend Ramona.  She says that Ramona asked her to protect her from LuMann. Holy cripes. If Ramona really said that - Alex isn't supposed to repeat it. What an idiot.

Kelly keeps telling her to stop and to just stay out of it but for some reason Alex thinks that during this Moroccan vacation while the ladies are getting henna done is the perfect time to discuss drama.

Kelly walks away talking to herself calling Alex an idiot and she's stupid.  She says something about Alex's scarf. It's equally as weird as Alex's ranting.  Somehow Kelly's tattoo is ruined and she blames it on Alex.  She comes back in and tells Alex that this is not normal behavior.  (I think there is a mirror over there Kelly...take a look.)  At one point she exclaims to herself "Who's going to fix my tattoo? Santa?"

They go outside and Kelly just shhsshhs Alex over and over again. Alex is shouting and has hives all over her neck and chest.  Kelly actually calms her down and tells her that sometimes it is better to observe and not participate in chaotic situations.  When the fuck did Kelly become the voice of reason??? If she hadn't said Santa would fix her henna tattoo and would just stop saying the word "weird" in every single sentence I would almost consider her borderline somewhat a teeny bit normal.


Sonja tells Ramona that she snuck a peek at the dresses that were made by the designer for them.  Ramona wants to sneak and look at it too. Ramona actually tries hers on over her clothes. She doesn't seem to like it so she tries on another. None of this seems like a good idea.  They run back to their room, Alex joins them and they discuss the events.


Downstairs, Jill, LuMann, Cindy and Kelly are sitting down for dinner.   Apparently Alex and Ramona asked for dinner to be sent to their rooms instead but they told the kitchen this and not the ladies.  LuMann and Kelly again say that Alex was acting weird and dark.  Damn - I can't believe Direct TV cut off Demon Alex.  Can anyone tell me what happened? I will watch "Watch What  Happens Live" after this so maybe Andy will show a clip.

Alex suddenly shows up looking shocked that dinner is happening. LuMann says the kitchen is closed so Alex can just have the salad that is already on the table.  Alex says she wasn't told about the 8:00 dinner but LuMann thinks she did and says that because she has an education, she should know that telling LuMann that she wasn't coming to dinner was the right thing to do.  Oh yes, I learned about that in my Dinner Etiquette in Morocco with Annoying Bitches 101 class.

Apparently LuMann got her Masters Degree at Condescending University.  She says to Alex "You started it, not me." Did I just see her stick her tongue out?  Alex continues to talk on and on and Kelly leads her out of the room telling her that she's saving her.  Kelly has a Bachelor's Degree from CU.

Kim Zolciak should step in and start singing "Tardy for the Party."

Ramona and Sonja burst into the room later (I don't know how much later than 8pm) and Ramona asks what is for dinner.  LuMann says "What dinner?" It's already done and they had their sent to their room. Or they had wine sent to their room - I guess that is the same thing to Ramona and Sonja...dinner=wine.

Ramona said that the wine was a 5:00 snack and everyone keeps calling each other "darling."  For those who didn't graduate from Condescending U, they must be taking evening courses.

Sonja walks away quietly and Ramona seems to wander around trying to find the exit.  LuMann gets up to storm off.   Oh wait, Ramona comes back with plates full of the "snacks" she was talking about.

It seems as though no one knew when dinner was except LuMann, Kelly and Cindy.  Jill had shown up earlier but was gone the whole time finding Diet Coke? She comes in the room at the end and says that she's starving. Where has she been?

Ramona pulls the apology "I'm sorry you feel hurt."  That's not an apology. "I'm sorry I hurt you" is an apology.

Oh - it's 9:30pm. Why didn't someone just call up to their room or go and get them? They waited an hour and a half because maybe some food was sent to their rooms earlier in the day?


The next day is packing day.  Jill and Ramona talk again. It is a much calmer situation. They say they will let bygones by bygones and try to be more sensitive to each other's feelings. We'll see.



Back in NYC Mario and Simon are out playing pool. Some woman joins them and Simon takes a picture of Mario posing with her.  Bad timing there, probably.


Belly dancing. Ramona in a bikini top. Enough said.

It is the night for the ladies to wear their designer dresses. They get their makeup done. They actually all look really great.

LuMann wants to everyone to say their favorite part of the trip and Alex starts going on and on about feelings. For some reason LuMann keeps saying "yahabibi".

The Real Housewives of OC: Season Finale (from 6/5)

Vicki had been hospitalized from ulcers in her colon. She got out of the hospital and filed for divorce. She's been crying for a while and for some reason during this entire first scene she just keeps rubbing her eyes over and over with her fingers, tissues or something else.  Gross, stop rubbing your eyes!!

Since she had already planned a "fall party" months ago, she's still going to put it on. Fucking idiot. But maybe it's in her Real Housewives contract. They need a big party at the end of the season for dramatic reasons.


Tamra is annoyed with Eddie as he tries to pick out an ugly shirt. But really she's just stressing about seeing Jeana at Vicki's party. Apparently she talked to the press and told them she witnessed Tamra hitting Simon.  She continues to bitch and talk about it to Eddie and I feel like he wants to bash her over the head...I certainly do.


Gretchen wants Slade to go to Vicki's party and I don't blame him for not wanting to do so.  Not only because they all talk shit about him but he makes a good point that Vicki always wanted to pass judgement on others' relationships and here she is going through a divorce.


Alexis has forgiven Vicki for bleeding out of her ass and missing the Alexis Couture party. She's getting dressed to head to the party.  For some reason Alexis has invited four of her friends. We know Jim isn't going since he hates everyone.

I have to repeat word-for-word what I just heard come out of Alexis' mouth.

"The problem with liberal America today is that this is the decade of being so liberal and women being able to run for president, women being able to do everything their man can do and excuse me, but I am a woman and I'm made from my husband's rib. I want to be the wife and be his baby and his cherish what he cherishes."

Oh yes Alexis...it is SUCH a problem that us women can actually do everything a man can. I am NOT made from anyone's fucking rib.

Please tell me all of you want to shove her head into her oven like I do.


Tamra is pissed that Vicki didn't tell her that she filed for divorce and that she had to read about it on the internet. Because it is ALL about you Tamra.  She has a letter from her lawyer to give to Jeana at the party about not talking to the press anymore. Eddie wants to throw her out the window of the limo.


Gross...when someone brings oysters over to Peggy, Eddie and some woman, Peggy says "Oysters...ooooh so we get horny?" No one should ever say the word horny. I hate it. But coming from Peggy it's even worse.

Oh wait...much worse coming. Eddie says "No, me get horny...you get the benefit."  I think my vagina just dried up forever.


Meanwhile inside, Tamra is talking to Vicki about the divorce situation and I can't get past the fact that she's wearing about 12 pounds of makeup.

For some reason when Vicki starts to cry Tamra's response is to yell at her and tell her to play with her boobs.  I'd hate to see her at a funeral.


On orders from Tamra, Peggy spreads the word to everyone at the party to not mention Don.  Awkward.


Peggy decides to confront Alexis about the lip comment in the limo while they were in Texas.  Alexis' dumbass doesn't actually "get" that Peggy is confronting her about being the asshole that she's been over the last few weeks. She actually thinks it is about plastic surgery. 

They keep calling each other 'honey' and Alexis tells Peggy that she's not "allowed" to talk about her husband.  This is the worst most boring argument ever.


Apparently Peggy agrees with me because that wasn't enough drama for her.  She confronts Jeana about saying things to the press about Tamra. They pull Tamra over. Jeana says the press twisted her words.

Tamra just keeps saying "really, really, really?" Then she suddenly grew balls and starts pointing her finger at Jeana and yelling at her.

What's up with Quinn's terrible wig?

Tamra throws her letter from her lawyer into Jeana's face. Jeana threatens to throw her in the pool. (Time to work on your comebacks Jeana). 

Tamra calls her a bitch and throws her wine directly into Jeana's eyes.

Jeana throws hers but since she's obviously blinded by the alcohol, the drink just hits some other chick in a blue dress. I was wondering why they actually "introduced" this girl earlier in the episode - its because SHE is the one who pushes Jeana from behind.

Less than a minute later, Jeana's man-boy throws his drink at the girl in the blue dress.

Tamra is no where to be found. Her balls disappeared.

Oh wait - she's out front in the driveway wearing no shoes.  She tells Vicki that Jeana tried to throw her in the pool and that's why she threw the drink in her face.

The blue dress bitch suddenly asks Quinn if she can borrow her wig because Jeana got her hair wet. Who is this fucking chick?

Alexis talks to Tamra and she says that she doesn't get into the press and that she doesn't read.  Big surprise. She probably thinks that she's not allowed to read because her husband does all the reading. Tamra says that Jeana pushed her and that's why she threw her drink. Is she THAT fucking stupid? There are cameras on you!

Gretchen basically tells Tamra that she did the same thing to her that Jeana did. Talked to the press about things that she didn't know anything about. Karma's a bitch.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season Premiere: Competition & Hypocrisy (from 5/16)

We open the season with Teresa and the family attending her brother's son's christening. Teresa tells us that she doesn't get along with her brother's wife, Melissa. Good thing because she's one of the new cast members.

Teresa goes up to her brother and SIL and says congratulations. They ask her "Why are you saying it now?" I'm guessing because this is the party to celebrate the christening...but whatever.

Her brother says "Teresa do what you do every day, just walk the fuck away."  Teresa doesn't understand what is going on - none of us do, I think. She asks why they even invited her and Melissa's sister says that it was a technicality.

Inappropriate arguing ensues and Teresa's brother bangs on the table with his fist several times. What is up with their family and restaurant tables?

Little children are turning around to see what the yelling is all about and someone says "don't get it twisted". Hold the phone. When did that phrase become an adult phrase?

Never.

The men start fighting and we cut to a screen that says "One week earlier..." Ok good because I thought I was losing my mind.


I guess Teresa and her husband own a pizzeria now that they have gone through bankruptcy. Teresa has written a cookbook and is doing book signings at her restaurant.  People come and tell her that they are praying for her and they hope she'll be fine.  Huh? Why would anyone give a shit about a "real housewife" who just last season spent ridiculous amounts of money on frivolous things like boobs and an enormous home made of marble?

Jacqueline is visiting Teresa and she's explaining about the drama she has with her brother. Teresa says that she wanted Melissa to be like her sister and she called her a lot, etc. but Melissa kept blowing her off so she stopped calling as much.

Yeah - something is missing here.

Neither of them came to any of her book signings and the rumor is that they thought they needed to be invited. I'm kind of with the brother and SIL on this - did she expect them to come and wait in line like some RHofNJ fans?  There is a lot more to this story.



Jacqueline looks great in her opening scene - she lost all the baby weight.  Her daughter, Ashley is wearing a teeny tiny dress.

Ashley is interning at Lizzie Grubman PR. Jacqueline goes to visit her and they talk with Lizzie herself. I think she's the one who ran over a bunch of people with her SUV? Anyway, Lizzie says that Jacqueline has an amazing daughter but that she has to come to work everyday. Ashley says that it is really hard.

I just vomited a little bit. Ashley drops a bomb that she wants to talk to her mom about moving into the city. Jacqueline wonders how she will do this since her internship is unpaid. Ashley starts to cry. More vomit.  Lizzie has to comfort her.

Jacqueline, Ashley and Chris (Jacqueline's husband) go out to lunch. Ashley still cries because she says that the whole process of working in the city is annoying because she has to get up early.  Chris tells her that when he was her age he did whatever he had to do to get to work. She says that she has been doing that and sometimes she's late.

I may lose like 10 lbs tonight from all this vomit. I hate Ashley right now.

Chris says that if she does well at the job and tries hard he will pay for her commuting into the city. You can see in Ashley's face that this is not what she wanted to hear. She was expecting them to buy her an apartment.



The Manzos are walking through an empty apartment. Albee and Christopher are moving into an apartment they leased together. Caroline is crying because her kids are leaving.

Caroline is the best Real Housewife of them all.  She's strong, smart, a great mom, has great boobs and didn't pay for them.  But this also means her segments might be a bit boring because she doesn't have drama. Now that Danielle is gone...but who knows, maybe she'll get involved in the Teresa/Melissa/Joe/Kathy fiasco.

I feel bad but in her next segment I almost want to fast forward because I know nothing is going to happen. They are just cooking and eating. Well, Caroline says that they have maple-glazed butter and Jacqueline thinks she said nipple-glazed butter.   Oooohhh, risque!



It is time to meet the infamous SIL Melissa.  Joe, her husband (Teresa's brother) is massaging her feet and kissing them.  Seriously I lost at LEAST 5 lbs already and we're only 22 minutes in.

Melissa is so happy that Joe surprised her with the plans for this 15,000 square foot home for Christmas! I'm beginning to see why Teresa is fighting with them - COMPETITION.

Melissa is the type of wife that has to be "a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom." Lovely.

When their son makes a mess with some Styrofoam on the floor Joe tells him to come play football. The son says that he's helping to clean up and Joe says "Forget cleaning up, that's for the women!"

Ah, this is looking to be a good season where I hate everyone! YEAH!

Kathy (the other new castmate) is Joe's cousin and she comes by for lunch - she's good friends with Melissa.  They talk about Teresa and Joe.  Kathy says if she was going through what Teresa did, she wouldn't want to leave the house.  Way to be supportive.

What the fuck is Melissa wearing?

Joe makes a comment that Teresa says how her family is Jacqueline and Caroline...but of course we know that isn't true as far as blood relation. Melissa says that even when they are invited to be with Teresa and her "friends" they act like they aren't even there anyway.

Sounds to me like a bunch of snobs who are all jealous of each other.



Kathy is married to a Lebanese man, Rich. He is so cheesy looking that I'm questioning whether or not these people were cast and costumed by Bravo. People can't really look like this in real life, right?

Kathy loves to cook because "what you put in your mouth? It's important." Come on. She's riding around on a bicycle to pick up groceries. These people aren't real. 

They have two children - Victoria who is 16 and Joseph who is 14. Kathy says how Joseph has so many friends...SO many friends. As she is saying this we see Joseph playing with a knife in his bed.  Kathy is upset that he's playing with knives on his bed because it isn't a hard surface.

Come on. The jokes on us right? Come on.



It is the morning of the christening party.  Melissa's sisters are looking for a fight with Teresa.


Speaking of Teresa - are they still living in their giant marble mansion? All these people "praying" for her and her family - I bet their entire house would fit in the Guidice's entryway.

While getting the kids ready for the christening, Teresa has lost Audriana - the baby - who is crawling around the house.  Luckily Teresa's makeup artist was on the stairs because he caught the baby as she started to crawl down them. Lovely.

Teresa's hairstylist is cheating on her with Melissa.  It is a giant conspiracy - Melissa and her sisters are taking up the hairstylists time so that Teresa will be late.

Teresa is freaking out because they will be late but Joe is in shorts pulling a wheelbarrow out of the garage. He's not getting ready. He has diarrhea. And evidently he's carting it out in the wheelbarrow?


Melissa is scaring her baby I think...telling him that he's going to Jesus' kingdom. Maybe it is just me...but that would scare me. "You're bringing me WHERE?" Of course, I know the baby is too young to understand.

At the church, Melissa notices that Teresa isn't there (she's late). Of course she did, why wouldn't she? There are only a thousand people there.

I guess this is what Danielle was talking about in the reunion show last year when she said that Teresa didn't acknowledge her nephew.

Teresa DOES show up at the church and she clearly says congratulations to her brother and her nephew.  Melissa still wonders if she showed up late or afterwards (who cares?) and then says that they should have pulled Gia out of whatever she was doing so she could attend her cousin's christening.

According to Teresa, Gia had a gymnastics competition and if she missed it she would be kicked out of gymnastics.  Even if that weren't true and it was a giant lie (although we saw Gia leave for gymnastics with her coach) who gives a fuck if one 7 year old girl isn't in attendance!??? (Sorry...she might not be 7 but I can't remember).

Melissa is pissed that Joe (Teresa's husband) didn't come to the church. She obviously doesn't care about the wheelbarrows of diarrhea. When he does come to the reception and Melissa's Joe asks Teresa's Joe if he wants a shot, he of course declines since he hasn't eaten anything and he's been shoveling watery poop all morning. Melissa takes this as an insult.  Does she want him squirting at the party?

She also takes this opportunity to tell us (in interview) that Teresa thinks she throws better parties than her but she does NOT. 

Teresa then tells us (in interview) that there weren't a lot of people at the christening...that she had like 200 people at her last one but there wasn't even 200 at this one.

Competition will ruin relationships. GROW THE FUCK UP!

Melissa, Joe, Kathy and Rich are talking about Teresa. Joe says that he is ignoring her just like she ignores him at parties. I don't doubt this because Teresa seems very scatterbrained and into her money (or lack of), her husband and her kids much more than anyone else.


Melissa's Joe is livid that Teresa was dancing with the baby that just got christened.  Melissa brings up the fact that she (Melissa) was holding Audriana at her christening and Teresa came up and ripped her right out of her arms.  Obviously we didn't see this.

Now were back to the place where the show started leading up to the fight. I really don't understand why Joe is so angry at this moment. He's SO angry. He calls her garbage.


Teresa's Joe (I think) comes up and says something like "you sons of bitches" and that is when the actual brawl started.

HOW HYPOCRITICAL ARE THESE PEOPLE? You're celebrating a religious event...and now you're drunk and you're physically fighting and saying fuck every other word in front of all these people, including children.

At one point the camera is behind Teresa and she's telling her husband "It's a christening!" so basically to calm down. All of the sudden the camera guy either got tackled or someone pushed him out of the way and we don't see anything but someone yells "I'll fucking kill every one of yous!"

The camera goes to this shot:

just as someone is saying "You wanna fuck with me?".  I love that Bravo pointed out the hypocrisy with that one little scene.

Melissa's Joe is telling everyone to get his sister and his BIL out of there.  Suddenly there is screaming and someone is on the ground. I have no idea who it is.  Someone is yelling "Get the cops!"

Other people are fighting because it isn't Joe Guidice...he and Teresa are not in the center of the brawl. If I were Teresa the FIRST FUCKING THOUGHT IN MY HEAD would have been "Where are my four children and let me get them out of here, they do NOT need to experience this."

Nope, not these people!

Somehow and for some reason people are starting shit with Teresa & Joe's father? He's an old man who has had two open heart surgeries? WTF is going on?

Someone has said "I'll fucking crack their skulls." (I assume it was Joe Guidice). Someone tries to take Melissa's Joe to the bar to calm down. Yes, add more alcohol, that will do the trick! Might as well start looking for pens so someone can stab someone else in the neck a la Goodfellas.

Bad Girls Club (from 4/11)

This show is becoming quite difficult to recap. The girls are more annoying than ANY other season in the past. But...I'm not giving up yet.

We ended last episode with Ugly Wilmarie and Nikki fighting in the limo so this is where the episode begins. Blurred out crotch shots of Nikki, Wilmarie trying to bite. Gross, I would NOT want to be bitten by Wilmarie.

Lauren does the "clap talking" even when she's not yelling. She's clapping with each of these words while she talks to Nikki "If you need my help..." It's like she's trying to count how many words she's saying...can't go over the limit.

Nikki gets sent to the hotel for the night to "cool off".  She calls her dad in the morning and thinks that none of the girls are on Wilmarie's side and that Lauren will never turn on her. Sounds like Oxygen put this conversation on the show to show how wrong she is later on.

The girls go for a hollywood bus ride and Jessica screams BAD GIRLS CLUB from the top of the bus and flashes everyone. They are going on a Mexican bar crawl.

Upon returning to the house the girls find out that they are going on a trip to Mexico. Prior to the trip Nikki and Lauren seem to be disagreeing. We know where this is going.

Smarty pants Char is explaining the hotel they are staying at and she says "It's white. It's Christine." Ummm...no, fucking idiot. She means "pristine." I hate her.

At dinner, Nikki is trying to have a conversation with Char about the first time they met. Char ignores her. She doesn't know when Nikki decided it was okay to speak to her.

Nikki and Lauren leave before dessert to go out drinking.

Char and Wilmarie go out dancing at a club that makes me almost have a seizure. Every guy that is dancing with Wilmarie is gay. I think they might think she's a man.

Jessica and Kori head to Senor Frogs (where Nikki and Lauren are) to get wasted. Kori lets some random guy lick whipped cream off her boobies. Again, her mom must be so proud.

Nikki runs into a friend of hers and is just talking talking talking talking...Lauren can't get a word in. As much as Lauren annoys the shit out of me, I am SUPER annoyed with Nikki right now too.

Lauren goes to the hotel early. She and Kori hang out on a trampoline at the beach. The beginning of the end of Nikki and Lauren's BFFness.

The next morning Nikki and Char are both sleeping in so the rest of the girls are hanging out on the beach. When Nikki and Char finally get up the rest of them head back to the hotel to get ready. Nikki keeps trying to have a conversation with Char. They say that Kori and Lauren are both followers.

Now suddenly Char and Nikki respect each other.  Ugh. Char goes up to the room and Nikki follows a little while later. She thinks she's being funny by having a guy wheel her in on a cart saying "room service". She needs to learn about what comedy means.

Kori thinks she can read people because she is a licensed massage therapist. ????

In the van on the way to dinner and the club Nikki is sitting in the way back and she's mumbling about everyone - calling people followers, who is young, who is old, boring, etc. Then she spits water on Lauren's back. 

Nikki is trying to poke Lauren in the face with one of those long balloons that people form into animals. She is seriously the most annoying person.  She leaves and goes outside by herself so of course everyone talks about her while she's gone. I love how they all say that they don't hide how they feel and they tell people what they think to their face but I really haven't seen any of that in this episode.

When Nikki heads back into the club, the girls are dancing and she's kind of on the outskirts and below them a bit and looks like an idiot because she's still dancing.

Back at the hotel Nikki walks way behind the rest of the pack like a lost little duckling.

Finally Lauren confronts Nikki the next day out at the pool. Of course Nikki covers her face up with a big sombrero. It was a lame argument and Oxygen decides to play clips of their "friendship" as if we're sad about this separation.

The girls are back at home and Nikki goes out alone. She makes out with some random guy and she comes home super drunk.

She walks into the house yelling "replacement" at Wilmarie. She then throws Wilmarie's bedding over the inside balcony into the lobby. Wilmarie keeps telling Nikki to punch her. She slaps her instead. Then Wilamarie grabs her hair and starts fighting with her.  This is where my DVD cut off but I'm sure they don't show the rest of the fight, they always do this.

I don't know how many episodes are left this season but I hope not too many more. These girls are getting on my LAST nerve.

Bad Girls Club (from 3/28)

Nikki announces that they are playing dodgeball.  Char brags that she was good at dodgeball in elementary school. Great resume.

The walk into the gym where they are playing and it looks brutal but at least they aren't playing other people. Nikki, Wilmarie and Lauren lose almost immediately and during the rematch the exact opposite happens. The third game Char, Jessica and Kori win.

What was the point in this?

On the ride home Lauren is talking about what she likes in guys and they get extra extra extra points of they wear girl jeans. Um...ew!!!

Wilmarie, Lauren and Nikki are going out together to a place called La Vida. Nikki wants to find a "guido". It is so annoying. Using Jersey Shore lingo when you are not joking or making fun of them is not cool.

Wilmarie is fighting with Nikki and Lauren because she wants to dance. Nikki calls her a replacement which is the equivalent to the devil at the Bad Girls Club.

At home, Char suggests they play charades. When she says "one syllable", Jessica says that she doesn't even know what the word syllable. Holy shit.

She also says that she didn't know that North Carolina wasn't a part of California. Holy shit.

Char doesn't know what an adverb is and Kori suggests that a noun is what describes the verb. Holy shit.

In the sentence "Jessica ran across the street" Jessica thinks that the noun is "ran". Holy shit.

Wilmarie goes home early and cries to the other girls. When Lauren and Nikki get home Nikki argues with Wilmarie about the replacement comment. She's only been here four days and she mentions that the originals have been there for 8 weeks. I would DIE if I had to live with these slobby nasty annoying bitches for 8 weeks.

The next day Lauren and Nikki head out together and Lauren's wearing another romper/jumper thing.

The other four go out together. Some random guy comes to their area and they pull his pants down. Then Kori gives him a lap dance, lifts up her shirt and puts his face between her boobs. I bet her mother is super proud.

At the house Nikki is taking apart Wilmarie's bed because that is obviously just as bad as being called a replacement.  They then put the extra mattress in between Nikki and Lauren's beds. Wilmarie is moving into the "jinxed" room where all other occupants have gone home.

Kori talks to a friend on the phone and they both say "oh my gawd" and "yaaah" and "totally".

Nikki and Lauren go to a club to look for their next STD. Nikki wants to hook up with the valet guy because he does the Jersey Shore fist pumping thing where they start on the ground and go up in the air. I'm not from Jersey - but I would really like to believe that the stupid fist pumping from the ground up was kind of a Jersey Shore cast thing...not everyone in Jersey.

And you know what? Even if it was a Jersey thing - everyone should STOP doing that because they look fucking stupid for trying to be like a Jersey Shore cast member. Nikki calling guys guidos and her "snooki poof"?

L-O-S-E-R. That's a noun.

Char, Kori and Jessica go bowling. They all suck but I don't know how they are bowling with black lights everywhere and disco ball strobes. Char spills Jessica's drink and she's pissed but not for long.

Some large women come over to the girls and start yelling at them for being on the Bad Girls Club and that they are ho's. Char, Kori and Jessica get kicked out because of it.

Nikki makes a date with the valet parking guy and she calls him on the phone and invites him to go to a place called "Boho". She has to repeat the word "Boho" about 12 times so either there is some joke that I don't get or the guy was not listening or is just weird.

They go out to dinner and then meet up at a club later. She's yelling "You are SO Jersey bro!!!" Ugh. Someone needs to tape her mouth (and her legs) shut.

The other four girls have a feeling that Nikki wants to start something tonight. Ugly Wilmarie is going to take care of it.

They all get picked up in the limo so this is where the fight will happen. Nikki starts being really annoying with Jessica and Wilmarie is trying to tell her to stop. Now Wilmarie and Nikki are arguing and Nikki throws the "replacement" word at her again.

I understand that she's not one of the originals - but that isn't HER fault. It isn't like she signed up to be a replacement when someone left.  It is a WEIRD insult.

I realize tonight that I HATE Nikki. She turns around and smacks Wilmarie and they start fighting. Of course, the episode ends so we don't see what happens after that.

In two weeks they go to Mexico and everyone is changing. Lauren's sick of Nikki so she's hanging out with Kori. Nikki's hanging out with Char. However, Nikki and Wilmarie still fight and the word replacement is still being used. PUKE.

This show needs to be DONE! How many episodes left?


Previous Bad Girls Club Recaps - click the episode to be linked to old recaps

Episode from 3/28

Episode from 3/21

Episode from 3/14

Episode from 3/7

Episode from 2/21

Episode from 2/14

Episode from 2/7

Episode from 1/24

Bad Girls Club: Wanging in a Slophouse (from 3/21)

Sorry I'm so late with this recap but it is the least popular of all of the shows I recap so I figured it could wait.

I forgot how gross Wilmarie is. I feel like she's walking around in pee soaked shorts and hairy calves.

When they show the girls walking around the house - it is such a mess. How can anyone live like that? Pick up your shit!!!

Jessica's mom calls and Lauren answers the phone. Since Jessica isn't there Lauren asks if she could take a message.  Jessica's mom (who sounds like she's a teenager) first wants to know who it is that she's talking to and isn't nice about it. Lauren ends up hanging up on her and I don't blame her.

Char finds out that there is some video online of her and people are making fun of her on the website.

Here is the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-50Vntuc21Y  Nothing too exciting except she looks like an idiot and might have a smelly vagina.

Nikki, Lauren and Wilmarie pull the couch outside and watch everyone else leave the house. I don't really get it but I think it was supposed to be some kind of intimidation tactic.

Jenn, Kori, Char and Jessica go out to eat and I'm more annoyed with Jenn's voice than ever. How can anyone be near her?

The girls get home and throw water bottles from the car at the house (apparently aiming at the three girls who are still sitting on the couch outside).

Nikki says something to Jess like "I can't hear you, I don't speak hood rat." Awwwww snap. Nikki keeps saying something in Spanish and luckily Oxygen types it out for us on the screen.

              Ya Tu Sabes
              Spanish Slang
              1. "You already know."
              2. "Ya'll know how I do."

I still don't understand what any of that means.

The next day Jenn uses a plunger to rub the dry erase marker off of Wilmarie's picture. Since Wilmarie isn't there to see this, I don't know how it is an insult. In fact, Jenn is probably getting toilet poopie water on her hands from having to lift the plunger up in the air. She's only hurting herself.

Now she's hurting me by making this face:

Nikki's plan to get Jenn out of the house is apparently staring at her.

Kori, Jessica and Char go to a tattoo parlor so Kori can get her giant tramp stamp touched up. The camera does an unfortunate close up of Kori's face.

Back at the house, Nikki, Lauren and Wilmarie decide to gang up on Jenn who is alone. They block her from going up the stairs and walk really close to her. The camera does an unfortunate close up of Lauren's ass in a bright blue romper while picking her wedge.

The girls are telling Jenn that they are going to pack up her things.  Jenn in her wailing nasal voice says "I'm not trash, I'm not trash. I was raised with class sweetie." Sure. I believe you. You're from Jersey.

Loud obnoxious yelling. Wilmarie basically dry humping Jenn and then Nikki pushing Jenn. The three bullies are packing all of Jenn's things and taking them down to the bottom of the driveway.  Jenn packs up the rest of her things Angelina-style in trash bags and leaves. Not before Oxygen gives us a montage of her annoying voice.

Jessica thinks that Jenn is being weak by leaving without punching anyone because she thinks Italians are supposed to stand up for themselves.

Jessica found out about Lauren hanging up on her mother so she asks Lauren about it while less than a half inch from her face. I can smell the halitosis.

Char is going out on a date with Eric, a guy from the tattoo parlor.  She talks and talks and talks and talks and throws in the middle "I don't like Hitler."

This is their first date and she asks "Do you believe in marriage?" His answer is "Mmm...I'd get married but I don't believe in it."  He doesn't trust women.  At least he spoke a few words during the dinner.

Nikki is drunk and confronts Jessica about how she walked Jenn to the car and said she was her friend but then when she left, she drew all over Jenn's photo on the wall.

Jessica keeps using the word "wang" to mean "punch" or "fight" I think. Kori used this word too, last week. Where I come from wang is either a part of a name in an Asian restaurant or a penis.

Nikki starts a verbal fight with Jessica but on their way upstairs to get in this "wang" Lauren is yelling at the top of her lungs so Jessica confronts her first. Jessica pushes Lauren first and then they start fighting. Oh wait, wanging. Jessica throws Lauren down by her hair and starts punching her while she's down.

A crew member pulls Jessica away and Nikki comes over and punches Jessica in the face while she's being held back. WEAK!

Nikki goes downstairs and basically apologizes to Jessica. Lauren overhears it and is crying about it.

The next night everyone heads out to a place called The Parlor. Nikki and Jessica are looking like BFFs.

There is a live band playing and Char thinks one of the member is cute. He and his twin brother come to the girls' table and give their phone numbers. Back at the house Lauren found the piece of paper with the number on it and she hides it. Suddenly Wilmarie seems to be BFFs with Char and is trying to help her find it.

Looks like Wilmarie's turning to Char's side next week and for some reason they are playing dodgeball.

Jenelle from Teen Mom in a Fight - Another Reason to Hate Her

What a wonderful influence this girl is on her son?

WATCH THE VIDEO ON THIS LINK

http://www.tmz.com/2011/03/25/teen-mom-2-jenelle-evans-catfight-video-footage-britany-truett-fist-brawl/

All 3 Girls In 'Teen Mom' Brawl Charged

50 minutes ago by TMZ Staff  

---

All three girls involved in the crazy "Teen Mom" fight TMZ first posted last week have been officially charged with crimes ... TMZ has learned.



Jenelle Evans, Britany Truett and Brittany Maggard have been charged with misdemeanor affray -- disorderly conduct by fighting in a public place.

TMZ posted the story earlier that the girls were arrested, but now the Brunswick County D.A.'s Office has officially charged all 3.

If convicted, all 3 face a maximum of 60 days in jail.

Jersey Shore: The Worst Argument Person Ever (from 3/17)

Oh, we left off with the Arvin controversy. The controversy should be that it is an awful name.

Ronnie and Sammi are fighting. I'm pretty sure that it says the same sentence in all of my recaps except the one when Sammi was home. GET OVER IT!

Deena is rolling across the floor in a box. Honestly I would rather watch her rolling in the box than seeing Ron and Sam argue again.

Deena, Sammi and Snooki go to their pointless job at the "Shore Store".

Vinny and Snooki are going out for lunch. Snooki thinks that beer battered onion rings are served in beer. I guess like floating in beer. She's beginning to remind me of Jessica Simpson.  Vinny is talking about his hookup with a girl to Snooki, even though he knows she has feelings for him. However, he tells the camera that something could get serious with Snooki because he does have feelings for her.

Vinny doesn't have his ears pierced and is getting peer pressured by the other guys to get it done. He says he's nervous but people are reminding him that infants get their ears pierced. Pauly D (love!) has had his pierced since he was like seven years old and says "My boy's becoming a man!"

How funny is it that when people my age were growing up, getting earrings certainly didn't make you a man. Getting one earring (left is right and right is wrong) became cool at some point but never two. Only people like George Michael or Boy George had multiple piercings.

    

The guy at the Shore Store does it for him and Pauly D. is super excited. He has the widest smile and he says that Vinny's looking "fresh to death!"

I just noticed that Pauly D. is wearing rosary beads around his neck...I'm not religious but isn't that wrong? I thought you weren't supposed to wear them around your neck. But, how would I know I dropped out of CCD class when I was 14.

Everyone except the two lame-os are getting ready to go out. Deena's in a denim romper (yes, I said denim romper) and Pauly D. and Vinny are making fun of her. Pauly D. says that denim isn't in anymore. I'm sorry, I love Pauly D. but his ugly bedazzled t-shirts aren't in style. Well, maybe they are but I think they are ugly. So there. I don't like the romper either so no one wins here except for JWoww's boobs because they always win.

Pauly D.'s stalker, Danielle is once again stalking him. Mike thinks that she's going to kidnap him and slowly cut his blowout down to nothing. Another one of those lines that I think Mike wrote down and thought was going to be wicked funny but it was just a sad joke. He needs to hire Bethenny Frankel for some one liners.

Oh crap, we're back at the house with Ronnie and Sammi talking and eating. She's apologizing and hanging all over him while he is chowing down on his food.

Ron wants Sam to go and get her clothes because she's "sleeping upstairs, right?" Sam's response is "With you? In your bed?"

Nope, you're sleeping on the porch my dear.  That would be cool.  Alas, I don't get my wish and we get to see the two of them making out. Gross. It is like watching two corndogs make out.

Back at the club there are old big women dancing up on the boys. Pauly D.'s eyes are about to pop out of his head and he's screaming HELP!

For some reason there is a shot of Denim Deena dancing up on a block and then the scene is cut to a pig roasting. Hmm....

The boys are so fed up with the girls at the club that they are just taking home what they can and see what happens. One of the girls says that the house smells like bandaids when she walks in. That's freaky...I'd turn around right there. Who wants to smell bandaids all night?

One of the girls' brother shows up. He says that he just wants to make sure they have a ride, whether it be now or tomorrow morning. Pauly D. sees this as his way out and asks if he can take his girl home tonight and Vinny's girl tomorrow. She's not really a grenade so she must be annoying or maybe she's what smells like bandaids.

She tells Pauly D. he's a fucking dick and says that she would rather fuck Mike anyway. EW. Who would want that?! He probably has like...old balls. Don't you imagine that when you think of him?

Vinny ends up kicking both girls out. Those earrings are apparently made of balls.

He then grabs his sloppy second, I mean...Snooki and drags her back to the bedroom area.  He says he is kidding but she is really upset. I don't blame her I guess.

Vinny and Sammi start having a little rap contest like "8 Mile". During Vinny's retaliation he slips on the floor and falls flat on his back.  That was the most exciting moment of the night.

The next day JWoww (who has been very quiet this episode so far), Pauly D. and Mike go to work at the Shore Store. Mike is sleeping on the floor in the dressing room. A delivery man piles boxes in front of the dressing room door so Mike says that he was locked in. This working thing is a joke - it made sense the first season because they were broke. Didn't Mike make like $5 mil last year?

Sam wore her contacts to sleep so today she's going blind. Ron is taking her to the doctor. I wonder if this is just a cover up for another butthole visit for Ron.

Ron's mom calls the house and Deena answers. For some reason it sounds like Ron's mother is wasted. She tells Deena "I love you." and "I'm tan." "I am tan." "I look Indian." Deena doesn't know what to do so she hands the phone to JWoww.

She's going on and on about the Ron and Sam drama. The girls pass the phone off to Mike. Yes, big mouth Mike. He tells Ron's drunk mother the story about Arvin.

A little later when Ron and Sam get back, JWoww meets them at the door to ask them to clean the upstairs bathroom and to tell Ron that his mother's been drunk dialing all day. At that moment, the phone is quacking and when Mike answers it we hear "I miss you!!" It's Ron's mom again. He's very angry at his mother for embarrassing him. He hangs up on her.

JWoww tells Sam what Mike told Ron's mom. Got that? Too many people in that sentence.  Sam is pissed.

Outside, Mike is making things worse by telling Ron that Sam definitely wanted to get with Arvin if it didn't work out with Ron. When Sam finds out she goes out there to confront Mike and they swear and argue over each other. I actually have closed captions on so I can read it but it's still blah blah blah.

However, suddenly Mike says "You are the worst argument person ever. All you do is keep repeating 'you're a piece of shit' 'you're a crock of shit'".  I love that he says argument person instead of arguer and that he's actually right.

Mike is going to call Arvin to verify Sam's story that he's just a friend and that she wasn't trying to get with him. I think the name Arvin speaks for itself but I have different taste than Sam.

The guys go inside. When Snooki tells Sam that the guys are mind-fucking Ron, Sam says "totally" and she's making the ugliest face I've ever seen.

I am doing something I have NEVER done before during a recap. I am taking photos of the screen while it is paused with my Blackberry and I'm going to post them here. That's how ugly her face is when she says it.

Am I wrong?

Mike calls Arvin to verify the situation. Arvin says that they've hung out as friends but they've made out here and there. Ron is pissed and heads outside in a 'roid rage. We don't get to see the argument until the season finale next week. Awww.

How did you like the screen shot effect of this episode? Should I do this for other shows when a funny moment comes up or some ugly clothes, awful makeup or hemp necklace?

Teen Mom: Even More Eyeliner, Bananas and Randalicious (from 3/15)

Way to start the night MTV...Miserablyn kicks off the show with her dark clouds and misery.

Kailyn explains to her school friends that Jo is holding her stuff (and Isaac) hostage until she pays him the $600 she owes him.  I don't like that he's using Isaac like that but I'm with him about the money. She is working two jobs now and you mooched off his parents for how long? PAY HIM BACK BITCH!

Kailyn needs black shoes for work and her mom lets her borrow her black Crocs. Classic.

Jo's parents are drinking wine and concerned about how Jo is doing after the issue with Suzi, Kailyn and the cops. He he has everything under control.

Off topic but everytime the camera stays on someone backing out of their driveway on TV or in a movie, I automatically brace myself for someone crashing into them. Am I alone here? Am I just a pessimist?

Kailyn picked up Isaac from Jo's house and his brother wheeled him out to her through the garage in his stroller like he was wheeling a refrigerator out on a dolly. I guess he didn't want to physically hand him over. And does he LIVE in the garage because that's where he is when Kailyn drops off or picks up Isaac?

She calls Jo later to discuss custody and she wants Isaac Monday through Friday and Jo has him Friday night and Saturday night. I guess she plans on some wild dates with Jordan on the weekends and also wants to make sure Jo isn't going out. Somehow Jo agrees to this.

Later in the week Kailyn has Jo's money so she's planning to go get her stuff. She goes out to eat with Jordan and Isaac and Jordan holds the baby like he's carrying out the trash.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HOLD THE PHONE!

Kailyn smiled.

That doesn't last long because it is time to pick up her things. She has a check for Jo but she won't sign it over until she has her things. Jo has everything locked in a room in Angelina-style luggage (garbage bags). A big brawl ensues and Jo is swearing, yelling and slams the door as Kailyn and Suzi walk out. Actually - it sort of looked like Janet slammed the door. Awkward!!!



Chelsea, her dad and Aubree go out to eat to discuss what happened with her and Adam. Wild.

Days later we see Adam and his friends riding four wheelers and dirt bikes in the road. Adam is SO cool, he even pulls a wheelie. No wonder Chelsea loves him so much.

They happen to pull into the parking lot of the same restaurant that Chelsea was at in the opening scene. Maybe Redrossa sponsored this very special episode, along with Monster drink and Subaru.

Adam explains to his friends, one with ugly hair that is sticking out of his hat like he's the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, that he and Chelsea broke up. He says she was too controlling and that he shouldn't have to be home every damn night. I guess his idea of being a dad doesn't involve actually taking care of his daughter.

He says that he's going to miss Aubree, that's for sure with a smile and a laugh. Please let him fall off his four wheeler the next time he pulls a wheelie.

Now that Adam is gone, Chelsea can be friend with Megan again so she calls her and asks her to go to the butterfly place with her and Aubree. 

How Megan gets herself pregnant after seeing what Chelsea has gone through with Adam is beyond me. I don't think she's pregnant while they are filming, I just know this from the tabloids because I guess I'm like a Teen Mom stalker. Not just any "teen" moms...THE Teen Moms.

Chelsea and her dad go out for dessert so she can update him on her life and maybe hit him up for a birthday gift. I guess a house, a car, utilities, food, clothes, hair products, leopard print everything and this dessert doesn't count.  She asks for Lady Gaga tickets.

They order dessert and for some reason Randy is surprised at how fast it comes out. They don't have to cook ice cream dude.

Of course Randy buys the Lady Gaga tickets for Chelsea and her friends and also books a hotel for them. On the way to the out of town event, Chelsea checks her facebook from her phone and Adam left her a nice message wishing her a happy birthday and that he still loves her. If she takes him back again I'm going to...well, do nothing. But I'll be annoyed.

She calls her dad to let him know (whom she calls Randalicious) and then they get to the hotel to load up on makeup and hairspray. They head to the concert and luckily I don't have to actually hear any Lady Gaga music.



Jenelle and Reefer are still heading to New Jersey. It must be a bad neighborhood they are heading to because Jenelle has brass knuckles around her neck. No wait, that's mini brass knuckles hanging off a dirty hemp necklace.

She has stolen...er....borrowed her mom's credit cards for food and gas. While filling up the tank Reefer tells her to use Premium gas. I hope she does and it fucks up her whole car because you can't just SWITCH gas, right?

They reach Reefer's brother Chris' house and he's there with his girlfriend Jana who has one of those bull nose piercings. She pretends to be interested in Jenelle's life by asking about her son and Jenelle tells her that he is "one years old". One years? I don't think Jenelle has one brains.

The four go out to have sushi. How much you want to bet Jenelle's putting that shit on Barbara's card? Sushi can get expensive...but Jenelle orders chicken teriyaki.

For some reason she answers the phone when Barbara calls her. Barb knows that Jenelle stole two of her credit cards. She tells her she no longer has a place to live and Jenelle calmly tells her that she'll be there to get her stuff. Jenelle seems to have no concern about Jace whatsoever.

Barbara tells her that she cannot come in the house or she'll have her arrested and that she can never see her baby again. Jenelle doesn't shed a tear.

They are headed home and since Barbara has cancelled her credit cards, I don't know how they are paying for gas, food and weed on the way home. Wait, they can't use a credit card for weed anyway. How are they going to survive?!?!

Barbara packs up Jenelle's things Angelina-style and puts them on the porch swing.  When Jenelle goes there she walks right past them and into the house. Barbara asks for her credit cards back and Jenelle says she doesn't have them but she won't say where they are. She also tells her that she returned the financial aid check from the college because she no longer lives there.

Barbara starts yelling and I want to cry for Jace. Jenelle is ignoring Barbara completely and she picks up Jace and starts screaming right in Jace's ear. My heart is broken for this little boy. STOP YELLING!!! STOP YELLING!!! STOP YELLING!!! I hate both Jenelle AND Barbara right now.


Leah is working on wedding plans and picking out flowers. She likes the most expensive ones and Corey's mom with her too much eyeliner and Leah's mom with her light socket hair are just cringing. Leah says she worries about having enough money to pay for this...

...and then the scene cuts to a shot of their non-mobile-mobile home and their porch with beams but no railings. Was that on purpose MTV?

Corey's dad and stepmom are taking the twins for the weekend because it is Corey and Leah's bachelor/bachelorette party. Hopefully Corey doesn't wear one of his too tightly curled brim hats to the strip club because he won't get any lapdances.

Leah's bachelorette party consists of a bunch of girls at her mom's house, some weird soap, a squishy thing people stick their fingers in that Leah's mom thinks "it feels like one of them balls", bananas and condoms. Someone even blows up a condom like a balloon and they bat it around the room giggling. I'm sad for them.

This banana condom thing probably should have happened about two years ago...but then again, they wouldn't be on TV if they used birth control.

One of Leah's friends must be named Debbie Downer because she actually says "what if you're missing out on something more." Someone needs to push her off the porch because who says that to their friend at their bachelorette party? However, Leah's mom's house actually has railings so it would be more difficult to push her off than if they were at Leah's house.

I was giving Corey way too much credit when I mentioned a strip club. Corey's bachelor party is a bunch of guys standing around a fire in a field. There aren't many subtitles so I can't understand anything these guys are talking about.

The next day Leah is stressed out about the wedding plans. She should be stressed about how much money she spends on eyeliner because she uses way too much.

Supposedly it is the next day but Leah's still wearing the same shirt, I think. And not surprisingly she's loading up on the eyeliner while talking to her mom. I picture a secret closet in her house jam packed full of eyeliner.

The next day the twins are back home and Leah scrunches her hair for the occasion. She either ran out of eyeliner or ran out of time because she's non-raccoon-eyed upon the girls' arrival.  However, she found a spare pencil because when she talks to Corey about maybe not getting married she's loaded up again. But - this could just be editing on MTV's part.

I couldn't tell you what their conversation consisted of because there were no subtitles. It isn't any kind of cliffhanger about them getting married because we know they are married by now based on their US Weekly article.


I SAW A PREVIEW OF A NEW SEASON OF 16 & PREGNANT STARTING APRIL 19TH!!

Until next week, stock up on eyeliner and garbage bags!

Bad Girls Club: Classin' It Up (from 3/14)

I wonder if there is going to be some maturity, quiet ladies and awesome makeup in this episode?

Kori says that if Ashley walks back into the Bad Girls house she's going to "pretty much wang her". Wang? Like Everybody Wang Chung tonight?

No wanging is going to happen though because Ashley is going home.

Jessica is picking up her brother Aaron at the airport. He is married so why is he visiting his sister at the Bad Girls Club? Jessica shows him around the house, including the bathroom and the "bombay". Yeah, that's a bidet.

Orange Jenn is on the phone with her boyfriend saying that her biggest pet peeve is when people talk about people behind their back...as she's talking about people behind their back. Her boyfriend is not really listening and says he has to go so that he can go eat some Subway.

The girls and Aaron, "minus the dweebs" (Mature Char's words...who says dweeb??) are going out to dinner to a nice restaurant. Aaron's wearing a classy t-shirt for the occasion that says something like "No one can take a Mexican". Jenn is in a puffy dress and she swears and argues with everyone at the table. I really hope this isn't actually a nice restaurant.

Either the Bad Girls house has some super fast handymen or Oxygen fucked up on the editing. When Jenn was on the phone with her boyfriend earlier, they focused in on the broken door handles to the phone room that someone attempted to use packing tape to fix.  However, tonight Nicki is on the phone and when she closes the doors for privacy the handles are intact and no tape in sight.

Everyone goes out for the night...puffy dress, married classy shirt guy, Lauren Lips, the whole gang! There are some scrubby Chippendales there for some reason - Fauxpendales? GenericChippens? Whatever...some are missing teeth and others have some belly rolls. Lauren licks alcohol off of one of their chests and I imagine it tasted like sweat and cologne.

When dancing, Jenn starts making the "oooah? oooah?" sound (you know...like that squawk people make when they are raising the roof?) But she sounds like a pelican that has been harmed in some way.

Aaron is wasted and flirting with the girls. He also can barely walk. Back at the house he walks around in some tighty blue-ies and white sandals. He jumps into bed with Kori. Then in the middle of the night he gets up, takes his underwear off and lays on the floor. The next morning Kori said that he peed in Jessica's bed.

SHUT THE FUCK UP! He's an adult, a married man and gets so drunk while on TV that he pees in his sister's bed and then sleeps naked on the floor. I'm so mortified for his wife. I hope they don't have kids.

The next night or a couple nights later the girls take a limo to go out. The limo driver stops on the way to the bar and they are picking up the new roommate. Her name is Wilmarie, she's not good looking and she's wearing a hideous dress. Hideous. She also doesn't know how to disguse her cankles by wearing certain shoes.

Of course, no one is welcoming. She tells Jenn that where she's from in New Jersey is about 20 minutes away from where Jenn is from. Luckily Oxygen shows us a map to explain. Jenn says she lives in North Jersey and that South Jersey is dirty. However, on the map Wilmare is right, its about 20 minutes away from her...far from "south" Jersey.

At the bar Jenn suddenly looks like she has had a stroke and she's talking out of only one side of her mouth.

Nicki just said "haterade", did one of the armpit fart things with her hand and the new girl tells Lauren to remind her to pee because she WILL piss herself. Oooah! Oooah!

Back at the house we have a better view of Wilmarie's dress and it is even more hideous than I first thought.

While pouring four shots for the new girl, Char announces to her that she farted. On the way up the stairs Char tells her that she's glad that she's 27 like her and hopes she's not immature. Maybe she thinks that not admitting when you fart is immature?

Willy and Jenn are fighting and Jenn is calling her a replacement even though Jenn herself just replaced someone two weeks ago. Willy's dress is so damn ugly I can't get past it.

Jenn is one of those people who thinks that the louder she is, the tougher she is. She also says how she's got class. Anyone who has to tell people that they are classy is NOT classy. That's like how you know they aren't...when they say it.

Willy threatens to throw Jenn in the dumpster and Jenn's response is "Oh with my fuckin' Gucci and everything?" and Willy says it is fake. But wait, Jenn is classy...its real Gucci. We know this because she tells the other girls that she's classy and has real Gucci. Sure Jenn...and that isn't a Member's Only jacket you're wearing in the narrative interviews.

Willy takes off her underwear and pees in the bed. How is it that no one can control their bladder?

Jessica talks to her mother and she tells her that Aaron's wife isn't living at home anymore. GOOD! Who wants to be married to a man that goes on the Bad Girls Club and wets the bed? In the hot tub later Jessica tells the other girls that she hasn't been able to set foot in her brother's house for three years - apparently his wife didn't allow it.

The next day Nicki and Willy are at the Pink Taco discussing the fact that Jenn is their target to get out of the house. When they come back we see that Willy is wearing ugly ass skin tight pants. WTF? She has a plastic bag that says "Fucci" on it and she's talking with a valley girl voice in the confessional. This makes no sense since she and Jenn are both from Jersey and have Jersey accents.

Nicki thinks she's insulting Jenn by calling her "weak sauce". How old is she again?

Willy and her ugly pants are drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon. Gross.

Nicki, Willy and Lauren hang up pieces of paper that say WEAK on it all over the house. Oh snap, burn!!