Teen Mom: Even More Eyeliner, Bananas and Randalicious (from 3/15)

Way to start the night MTV...Miserablyn kicks off the show with her dark clouds and misery.

Kailyn explains to her school friends that Jo is holding her stuff (and Isaac) hostage until she pays him the $600 she owes him.  I don't like that he's using Isaac like that but I'm with him about the money. She is working two jobs now and you mooched off his parents for how long? PAY HIM BACK BITCH!

Kailyn needs black shoes for work and her mom lets her borrow her black Crocs. Classic.

Jo's parents are drinking wine and concerned about how Jo is doing after the issue with Suzi, Kailyn and the cops. He he has everything under control.

Off topic but everytime the camera stays on someone backing out of their driveway on TV or in a movie, I automatically brace myself for someone crashing into them. Am I alone here? Am I just a pessimist?

Kailyn picked up Isaac from Jo's house and his brother wheeled him out to her through the garage in his stroller like he was wheeling a refrigerator out on a dolly. I guess he didn't want to physically hand him over. And does he LIVE in the garage because that's where he is when Kailyn drops off or picks up Isaac?

She calls Jo later to discuss custody and she wants Isaac Monday through Friday and Jo has him Friday night and Saturday night. I guess she plans on some wild dates with Jordan on the weekends and also wants to make sure Jo isn't going out. Somehow Jo agrees to this.

Later in the week Kailyn has Jo's money so she's planning to go get her stuff. She goes out to eat with Jordan and Isaac and Jordan holds the baby like he's carrying out the trash.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HOLD THE PHONE!

Kailyn smiled.

That doesn't last long because it is time to pick up her things. She has a check for Jo but she won't sign it over until she has her things. Jo has everything locked in a room in Angelina-style luggage (garbage bags). A big brawl ensues and Jo is swearing, yelling and slams the door as Kailyn and Suzi walk out. Actually - it sort of looked like Janet slammed the door. Awkward!!!



Chelsea, her dad and Aubree go out to eat to discuss what happened with her and Adam. Wild.

Days later we see Adam and his friends riding four wheelers and dirt bikes in the road. Adam is SO cool, he even pulls a wheelie. No wonder Chelsea loves him so much.

They happen to pull into the parking lot of the same restaurant that Chelsea was at in the opening scene. Maybe Redrossa sponsored this very special episode, along with Monster drink and Subaru.

Adam explains to his friends, one with ugly hair that is sticking out of his hat like he's the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, that he and Chelsea broke up. He says she was too controlling and that he shouldn't have to be home every damn night. I guess his idea of being a dad doesn't involve actually taking care of his daughter.

He says that he's going to miss Aubree, that's for sure with a smile and a laugh. Please let him fall off his four wheeler the next time he pulls a wheelie.

Now that Adam is gone, Chelsea can be friend with Megan again so she calls her and asks her to go to the butterfly place with her and Aubree. 

How Megan gets herself pregnant after seeing what Chelsea has gone through with Adam is beyond me. I don't think she's pregnant while they are filming, I just know this from the tabloids because I guess I'm like a Teen Mom stalker. Not just any "teen" moms...THE Teen Moms.

Chelsea and her dad go out for dessert so she can update him on her life and maybe hit him up for a birthday gift. I guess a house, a car, utilities, food, clothes, hair products, leopard print everything and this dessert doesn't count.  She asks for Lady Gaga tickets.

They order dessert and for some reason Randy is surprised at how fast it comes out. They don't have to cook ice cream dude.

Of course Randy buys the Lady Gaga tickets for Chelsea and her friends and also books a hotel for them. On the way to the out of town event, Chelsea checks her facebook from her phone and Adam left her a nice message wishing her a happy birthday and that he still loves her. If she takes him back again I'm going to...well, do nothing. But I'll be annoyed.

She calls her dad to let him know (whom she calls Randalicious) and then they get to the hotel to load up on makeup and hairspray. They head to the concert and luckily I don't have to actually hear any Lady Gaga music.



Jenelle and Reefer are still heading to New Jersey. It must be a bad neighborhood they are heading to because Jenelle has brass knuckles around her neck. No wait, that's mini brass knuckles hanging off a dirty hemp necklace.

She has stolen...er....borrowed her mom's credit cards for food and gas. While filling up the tank Reefer tells her to use Premium gas. I hope she does and it fucks up her whole car because you can't just SWITCH gas, right?

They reach Reefer's brother Chris' house and he's there with his girlfriend Jana who has one of those bull nose piercings. She pretends to be interested in Jenelle's life by asking about her son and Jenelle tells her that he is "one years old". One years? I don't think Jenelle has one brains.

The four go out to have sushi. How much you want to bet Jenelle's putting that shit on Barbara's card? Sushi can get expensive...but Jenelle orders chicken teriyaki.

For some reason she answers the phone when Barbara calls her. Barb knows that Jenelle stole two of her credit cards. She tells her she no longer has a place to live and Jenelle calmly tells her that she'll be there to get her stuff. Jenelle seems to have no concern about Jace whatsoever.

Barbara tells her that she cannot come in the house or she'll have her arrested and that she can never see her baby again. Jenelle doesn't shed a tear.

They are headed home and since Barbara has cancelled her credit cards, I don't know how they are paying for gas, food and weed on the way home. Wait, they can't use a credit card for weed anyway. How are they going to survive?!?!

Barbara packs up Jenelle's things Angelina-style and puts them on the porch swing.  When Jenelle goes there she walks right past them and into the house. Barbara asks for her credit cards back and Jenelle says she doesn't have them but she won't say where they are. She also tells her that she returned the financial aid check from the college because she no longer lives there.

Barbara starts yelling and I want to cry for Jace. Jenelle is ignoring Barbara completely and she picks up Jace and starts screaming right in Jace's ear. My heart is broken for this little boy. STOP YELLING!!! STOP YELLING!!! STOP YELLING!!! I hate both Jenelle AND Barbara right now.


Leah is working on wedding plans and picking out flowers. She likes the most expensive ones and Corey's mom with her too much eyeliner and Leah's mom with her light socket hair are just cringing. Leah says she worries about having enough money to pay for this...

...and then the scene cuts to a shot of their non-mobile-mobile home and their porch with beams but no railings. Was that on purpose MTV?

Corey's dad and stepmom are taking the twins for the weekend because it is Corey and Leah's bachelor/bachelorette party. Hopefully Corey doesn't wear one of his too tightly curled brim hats to the strip club because he won't get any lapdances.

Leah's bachelorette party consists of a bunch of girls at her mom's house, some weird soap, a squishy thing people stick their fingers in that Leah's mom thinks "it feels like one of them balls", bananas and condoms. Someone even blows up a condom like a balloon and they bat it around the room giggling. I'm sad for them.

This banana condom thing probably should have happened about two years ago...but then again, they wouldn't be on TV if they used birth control.

One of Leah's friends must be named Debbie Downer because she actually says "what if you're missing out on something more." Someone needs to push her off the porch because who says that to their friend at their bachelorette party? However, Leah's mom's house actually has railings so it would be more difficult to push her off than if they were at Leah's house.

I was giving Corey way too much credit when I mentioned a strip club. Corey's bachelor party is a bunch of guys standing around a fire in a field. There aren't many subtitles so I can't understand anything these guys are talking about.

The next day Leah is stressed out about the wedding plans. She should be stressed about how much money she spends on eyeliner because she uses way too much.

Supposedly it is the next day but Leah's still wearing the same shirt, I think. And not surprisingly she's loading up on the eyeliner while talking to her mom. I picture a secret closet in her house jam packed full of eyeliner.

The next day the twins are back home and Leah scrunches her hair for the occasion. She either ran out of eyeliner or ran out of time because she's non-raccoon-eyed upon the girls' arrival.  However, she found a spare pencil because when she talks to Corey about maybe not getting married she's loaded up again. But - this could just be editing on MTV's part.

I couldn't tell you what their conversation consisted of because there were no subtitles. It isn't any kind of cliffhanger about them getting married because we know they are married by now based on their US Weekly article.


I SAW A PREVIEW OF A NEW SEASON OF 16 & PREGNANT STARTING APRIL 19TH!!

Until next week, stock up on eyeliner and garbage bags!