The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Dinner Party From Hell (from 2/15)

Normally I don't think I would recap an episode like this - an entire episode based on a dinner party that was part of an earlier episode. However, because the crazy bitchy Allison Dubois was involved and was VERY weird - I felt the need to talk about it. I also hope we find out more about this electronic cigarette thing. I don't get it.

(from www.allinks.us)



First of all, let me say that I LOVED the show Medium which is based on Allison Dubois. Patricia Arquette plays her and thank goodness she plays her as an actual human being that is likeable. If they had used the real Allison Dubois' personality, no one would have watched the show.

This dinner party is at Camille's house. She is friends with Allison Dubois and definitely invited her over to start trouble. Right away Allison announces that she hasn't had anything to drink yet and that she waited until she got there. That's a red flag soaked in vodka right there. Party, party, party!

Allison is very pretty, its too bad she's such a cuntwaffle.

Kyle is bringing her friend Faye Resnick. I don't know who this is but apparently she was friends with Nicole Brown Simpson and she posed for Playboy at some point in time after the O.J. trial. (This will be pointed out by Camille later on).

In the limo ride on the way, Taylor tells the rest of the girls that Allison Dubois was coming to the dinner party and said that when Allison drinks, she's more likely to get a feeling. Which is actually the exact opposite of the show - on Medium, she drinks to block out the dead people. I think what Camille actually meant was that when Allison drinks she just becomes more of a bitch than when she's sober but we'll see.

Sidenote about Camille: She's one of those people who says things that she thinks are funny and she says it in a way like she's being all nonchalant about it - but then bursts out laughing at herself. This is an annoying trait. People are always funnier when they don't laugh at their own jokes. And when the jokes are actually funny. And are actual jokes.

I don't think I want to be rich because I think they have to kiss everyone on both cheeks and never wear sweatpants.

Everyone is drinking from giant glasses of alcohol. Allison says "It's Saturday...see I'm still young so when Saturday hits I get all excited I'm like 'yeaaahh what are we gonna do, right? And that part of me still comes out."  Ok Allison, you were "still young" in the 80's...now you're just sad.

She's already drunk and everyone is staring at her awkwardly.

Camille must've written herself notes on what to say later on during the party because you can tell she's been thinking about this all night. "So, how do you know Faye? Who is Faye? I know she looks familiar but I don't know who Faye is."  Now keep in mind, Faye is sitting at the table yet Camille is asking Kyle.

Kyle: "She's a close family friend...I consider her like a sister."

Camille, ever so blandly: "Oh that's nice...oh you know where I know her? I saw her naked in Playboy."  

I'm so embarrassed for her that she is playing this off as if she didn't know who Faye was the minute she walked in the door.

Camille "She posed naked in Playboy after the O.J. trial, that's how I know her."

So is Camille saying she has a bunch of Playboys from 1995 that she reviews on a regular basis? Because suddenly remembering a Playboy spread (hee hee) from 15 years ago is not normal.

She plays it off and says she looked great. Then in the interview clip Camille in her subtle joking/laughing mode says "I recognized during the dinner, it was the hair, I think its the extensions and the blown up fake lips...but um...<insert laughs here>."

Ok now my "spread" joke isn't funny because the women used it in the same context. I sincerely apologize at the lame attempt at crotch humor.

Woo hoo, the electronic cigarette has made its first appearance. Allison is holding it as if its a joint and not a plastic butt. Evidently, the "smoke" is actually a vapor. I cannot think of a reason someone would "smoke" this electronic butt except to look like they are smoking a butt. It makes no sense. If she wanted to make it look like a real butt, she should have gone outside to "smoke".

Camille is upset that people are asking Allison questions about what she does because she invited her to be a guest at a dinner party, not to be a show pony. Why, then, did Camille announce to everyone when they walked in that Allison was THE Allison Dubois on which the show Medium is based? UGH.

Lisa Vanderpump, my favorite housewife, asks if her grandmother was there. Allison gives her some bullshit that I am not even going to waste typing out. But then she says to Lisa something about how she (the grandmother) raised her (Lisa) and that's why she needs her.  Cut to Lisa interviewing and she says she lost interest as soon as Allison said that because her grandmother did NOT raise her.

Everything Allison said was wrong and actually just some stereotypical nonsense about English people. She clearly feels uncomfortable that she screwed up so she backs it up with "I was studied by a scientist for several years. I was on Oprah in front of 70 million people. I'm kind of like a drug, once you get one you want it again." Oh well, then as long as you were on Oprah you are definitely the real thing.

Camille claims that the readings should be done one-on-one because personal stuff can come out. She even says out loud "If somebody's husband's cheating on them, she'll know it." Of course by the time this show aired, we ALL knew that Kelsey was cheating on Camille. Epic fail Allison...epic fail.

(from www.painstaking.net)



Allison tells Kyle that her husband will never emotionally fulfill her.  Taylor (in interview) wonders what dead person has all of this information about their emotional fulfillment. Suddenly, Taylor makes sense. Suddenly I like Taylor.

Allison is implying that there will be a split in Kyle's relationship and that Kyle is more comfortable talking to men than she is to women.  Camille jumps in and says "No, that's me...I'm more comfortable talking to men."  She should have known right there that Allison was reading her and not Kyle. Interesting.

Everyone is arguing now and Allison chimes in that she's had books written about her and by her and a show based on her life. Totally relevent to the conversation. 

Camille says she invited Allison because she thought it would provoke interesting conversation. However, Allison told them at the beginning of the night that she was 'off the clock' and Camille kept saying that she was a dinner guest and not a show pony. Is that blonde hair of hers so deep into her skull that she cannot see that she's a walking talking contradiction? 

When Faye stands up for Kyle and tells Allison that she's bored with her, Allison says "Well why don't you leave then? You have two legs, the last time we checked." I assume this was in reference to the Playboy shoot but how is that an insult...knowing she has legs. It would be an insult if she mentioned a furry bush or dinner plate sized areolas. 

Again - Taylor (in interview) cracks me up...I'm not sure why they didn't show her saying these things during the season because I think she would have been more likeable.  This is in response to Allison's leg comment to Faye.

"What is that supposed to mean? Now does she have these like dead people who can chop your legs off underneath the dinner table without you knowing it?"

Best. Comment. Ever.  On RH of BH anyway.

Allison claims that Kyle has achieved nothing in life. I beg to differ...she was in one of the greatest horror movies of all time AND in a classic scary Disney movie with the one and only Bette Davis. She's by far way cooler than Allison because of those two credits alone!!



(pictures from www.movieposterdb.com, www.sitcomsonline.com, www.freecodesource.com, www.mamapop.com)

Taylor grows a pair and stands up and says "ENOUGH!" Everyone stops talking and people get up to leave. As Adrienne pointed out - she should have that sort of conviction with her husband.

I truly wish someone would have thrown something at Allison. Or at least punched her.  She's flipping people off and making the "whack off" movement with her hand. I haven't seen anyone do that since freshman year in high school. She's completely obnoxious.

As soon as the women leave, Allison, Camille and the pointless other friend talk about them. Allison says "I can tell you when she will die and what will happen to her family. I LOVE that about me!" Camille laughs at this because clearly someone talking about death is hilarious.

Allison says that Kyle is a little bitch and she's that girl in high school that made people kill themselves. ????? Camille says something about not being their friend and Allison says "Friends? They can't even SPELL friends." Wow...between that and the legs comment we have some serious insults going on.

(www.funnyjunk.com)



In the limo afterwards, all the women (except Kim who was alone in another limo) talk about Camille's photos from some apparent soft core porn she did.  Yes...the same Camille who just said that Faye Resnick was morally bankrupt because of her Playboy shoot. Faye finds pictures on her phone and they pass it around in the limo and are in shock.

Of course, now my curiousity has piqued and I have to google "camille grammer pics porn".  Ew, ew, ew. She was most definitely naked in some compromising positions. I'm so grossed out.  Don't look.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills REUNION Part 1 (from 1/27)

WHAT is Kyle wearing? I have it paused at the moment and it looks like the same shape when Buffalo Bill cut sections out of the women’s backs but instead it is on Kyle’s shoulders and instead of blood diamonds are showing. Yes, I see later that closer up they are in the shape of some sort of feather. But still. It puts the lotion on its skin.

(from wetpaint.com)

The first letter Andy reads is from someone who tells the ladies that their plastic surgery doesn’t make them look younger, it makes them look deformed. Lovely choice for the first letter. Don’t they all look like that out there in Beverly Hills? We don’t get a lot of people getting plastic surgery in MA.
I was going to say that Taylor’s the only deformed-ish one with the giant duck lips but then suddenly Adrienne was on screen and she looks remarkably like Latoya Jackson.

I LOVE Lisa Vanderpump. I love her, love her, love her.

Andy brings up Camille’s comments about how tiny 3500 square feet was in the New York apartment – we all remember her saying “How can we live here? It’s so small.” But now she says that it was “Kelsey’s issue”. Sure. Then why the fuck did you say it 36 times during that episode? I think she watched the season and planned out all of her excuses ahead of time.

Camille says we haven’t seen the “real” her on the show and that she was villainized.  Andy reads off a list of adjectives that viewers have used to describe her and I agree with every single one of them.

(from wetpaint.com)

Conniving, passive aggressive, narcissist, insecure, catty, jealous, cruel, hypocritical, self absorbed, manipulative, fake, insincere, delusional.

Then Taylor jumps in and says that people sit behind their computers (that’s me!) and say all these things without knowing her – that pisses me off to no end. WE SAW HER SAY THESE THINGS AND ACT THIS WAY. They were not taken out of context and if they were I don’t believe there is a context in which her actions were not self absorbed!

Taylor also says that we (those of us behind our computers) say these things about people who seem to have perfect lives. I just about choked on my Cristal right there.

(from hellobeautiful.com)

(Who am I kidding, I’m drinking tap water). However, I would never trade my life for Camille Grammer’s or any of the women on this show. Taylor is acting like people who say hateful things are automatically jealous.

Do I hear anyone wanting to have Camille Grammer’s life? She seems like a very sad person and she has IBS. Nope. All set. And Kelsey Grammer? Ew. Worst character on Cheers.

Now it is clear why Kelsey wanted Camille to do this show…kept her occupied while he was boinking the girl in New York. Smooth move Frasier.

Did they show the clips of the marriage ending so early in the show so we would feel bad for her and forget how much we hated her? We shall see.

Onto Taylor and Kim. Taylor looks like she has too many teeth. And then “pulling Oklahoma on your ass” sounds to me like she’s pulling her out to the alley to make her have sex with an animal or a family member, no?

(from thegloss.com)

Kim is being an idiot saying she can’t believe Taylor would say that knowing how strongly she feels about domestic violence. Someone stuff something down Kim’s throat now so she can’t speak anymore. Where is that neckbrace…uhh…choker she was wearing in the finale. Tighten that up.

Taylor has a lip IMPLANT, not just collagen. That must feel weird.

I LOVE Lisa Vanderpump. I love her, love her, love her.

What’s with all this fluffy talk? Oh wait, after the next commercial it is Camille vs Kyle! Woot!

Adrienne and Paul are the best couple because they bicker like normal people. Well, maybe they bicker like me and my husband. Is that normal?

Camille claimed she was 30% busier than the rest of the housewives. Huh? Busier doing what? Pooping, I think.

Here we go with the “Why would anybody be interested in you without Kelsey there?” fight.  Camille is a loon. A loooooooooon.

“This whole season was set up to make me look bad.” Camille. ha ha ha ha ha

You can tell she’s insecure and lying because her neck and chest are bright red with hives. She’s claiming Kyle invited her to the show so she had a target…which makes no sense because Camille was the one who started all of the arguments.

Thank goodness there is a part 2 because not a lot has happened in this reunion.

I’m disappointed in the episode and in my recap tonight. Poops. Sorry.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Season Finale

We’ve come to the end of the Beverly Hills series. I have to admit that I was expecting more from the finale. I’m also pissed that my very first reality show recap was of an episode that normally wouldn’t even make it to the water cooler. Well, since I’m unemployed I never make it to the water cooler. I think it wouldn’t have even made it to my Facebook status. Lame.

We start off with a scene from last week in which Camille is in New York for the Tony Awards. Everyone is toasting and Camille is acting so awkward with Kelsey, I felt my face getting red for her. She keeps making it worse and then it was just SAD when she in her big red dress and Kelsey exit the limo in separate doors and the camera stayed on the empty seats as if to portray some kind of metaphor about their deteriorated marriage.



I’ve hated Camille since the first episode – four nannies, bragging endlessly, claiming she needed a surrogate because she has the shits? Ugh. But I totally felt bad for her when she was talking to her friend about Kelsey. And the doorman basically “carding” her?  Ugh. I would have puked right there. Well, I guess in Camille’s case, diarrhead right there.

She then talked to the camera about how Kelsey he kept her basically “caged”, didn’t want her to have friends, go out and do anything, work, etc. This actually could explain a lot. No wonder she acts the way she does. She’s CRAVING attention.


What an asshole the woman is to whom Kelsey is now engaged! I hope she gets IBS, too.

The thing that actually made me genuinely feel bad for her is that she didn’t go to Taylor's birthday party. She seems like she really is hurt. Had she gone to the party and argued or cried – I would have called bullshit on her sadness.


I hope she’s back for next season because once she’s over her devastation, surely she’ll be back to the cuntwaffle she was during rest of the season.

Is it just me or should grown women not have birthday parties unless they are turning 30 or 40 or have six months to live? Bass-Mouth Taylor’s nerdy husband Russell is throwing her a party on a rooftop with a raffle and stuff.  We never end up seeing said raffle which made me sad because I wanted to see what kind of raffle rich people have. My kind of raffle is where you can win a 30 pack of Coors Light.


Russell has a stick up his ass. She obviously married for money because they do not seem compatible. What a terrible, awkward speech he gave her at her birthday. “Its been a wonderful year…um….I really look forward to the next year….and um…happy birthday.” I feel bad for Bass-Mouth in some ways but then I remember she spent like $2.5 million on her daughter’s fourth birthday party and then I don’t feel bad.

I wish Lisa Vanderpump were president. Or my neighbor. Or my therapist. I also love Adrienne and her fabulous sparkly heels! She was definitely not involved enough in this season.  And who the fuck likes raviolis with mushrooms and duck? I don’t blame Adrienne for not wanting any of that food. Maybe she had their limo stop at Burger King on the way home. I would have.  No, I’m lying. It would have been McDonald’s. Big Macs are so tasty after a night of drinking.


Kyle & Kim…the whole season built up to an argument between sisters??? SO DISAPPOINTING.
Days prior to the party, Kyle visits her psychic/medium who is not Allison Dubois. Evidently psychic/mediums are the “norm” in Beverly Hills.  Oh, by the way, how old is too old to wear those giant Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen bug sunglasses? Probably if you’re older than Mary Kate and Ashley…Kyle pay attention.



An even better question, why is Kyle carrying her mother’s ashes and a lock of her hair in her purse?  Yes, yes I know she brought them FOR the psychic but it just felt like she emptied some Cheezits out of a ziploc baggie and put a chunk of her dead mother’s hair in it.

Early in the episode, Kim went up a few points in my book because she’s wearing Converse All Stars, then minus one point for wearing white jeans. You’re too old, Kim…too old.  What is wrong with this family?



And now she’s back in the negative because she just entered the grown adult birthday party wearing a neck brace.  Ok it is a choker but a choker, like it’s 1993. Her dress does not require a necklace because it has one shoulder. I live in a shitty city in Massachusetts and shop at Old Navy and even I know that.  Oh and there’s a matching wristband!

She’s apparently drunk, maybe that’s why she’s dressed that way. She constantly looks like she has to pee. Not just this episode either, her face always looks pained like she’s standing in a line for the bathroom at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

Sisters fighting, pointing fingers in each others faces over and over again. THIS was the big finale?

“You better watch your step.”
“No you better watch YOUR step.”

“No YOU watch YOUR step.”

“I’ve been a great sister to you.”

“No, I’VE been a great sister to YOU".

“I’m the Mary!”

“No I’m the Mary!!”

Oh, that last one is from Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion but it felt right.


Kyle, STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! It’s too long!!!!!!! You’re too old for that hair. Demi Moore is too.

Apparently Kim is an alcoholic so I now feel bad for making fun of her neck brace.  How sad was the shot Bravo used of her to tell her “where is she now” story was her sitting way deep in the limo alone crying?


All in all, I rate this season finale as exciting as a trip to the shitter when you don’t have a magazine and you have to read the back of the Tampon box. I blame Camille.

However, in absolutely tremendously wonderful news, Krazy Kiloren-Bensimmon is back with the New York Housewives (minus Bethenney) on February 15th!!