The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Season Finale

We’ve come to the end of the Beverly Hills series. I have to admit that I was expecting more from the finale. I’m also pissed that my very first reality show recap was of an episode that normally wouldn’t even make it to the water cooler. Well, since I’m unemployed I never make it to the water cooler. I think it wouldn’t have even made it to my Facebook status. Lame.

We start off with a scene from last week in which Camille is in New York for the Tony Awards. Everyone is toasting and Camille is acting so awkward with Kelsey, I felt my face getting red for her. She keeps making it worse and then it was just SAD when she in her big red dress and Kelsey exit the limo in separate doors and the camera stayed on the empty seats as if to portray some kind of metaphor about their deteriorated marriage.



I’ve hated Camille since the first episode – four nannies, bragging endlessly, claiming she needed a surrogate because she has the shits? Ugh. But I totally felt bad for her when she was talking to her friend about Kelsey. And the doorman basically “carding” her?  Ugh. I would have puked right there. Well, I guess in Camille’s case, diarrhead right there.

She then talked to the camera about how Kelsey he kept her basically “caged”, didn’t want her to have friends, go out and do anything, work, etc. This actually could explain a lot. No wonder she acts the way she does. She’s CRAVING attention.


What an asshole the woman is to whom Kelsey is now engaged! I hope she gets IBS, too.

The thing that actually made me genuinely feel bad for her is that she didn’t go to Taylor's birthday party. She seems like she really is hurt. Had she gone to the party and argued or cried – I would have called bullshit on her sadness.


I hope she’s back for next season because once she’s over her devastation, surely she’ll be back to the cuntwaffle she was during rest of the season.

Is it just me or should grown women not have birthday parties unless they are turning 30 or 40 or have six months to live? Bass-Mouth Taylor’s nerdy husband Russell is throwing her a party on a rooftop with a raffle and stuff.  We never end up seeing said raffle which made me sad because I wanted to see what kind of raffle rich people have. My kind of raffle is where you can win a 30 pack of Coors Light.


Russell has a stick up his ass. She obviously married for money because they do not seem compatible. What a terrible, awkward speech he gave her at her birthday. “Its been a wonderful year…um….I really look forward to the next year….and um…happy birthday.” I feel bad for Bass-Mouth in some ways but then I remember she spent like $2.5 million on her daughter’s fourth birthday party and then I don’t feel bad.

I wish Lisa Vanderpump were president. Or my neighbor. Or my therapist. I also love Adrienne and her fabulous sparkly heels! She was definitely not involved enough in this season.  And who the fuck likes raviolis with mushrooms and duck? I don’t blame Adrienne for not wanting any of that food. Maybe she had their limo stop at Burger King on the way home. I would have.  No, I’m lying. It would have been McDonald’s. Big Macs are so tasty after a night of drinking.


Kyle & Kim…the whole season built up to an argument between sisters??? SO DISAPPOINTING.
Days prior to the party, Kyle visits her psychic/medium who is not Allison Dubois. Evidently psychic/mediums are the “norm” in Beverly Hills.  Oh, by the way, how old is too old to wear those giant Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen bug sunglasses? Probably if you’re older than Mary Kate and Ashley…Kyle pay attention.



An even better question, why is Kyle carrying her mother’s ashes and a lock of her hair in her purse?  Yes, yes I know she brought them FOR the psychic but it just felt like she emptied some Cheezits out of a ziploc baggie and put a chunk of her dead mother’s hair in it.

Early in the episode, Kim went up a few points in my book because she’s wearing Converse All Stars, then minus one point for wearing white jeans. You’re too old, Kim…too old.  What is wrong with this family?



And now she’s back in the negative because she just entered the grown adult birthday party wearing a neck brace.  Ok it is a choker but a choker, like it’s 1993. Her dress does not require a necklace because it has one shoulder. I live in a shitty city in Massachusetts and shop at Old Navy and even I know that.  Oh and there’s a matching wristband!

She’s apparently drunk, maybe that’s why she’s dressed that way. She constantly looks like she has to pee. Not just this episode either, her face always looks pained like she’s standing in a line for the bathroom at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

Sisters fighting, pointing fingers in each others faces over and over again. THIS was the big finale?

“You better watch your step.”
“No you better watch YOUR step.”

“No YOU watch YOUR step.”

“I’ve been a great sister to you.”

“No, I’VE been a great sister to YOU".

“I’m the Mary!”

“No I’m the Mary!!”

Oh, that last one is from Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion but it felt right.


Kyle, STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FUCKING HAIR! It’s too long!!!!!!! You’re too old for that hair. Demi Moore is too.

Apparently Kim is an alcoholic so I now feel bad for making fun of her neck brace.  How sad was the shot Bravo used of her to tell her “where is she now” story was her sitting way deep in the limo alone crying?


All in all, I rate this season finale as exciting as a trip to the shitter when you don’t have a magazine and you have to read the back of the Tampon box. I blame Camille.

However, in absolutely tremendously wonderful news, Krazy Kiloren-Bensimmon is back with the New York Housewives (minus Bethenney) on February 15th!!