Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Dinner Party From Hell (from 2/15)

Normally I don't think I would recap an episode like this - an entire episode based on a dinner party that was part of an earlier episode. However, because the crazy bitchy Allison Dubois was involved and was VERY weird - I felt the need to talk about it. I also hope we find out more about this electronic cigarette thing. I don't get it.



First of all, let me say that I LOVED the show Medium which is based on Allison Dubois. Patricia Arquette plays her and thank goodness she plays her as an actual human being that is likeable. If they had used the real Allison Dubois' personality, no one would have watched the show.

This dinner party is at Camille's house. She is friends with Allison Dubois and definitely invited her over to start trouble. Right away Allison announces that she hasn't had anything to drink yet and that she waited until she got there. That's a red flag soaked in vodka right there. Party, party, party!

Allison is very pretty, its too bad she's such a cuntwaffle.

Kyle is bringing her friend Faye Resnick. I don't know who this is but apparently she was friends with Nicole Brown Simpson and she posed for Playboy at some point in time after the O.J. trial. (This will be pointed out by Camille later on).

In the limo ride on the way, Taylor tells the rest of the girls that Allison Dubois was coming to the dinner party and said that when Allison drinks, she's more likely to get a feeling. Which is actually the exact opposite of the show - on Medium, she drinks to block out the dead people. I think what Camille actually meant was that when Allison drinks she just becomes more of a bitch than when she's sober but we'll see.

Sidenote about Camille: She's one of those people who says things that she thinks are funny and she says it in a way like she's being all nonchalant about it - but then bursts out laughing at herself. This is an annoying trait. People are always funnier when they don't laugh at their own jokes. And when the jokes are actually funny. And are actual jokes.

I don't think I want to be rich because I think they have to kiss everyone on both cheeks and never wear sweatpants.

Everyone is drinking from giant glasses of alcohol. Allison says "It's Saturday...see I'm still young so when Saturday hits I get all excited I'm like 'yeaaahh what are we gonna do, right? And that part of me still comes out."  Ok Allison, you were "still young" in the 80's...now you're just sad.

She's already drunk and everyone is staring at her awkwardly.

Camille must've written herself notes on what to say later on during the party because you can tell she's been thinking about this all night. "So, how do you know Faye? Who is Faye? I know she looks familiar but I don't know who Faye is."  Now keep in mind, Faye is sitting at the table yet Camille is asking Kyle.

Kyle: "She's a close family friend...I consider her like a sister."

Camille, ever so blandly: "Oh that's nice...oh you know where I know her? I saw her naked in Playboy."  

I'm so embarrassed for her that she is playing this off as if she didn't know who Faye was the minute she walked in the door.

Camille "She posed naked in Playboy after the O.J. trial, that's how I know her."

So is Camille saying she has a bunch of Playboys from 1995 that she reviews on a regular basis? Because suddenly remembering a Playboy spread (hee hee) from 15 years ago is not normal.

She plays it off and says she looked great. Then in the interview clip Camille in her subtle joking/laughing mode says "I recognized during the dinner, it was the hair, I think its the extensions and the blown up fake lips...but um...<insert laughs here>."

Ok now my "spread" joke isn't funny because the women used it in the same context. I sincerely apologize at the lame attempt at crotch humor.

Woo hoo, the electronic cigarette has made its first appearance. Allison is holding it as if its a joint and not a plastic butt. Evidently, the "smoke" is actually a vapor. I cannot think of a reason someone would "smoke" this electronic butt except to look like they are smoking a butt. It makes no sense. If she wanted to make it look like a real butt, she should have gone outside to "smoke".

Camille is upset that people are asking Allison questions about what she does because she invited her to be a guest at a dinner party, not to be a show pony. Why, then, did Camille announce to everyone when they walked in that Allison was THE Allison Dubois on which the show Medium is based? UGH.

Lisa Vanderpump, my favorite housewife, asks if her grandmother was there. Allison gives her some bullshit that I am not even going to waste typing out. But then she says to Lisa something about how she (the grandmother) raised her (Lisa) and that's why she needs her.  Cut to Lisa interviewing and she says she lost interest as soon as Allison said that because her grandmother did NOT raise her.

Everything Allison said was wrong and actually just some stereotypical nonsense about English people. She clearly feels uncomfortable that she screwed up so she backs it up with "I was studied by a scientist for several years. I was on Oprah in front of 70 million people. I'm kind of like a drug, once you get one you want it again." Oh well, then as long as you were on Oprah you are definitely the real thing.

Camille claims that the readings should be done one-on-one because personal stuff can come out. She even says out loud "If somebody's husband's cheating on them, she'll know it." Of course by the time this show aired, we ALL knew that Kelsey was cheating on Camille. Epic fail Allison...epic fail.


Allison tells Kyle that her husband will never emotionally fulfill her.  Taylor (in interview) wonders what dead person has all of this information about their emotional fulfillment. Suddenly, Taylor makes sense. Suddenly I like Taylor.

Allison is implying that there will be a split in Kyle's relationship and that Kyle is more comfortable talking to men than she is to women.  Camille jumps in and says "No, that's me...I'm more comfortable talking to men."  She should have known right there that Allison was reading her and not Kyle. Interesting.

Everyone is arguing now and Allison chimes in that she's had books written about her and by her and a show based on her life. Totally relevent to the conversation. 

Camille says she invited Allison because she thought it would provoke interesting conversation. However, Allison told them at the beginning of the night that she was 'off the clock' and Camille kept saying that she was a dinner guest and not a show pony. Is that blonde hair of hers so deep into her skull that she cannot see that she's a walking talking contradiction? 

When Faye stands up for Kyle and tells Allison that she's bored with her, Allison says "Well why don't you leave then? You have two legs, the last time we checked." I assume this was in reference to the Playboy shoot but how is that an insult...knowing she has legs. It would be an insult if she mentioned a furry bush or dinner plate sized areolas. 

Again - Taylor (in interview) cracks me up...I'm not sure why they didn't show her saying these things during the season because I think she would have been more likeable.  This is in response to Allison's leg comment to Faye.

"What is that supposed to mean? Now does she have these like dead people who can chop your legs off underneath the dinner table without you knowing it?"

Best. Comment. Ever.  On RH of BH anyway.

Allison claims that Kyle has achieved nothing in life. I beg to differ...she was in one of the greatest horror movies of all time AND in a classic scary Disney movie with the one and only Bette Davis. She's by far way cooler than Allison because of those two credits alone!!











Taylor grows a pair and stands up and says "ENOUGH!" Everyone stops talking and people get up to leave. As Adrienne pointed out - she should have that sort of conviction with her husband.

I truly wish someone would have thrown something at Allison. Or at least punched her.  She's flipping people off and making the "whack off" movement with her hand. I haven't seen anyone do that since freshman year in high school. She's completely obnoxious.

As soon as the women leave, Allison, Camille and the pointless other friend talk about them. Allison says "I can tell you when she will die and what will happen to her family. I LOVE that about me!" Camille laughs at this because clearly someone talking about death is hilarious.

Allison says that Kyle is a little bitch and she's that girl in high school that made people kill themselves. ????? Camille says something about not being their friend and Allison says "Friends? They can't even SPELL friends." Wow...between that and the legs comment we have some serious insults going on.


In the limo afterwards, all the women (except Kim who was alone in another limo) talk about Camille's photos from some apparent soft core porn she did.  Yes...the same Camille who just said that Faye Resnick was morally bankrupt because of her Playboy shoot. Faye finds pictures on her phone and they pass it around in the limo and are in shock.

Of course, now my curiousity has piqued and I have to google "camille grammer pics porn".  Ew, ew, ew. She was most definitely naked in some compromising positions. I'm so grossed out.  Don't look.

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