Bad Girls Club (from 2/7)

DISCLAIMER: I never posted this one from last week because nothing happened but I’m posting it anyway just in case I recap the one from 2/14. I apologize if it isn’t funny or doesn’t make sense, I didn’t even re-read it like I normally do before posting.

We left off last week with the fight between new girl, Ashley and Lauren Lips. Ashley had Lauren by the neck.

I don’t even remember what the fight was about at this point.

Suddenly blondie has Ashley’s hair and will not let go and vice versa.  I can’t imagine how much it would hurt if these girls didn’t have extensions!

People keep separating everyone but they are all running and escaping! Looks like Ashley is leaving in a van as the rest of the girls in Bad Girls Club fashion, throw all of her belongings out in the yard.

Cops came again…no one is arrested.

The next morning, Ashley’s things are in a pile in the yard and that includes a big curly black wig…if I didn’t know any better, I’d think someone was actually passed out underneath the pile of stuff. It was a little creepy.

For some reason, one mattress is lifted up against the wall and there is a towel and a bucket in the middle of the boxspring. I hope someone explains this because it makes no sense at all. Is the ceiling leaking? Did someone use that to puke and if so, why is the bucket in the middle of the boxspring and not on the floor?  Is there some sort of animal sacrifice going on? Is there a human head in there? Perhaps the head that belongs to the hair in the driveway? It could be anything.

The girls go out to the bar in hopes of picking up some guys. Manly Nikki makes out with a guy and her tongue is lapping him up like a dog with his head in the toilet. Gross. Who taught her to kiss like that?

Nothing crazy happens.

The next morning, Ashley walks up – apparently she wasn’t kicked off, she just stayed in a hotel for a day.

For some reason lots of these girls when they are excusing their fighting behavior, they say “I’m from __________” fill in the blank “and we don’t put up with that” or something along those lines. I want to hear one of them say something like “I’m from Fart, Virginia and we know how to fight.”

Real city name…seriously. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1590659/top_50_cities_with_funny_names_from.html

Lauren calls Ashley “an extra” as an insult. She’s SUCH a bad girl. Next she’s going to whip out the “nitwit” or “geekburger” a la Kimmy Gibler.

Jem calls from her on location video shoot with the Holograms. She’s coming back, Ashley picks her up from the airport.

Char is upset that Jem isn’t picking sides upon her return.

Nikki and Lauren go to a tattoo parlor. Lauren gets “GTL” tattooed inside her bottom lip. We have a Jersey shore crossover! Fucking loser.

Lauren gets “fuck you” tattooed in HER bottom lip. Fucking loser.

Char – the person who has thrown clothes, cameras and other’s belongings over the balcony into the yard and the pool – claims that because she is 27, she and her friends are much more mature than the other girls. However, she is angry at Jem for writing on Ashley’s picture that she’s her “best friend”.  Someone get Char a dictionary please! She does not know what the word “mature” means.

We’re now a 1/2 hour in and nothing has happened. BORING. Miami was much more exciting.

The girls get a package the next morning that says “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go to San Francisco!” Since when is San Francisco a “bad girls” place?  It just didn’t sound right.

Shouldn’t it have been Vegas or Miami or something?

Jessica is excited for the “safe deposit box” in the hotel room’s closet.

While preparing to go out in San Fran, Nikki uses a “bump it” in her hair so she has a poof in front like Snooki. (Jersey Shore crossover!) Char says that people are going to be like “I want to climb Mount Everest, can I climb you?”

Crickets…at least on our end. Lauren thinks this is hilarious and probably pees a little. I hope there was something cut out that was actually funny because otherwise this is just sad.

Nikki asks a guy at the bar how old he is and he says “It starts with twenty and rhymes with ‘ive’”.

Crickets.

Seriously Oxygen? This is the shit you’re giving us?

Jem is trying to pick up a guy by talking about her bisexuality. Is she 21 and is this 1999?  It works because she’s making out with him despite the fact that she has a boyfriend. This is the second time she’s cheated.

Suddenly a man in a sailor suit is sitting next to Lauren, trying to get her to talk. I’m so confused.

Nikki is wasted, laying on the floor of the limo, her dress is riding up and down at the same time.

The next day the girls go sailing, complete with a “king of the world” Titanic reference. What’s next a trip to the library to sit through a reading of The Grapes of Wrath? BORING!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m seriously considering just erasing this entire recap because it is just not worth talking about. All of the girls seem miserable and annoying.