Jersey Shore: Yawnfest 2011 (from 2/24)

Good morning dirty mattress with no sheets! Snooki's hookup from last week doesn't want to spoon her so he just takes his walk of shame while Snooki tells JWoww about her vagina being sore from having sex.

Deena, Pauly D. and the Situation head to work.

I'm really unsure of the point of the "job" they have. In the first season they made it seem like the owner of the shop was also the owner of the house and they worked there in order to live in the house. Of course now, these people have a shitload of money and can probably afford a bigger place with useable toilets and certainly don't need to sell T-shirts. 

I guess it is used as a way to show their dedication to drinking and partying because they are always hungover at work and take breaks constantly. Today they are playing games at the boardwalk.  The boss is calling their cell phones because you know everyone that comes into the store aren't buying a t-shirt from him...they want to see the "celebrities" who "work there". Yes, I'm using a lot of "quotes" today.

Ronnie calls his dad. His dad calls him "bro". He comes down to visit. He is a thinner man than I expected. But just as tan. Yawn.

Ronnie's dad tells him "Where ever you go, there you are." This is a quote from The Brady Bunch Movie. He's quoting Mike Brady. Did he practice this? 
I think I'll go for a walk outside now, the summer sun's calling my name, I hear you now, I just can't stay inside all day. I gotta get out give me some of those raaaayyyyss!


Back at the house the boys are trying out the little mini motor bike that The Situation bought for Pauly D up on the roof. I fear for the lives of anyone walking on the sidewalk below. Yawn.

Snooki is phone stalking a guy she hung out with once Nick (not the one from last night, Gianni). He's ignoring her. We hear from JWoww's guy that Nick found out that Snooki hooked up with Gianni because Gianni is cousins with Jeff (Nick's friend) who Snooki also hooked up with. 

Oh what a tangled web of semen.

Oh the toilet is still broken so Vinny is back in there snaking it with a toilet snake...not his snake. As far as what Snooki says, his snake wouldn't fit in there, it would probably clog it worse. Yawn.

The gang, minus Ronnie, head to the club. The girls in their too short dresses are dancing around and the guys are bouncing too. Its too bad Ronnie didn't come because I miss seeing him dance like he's a little wooden marionette puppet. Oh well. Yawn.

Snooki, having gone through a family of "guidos" decides that she likes Vinny. They dance together at the club and when they get home she jumps in his bed. Vinny's not having it. Yawn.

Oh joy. Ronnie calls Sammi on the phone. She offers to come back to be his friend. Please don't. Please don't come back.  At least Ronnie seems to understand this and says (in interview) that he can't stay there if she comes back.

Snooki and Deena put marshmallows all over the house, including on the duck phone. The Situtaion doesn't notice this and it falls off while he's talking. Apparently this is taken as a prank.  So when the girls ask to use the phone to call a cab, the Situation tells them he's doing it for them. However, he tells the cab driver that the destination is Times Square and not "Jenks", whatever that is, and NYC is a surprise. I don't think they'll figure out where they are going until it's much too late.

The boys want to go out to dinner but Mike the Situation is taking too long so they leave without him. They gossip about him during the drive. Yawn.

JWoww and Mike decide to go pick up some takeout and they take JWoww's two dogs with them.  When a car is going to slow, Mike leans over to blow the horn and one of the dogs on JWoww's lap freaks out on him and attacks his hand. Back at the house Mike is eating his meal alone at the table, pretending to be having a conversation with the other roommates who are not around. He's also drinking out of a giant pitcher instead of a glass.  BOOORRRIIIINNNGGGG. Yawn. Yawn.

Oh Joy. Sammi's coming back. I should just go drown myself in a vat of tanning oil now but I think I'll be dead from boredom by the end of this episode anyway.

Commercial comment: I hate Miracle Whip. I don't know anyone who likes Miracle Whip. Gross. 

Snooks and Deena realize now that they are headed into the city - because they can actually see the city out the window. They finally tell the cab driver to turn around. Yawn.

The guys all ate too much so they come home, burp and lay down. Wild night on the Jersey Shore, guys. Yawn.

The girls pretend that they had a wonderful time clubbing in NYC but they are still angry at Mike. How could anyone believe that they were out having fun in NYC when they were only gone long enough for the cab to make it CLOSE to the city and turn around? Yawn.

I love love love love Pauly D. He's pretending to be angry at the girls for being angry at him for not telling them about the cab going to NYC.

We end this boring crappy episode with Sammi returning to the house. Even next week's preview doesn't look great.