Bethenny Ever After: Season Premiere (from 2/28)

I loved Bethenny so much during the RH of NY because of her quick wit and her one-liners. She cracked me up. I think she and Jason are such a cute couple and holy crap does Bryn look like her dad?

I wasn't sure if I was going to recap this because typically my recaps are to make fun of the show (even though I love it). I don't want to make fun of Bethenny...but we'll see how this goes!


The first thing I notice is how skinny she looks. I know she just did an interview with US Weekly about being obsessed with being thin (umm...yeah, you're "brand" is "Skinny Girl"). She also had her baby around the same time I had mine - so of course I compare bodies. BAD IDEA. She was teeny tiny within just a few weeks. So in this premiere, she looks frighteningly thin, maybe because her boobs look gigantic? 

She's talking about how she doesn't know about things like when she's supposed to have a will or a life insurance policy. Yeah, that's me.  She's glad that if something happened to her, her money would go to Bryn and not Jason to spend on his new 'ho and her pink cardigan.

So Bethenny and her friend Lauren go to a bra store. Now I've been to NYC several times but I never noticed things on awnings like this bra store. It says "Linda's" (as in the name of the store) and next to it in block letters "BRAS FROM 32AA - 42G".  Is that necessary? I would think that a bra store would need to announce if it has sizes OTHER than those. I mean, if I had a bra store and we sold 48HHH I'd advertise that.

Bethenny's never been properly fitted for a bra - me neither. Probably because prior to having a baby I was always just 34-A. I probably should go and get measured now. Do they have sizes called Saggy-B's?

Ok...she comes out in a bra and I see her stomach and I want to go and throw up everything I've eaten for the last year and a half.

Bethenny, Jason, Bryn and Cookie are headed to Jason's parents' house in Pennsylvania. Once in the car, Bethenny asks "Did Cookie just shit in the car?" and Jason's response was "It wasn't me." That cracked me up for some reason.

They stop to pick up a cake for Jason's mom and Jason needs to find the shit smell in the car. They discover it is on the floor mat in the driver's seat. Bethenny goes to get the cake and Jason lets Cookie out of the car, off her leash - right in NYC! The poor dog runs into an open store and Jason can't go after her because Bryn is in the car. I'd be like "Dude...camera guy...help me out" but he doesn't and Cookie comes running out darting into the street. Luckily, people have stopped their cars to watch what TV show is being filmed so she's not hit.

Jason's mom is Jason's twin sister I think.

A friend of Jason's stops by and he looks like he's trying to look 19 and wearing a shirt that says "I (heart) HOT MOMS". WTF? He knew he was going to be on TV and this is what he chose to wear? His hair looks like a toupee and a bad one. It is kind of like a mullet wig and he says he drives 120 miles to get his hair done. Holy shit.

The next day they take a walk "downtown" which is basically nothing...and looks exactly like my "downtown" except we have hookers, homeless and drug dealers there. But the empty storefronts are the same! Bethenny would be mortified coming to my city of about 40,000 people...the armpit of the state.

They go to a coffee shop and I think they are in my city. There are even people peeking over the walls and around corners to see the "TV people" just like when Fox 25 does their zip trip to my city.

Oh I'm so embarrassed that this girl went up and asked for her autograph. What am I saying, that'd probably be me except I'd be sweating profusely.

At dinner that night everyone is staring. It is so uncomfortable I want to fast forward. To make things worse, Jason brings up possibly moving to California. Jason's parents look like they are going to drop dead.

Why is Jason suddenly using Jersey Shore grease in his hair?

Oh my...lots of discomfort about visiting his parents. I know she's had huge family problems and so it is weird for her that Jason is so close to his family.

(I'm sick of typing Bethenny, its an awkward name to type, so from now on, she's B).

Thank goodness, its the next day. However, Jason's dad is talking about Bryn coming to visit all the time. So they are talking about it again. I do feel a little bit for his parents, they lost their other son and this is their first (and possibly only) grandchild. B is a bit too blunt with them so I just wish this weekend were over!

Jason's mom mentions Thanksgiving, jokingly and B gives her dagger eyes. She laughs it off and says "First we have to get through Halloween." I think I did see some sharp objects fly out of B's pupils. She says that they HAVE to do things on their own as a family, have some holidays on their own.

I'm so torn here because Jason and his family are just so sweet but I understand the smothering feeling B must be getting. She isn't used to this good old fashioned family honky tonk.

I don't know what that means.

B & Jason head to Partner's Pub (sorry if you don't live near me that joke is lost).  Drinks are in plastic cups and the shots are blue.  I feel like such white trash because B would totally think I'm white trash. HA!

B says that she has no roots and Jason's friend says something like "you have roots here now" and I almost cried.

And again I almost cried watching Jason's parents stand on the lawn, smiling as they watch B & Jason drive away.  I'm not even drinking.