The Real Housewives of OC: Where's the Beef? I mean...Where's the Salad? (from 3/27)

Tamra is headed to Cabo with Vicki for a vacation. This should be fun. Watching Tamra's face not move and listening to Vicki say "woo hoo" or raving about insurance.

The place where they are staying is beautiful. They do tequila shots in the wrong order. It takes them three tries to get it correctly.

They go out for dinner and I feel bad for the waiter because they are just talking to him way too much. Vicki is giving Tamra a homework assignment to do about friendship. She must have been talking to the Atlanta ladies about their friendship contracts.

Ok they order salads for dinner and what is brought to them are NOT salads. One is a terra cotta cup that is smaller than a coffee mug and has lettuce stuffed in it.  The other is a stack of tomatoes and mozzarella. They need to talk to Elaine Benes about ordering a "big salad".

Even worse, we find out that there are raw fish on Vicki's Caesar salad.

Sunbathing time the next day and discussions about last season's fighting. Didn't I say last week that they need to stop talking about LAST season and come up with some new drama?

Tamra talks about how she's having "fun sex" because Eddie is so hot. No. He's gross. And it is gross thinking about her having sex. She says that they had sex for five hours to Lady Gaga. Ok he's gay and pretending that she's a man I think. And who has sex for five hours? Dry vag much? Charlie horses? All set.

And with Lady Gaga in the background? I'd rather have Vicki stand behind a curtain and yell "Woo hoo".

Now Tamra contemplates getting vaginal rejuvenation and she calls it a va-jay-jay. She needs to stop using catch phrases that are not only overused but from a few years ago! Earlier she said "Hell to the no". Tamra STOP.

Oh no, now Tamra is requesting that people do body shots off of her. GROW UP TAMRA! 18 year old girls who need attention and really drunk bachelorette party attendees do this. Not someone in your 40s. She's really, really annoying.  She says (in interview) that "While in Cabo, do as the Cabonians do." Someone please muzzle this woman immediately.

Vicki is embarrassed and rightfully so - telling Tamra that she's a mother of four. THAT thought didn't even cross my mind. I would have to move to another country where Bravo doesn't come in if that were my mother.

Tamra is hungover at night and they are talking on the balcony. Tamra's wearing a bedazzled hat but it isn't the one with the evil eye. She looks super manly tonight. 

They discuss their friendship and Tamra says the phrase "you're so boss."  Did she pick up a book called "Overused Catch Phrases"?  All she has to do is say "What happens in Cabo, stays in Cabo" and this week will be complete.



Gretchen is meeting with Alexis for drinks and they both have so much makeup on that I feel like I need to go wash my own face right now.

They discuss marriage and how Gretchen is afraid of it since her first marriage failed and then her fiance died.

Alexis says that she was married before Jim and even though that is biblically wrong, her god is forgiving. So it is ok to break the rules because all is forgiven no matter what? Sounds crazy to me. To each their own.

Anyway, Gretchen mentions how she wants to have kids someday. Alexis says "I know you'll get pregnant out of wedlock." Why would she say that? Judgemental much?

Alexis is starting a dress line like every other housewife. All you have to do is find a designer and tell her what you like. And this designer has a face that is even more frozen than Tamra's so I guess Alexis doesn't have to worry about her giving her dirty looks when she doesn't agree.

Peggy is helping out with a documentary about post-partum depression. I have depression (unrelated to having a baby) so I actually felt proud of Peggy for talking about all of it. Some of the things she said are really difficult to admit and she's doing this on television. She went the holistic route because she tries to stay away from prescription drugs so I can't relate there, but this was actually a refreshingly truthful segment of this show. I can't say anything bad about her. Right now anyway.

Peggy and her family are going to Palm Springs for a little vacation. I'm sure the babies love lounging on a bed in the sun. The dad takes the older daughter, London in the pool while Peggy eats something really gross shaped like Vicki's salad in Cabo. She casually says to her other daughter Capri (who is like 1) something about making sure she takes the knife away.

All of the sudden there is blood all over the baby. I'm not talking prom night for Carrie White, but there are big drops of blood on her. Peggy just keeps saying "Oh my god, oh my god, where are you bleeding from? Are you ok? Oh my god." The baby isn't noticing a thing but Peggy making such a big deal about this is going to teach this little girl to be terrified at the sight of blood!

Apparently it wasn't the knife, it was a frame of some sort. Peggy is flipping out and insists that they need to go to the hospital because Capri cut her finger slightly. Is this how hypochondria starts?

At the hospital Capri doesn't even get a band aid.  Peggy's husband (in interview) says how with Peggy's post-partum anxiety and depression, she doesn't just pop a pill and say I'm fine, it's a gradual process. Hey fuckhead - those of us who "pop pills" don't immediately feel fine either and it is a lifelong process. Moving on...



Gretchen takes her dad out to lunch and the waitress introduces herself as "Sam". Somehow, Gretchen's father thinks it is appropriate to say "S & M?" Gross dude. You're old, you're married, you're sitting with your daughter, you're embarrassing the waitress and you're on television. So many things wrong.

Her dad doesn't seem to like Slade but Gretchen wants kids so apparently she's willing to be with Slade Smiley just so she can have kids. Awesome decision making.