If Gretchen says Tubba Wubba in the first segment I'm going to stop watching this show forever.
Slade Slimey is taking Gretchen to a surprise location for her birthday.
Gretchen reminds him that he's not making any money and she's basically supporting him. Apparently he paints...like paintings and Gretchen thinks he should sell them so that he's bringing SOMETHING in for income.
She really knows how to kick her men in the balls. Not that I don't think Slade deserves it but come on...break up with him if you agree that he's a loser.
Slade takes Gretchen to his friend's art studio where they are eating a
He says that they are going to create something together after they eat. He hands her a present wrapped up and she says "What did you get me?" Total side note: I HATE when people do this. Someone hands them a wrapped present and they have every intention of you opening it RIGHT THEN...and they ask "what is it???" Open the fucking thing and you'll find out.
Slade bought her white painter's paints.
The thing is, this gift would be a cute and fun for most people. Obviously Gretchen wants something that she needs to insure so she's not grateful.
However, another surprise is that Slade's painter friend has painted a portrait of Gretchen. She's happy about that gift. She probably thinks she can sell it because of her Real Housewives fame.
When it comes time for Slade to bring the painting home, Gretchen is annoyed with it. He's carrying it in and she says "Really?? Where are we going to put this?" Slade wants to hang it in the bathroom. GREAT spot!
Alexis is over at Vicki's house for some wine to make amends. Alexis says she wants to do what Jesus would do. I didn't realize he got plastic surgery and "designed" dresses.
Speaking of the dresses, Alexis tells Vicki how she's starting her own dress line and she's designing. Vicki is questioning the whole thing, of course. You can't just wake up one day and say "I'm going to design couture clothing." Even the woman she's working with isn't a designer - she did hair and makeup. This sounds promising.
Vicki points out that Alexis is young (because Alexis was saying "I'm not stupid under all this."). Alexis says "Well, I have a 48 year old husband with lots of life experience."
Cut to Vicki in interview...making the "jerk off" motion. Suddenly I love Vicki. That won't last.
Peggy, her boobs and Micah go to a restaurant (Border Grille) where they want to hire the owner/chef for a dinner party. They were surprised that the specialty was Mexican food. Apparently the word "border" was lost on them.
They completely insult the chef by saying they would like to lean more to a steakhouse type cuisine because Mexican would be good if they had like a pool party or something.
Peggy laughs but then pretends to be frowning. Pretentious snobs.
Then they try all this food that looks delicious but Micah basically hates everything. Why did they choose this restaurant? I hate Micah right now.
Vicki's daughter Briana is going to Vegas for vacation and she's telling her about how she should never leave her drink alone and be careful. Uncle Bill got "roofied" in Vegas. He was drinking with some lady and the next thing he knew he woke up nude. Why did Uncle Bill tell this story to the family?
When Briana arrives in Vegas she must call Vicki immediately to check in. Vicki wants her to text her when she gets in that night. This girl is 23 years old...not 16. For some reason the cameras are with Briana in Vegas. Not that I don't like Briana...she's probably the most sane and normal person on this show but this seems like quite a filler.
While smoking (hookah) two lesbians come over and act as though Briana and her friend are getting baked. One even says "You just got a really huge hit!" ?????
Tamra, Peggy and Peggy's boobs are going to walk in a fashion show. They go to the designer's place to try things on. Tamra looks weird, short and dowdy in her outfit. Peggy and her boobs come out in a dress and the designer is not happy that her boobs are going to beat the rest of Peggy's body to the end of the runway because they are so enormous.
Suddenly Jeana walks in looking really stoned. Tamra looks like she's going to poop her pants. She doesn't say hi to her. I guess Jeana is friends with Simon. Jeana feels bad for Simon. As much as I hate Tamra I do NOT feel bad for Simon.
Jeana is giving Tamra the third degree about her new boyfriend, Ugly-Maybe-Gay-Eddie. I think that's what it says on his driver's license.
Alexis thinks that because she gets compliments on her clothes that she should just "launch a successful dress line". Jumping the gun there with the "successful" comment.
She's meeting with her dressmaker to go over what they have. She explains to us (the viewers) what "couture" means.
"Couture is.....a term put on a design...a dress.....if its um....I guess....super....rich."
Ummm...no.
cou·ture (k
-t
r
, -tür) n.
1. The business of designing, making, and selling highly fashionable, usually custom-made clothing for women.
2. Dressmakers and fashion designers considered as a group.
3. The high-fashion clothing created by designers.
The second dress that Alexis tries on is hideous. It has wings, basically. Alexis goes to get scissors and just starts CUTTING this dress that her partner slaved over. She cuts a sleeve off. The woman is horrified.
Peggy and some subdued boobs go to the place where the fashion show will be held. Tamra doesn't show up for practice. Peggy is going to host the fashion show. I'm not sure if her boobs have a part in that. We'll see.
It is time for the show and Tamra is freaking out. She doesn't think she can walk in the fashion show because there are so many people out there. She was nervous to practice walk in the store so I don't know why she thought she could do this.
Peggy's boobs do not have a speaking part for the hosting.
Peggy walks the runway and for some reason one arm comes up like she's a pimp.
When Tamra walks out she does some duck lips and throws up a peace sign. Class...all class.
They go out to sit with Micah and Ugly Eddie.
Fernanda is at her gym and Lynn, the ex-OC Real Housewife is there working out. Tamra was supposed to go but she cancelled at the last minute. This leads Fernanda to tell Lynn about how she and Tamra kissed at Tamra's birthday party last year. Fernanda's ex-girlfriend owns the gym with her and she's finding out about this kiss now (it happened when they were together AND when Tamra was married to Simon).
BORING.
I have been waiting ALL episode for Tamra to throw a piece of paper or a napkin in Jeana's face...I thought that was this week? Am I crazy? I did bump my head today pretty hard but I didn't think it affected my reality TV section of the brain.
In case you didn't record Watch What Happens after the show we learned that there's an Alexis Couture that is a porn star! Pretty fitting for Jesus Barbie...
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