The Real Housewives of OC (from 5/15)

Alexis is wearing jean shorts that can pass for denim underwear. She's shopping for cowboy boots for her trip to Texas with the girls.  She thinks that she can get cowboy boots that have 4 inch wedge heels. She's expecting more "bling" on the cowboy boots. I'm not sure she understands what a cowboy is.

Who buys cowboy boots and a cowboy hat for a TWO DAY trip to Texas?

Also - she's trying on the boots barefoot. Gross.


Vicki the slave driver is at work forcing her "people" to stay late. She calls Tamra on speakerphone and we find out that Simon is in jail.  He went to Tamra's house the night before swearing about their dog and he threw the leash at her so she called the cops. He did this in front of their kids so they arrested him.

Tamra's attorney wants to see pictures of the leash that was allegedly thrown at her head by her ex husband. She needs to file a temporary restraining order against him. Ugly Eddie thinks that the leash is heavy. Yes, very heavy duty dog leash for a 10 lb dog.

Jeana is getting involved with Tamra and Simon's business. Jeana's a weirdo, fighting Simon's battles apparently.

Tamra is of course late for her court date because you know she thinks she's a celebrity. She makes Eddie sit in the car and three hours later she comes out and says that the DA decided not to press charges due to lack of evidence.  I guess the plastic dog leash didn't leave a mark.

Later on Vicki and Donn go out to dinner together. Of course not alone because they'd kill each other. Tamra and Eddie join them.  Tamra needs a drink and Vicki asks her to tell Donn about what happened with Simon.  Eddie excuses himself to go to the bathroom and on his way out he puts his finger to his head like a gun. AAAAHHHH HA HA HA HA! Getting sick of Tamra, are we?

After explaining the story to Donn - which is really a non-story...a dog leash and no charges pressed? LAME! - anyway, Tamra wonders where Eddie is and Vicki thinks maybe he has diarrhea and that anyone hanging out with Tamra for 24 hours would have diarrhea.

Eddie returns to the table and says that he wanted to avoid the Simon conversation - that was why he left the table. They decide to talk about something else.

Not one of the four of them knows what a Zamboni is. They keep calling it a Zambuka.  Some guy wants Vicki to drive one for being a businesswoman or something. People in Orange County are weird.

Tamra decides the very next topic should be about how Jeana texted her about Simon. Way to keep your man happy, bitch! Eddie looks at her like "What the fuck?" I wish he would walk out.

Finally...Donn remembers that it is called a Zamboni.

Days later Tamra meets with Jeana on a park bench. She confronts Jeana about saying that Tamra ruined Simon's life.

Jeana somehow thinks this is her business and questions why Tamra called the police. She says that Simon wasn't even there anymore when she called! Interesting...Tamra didn't mention this...she made it sound like she called 911 seconds after the plastic dog leash bounced off the floor behind her.

Back at home or at Eddie's Tamra is crying. She shows Eddie a printout of Jeana's Facebook status that said "Maybe the tape on Tamra's mouth should be permanent" (referring to the naked photo shoot she did with Fernanda). I wish she would have mentioned how many people "liked" that status.



Gretchen is in Texas being driven around in a Hummer-Limo.  She picks up the girls at the airport and everyone has cowboy hats. I'm so embarrassed for them. It's like people who go to concerts wearing the concert T-shirt of the band they are seeing...or going to Disney World in a Mickey Mouse costume.  You do NOT fit in.

Alexis admits that she went to test-drive a mechanical bull before going to Texas. I'm even more embarrassed now.

"The girls" are Alexis, Peggy and Fernanda??? They are suddenly friends with her? Tamra's lesbian friend?

They all head out and they are all wearing giant heels except for Fernanda. Gretchen falls down. I wish they all had fallen down.

At lunch the subject of Gretchen/Slade/Marriage comes up. She asks the women how they knew it was "the one".  Maybe she should have asked that before she got married the first time and engaged the second time. Why is it suddenly so pressing that she know this? Because he doesn't have money so it isn't an automatic YES?

Peggy says that she had a "list" and you know Alexis had to compete so she said "I had 150 things on my list, honey!"

One of Peggy's items was that the guy couldn't have any roomates. For some reason Alexis thinks that should be a given. She jumps in with her items. Something about Jim liking her because she didn't have to pee all the time. What?

Everytime Gretchen asks Peggy a question, Alexis answers either right away or shortly after Peggy tries to speak. Peggy says that she wouldn't have married Micah if he hadn't had his own business or had roommates. So love isn't important to these women at all and they are fully admitting it.

Gretchen surprisingly calls them out on their gold digging ways but no one cares.

Alexis tells us how she doesn't believe that Fernanda is really married because of her religion. Again...love doesn't matter to her.

The girls are headed out for the night and they are drinking champagne in the hummer limo on the way. Alexis is pouring it down her throat and is wearing the denim underwear again. I don't know that Jim would approve of this. Or Jesus.

Inside the BBQ place where they are chowing down, Alexis is supposedly drinking straight vodka in a plastic cup. She's wasted and annoying. Jim's going to be soooooo pissed. She's licking a chicken leg like it is a penis. 

She then tells us (in interview) how she used to have an eating disorder.  Since she's drunk at dinner and eating a bunch of food, she decides to squirt ketchup all over the food so she won't eat it.

Alexis said that she's able to come to Texas on the girls' trip because Jim realized how miserable she was. She also says that out of 10 of her friends, 8 of them cheat. Time to get new friends.

They head to a place called Cowboys Dancehall. The three blondes are like those annoying girls we all knew in high school who would drink a beer at a party and start laughing and falling down everywhere. Fernanda seems the most normal - she can handle her liquor and isn't screeching.

Alexis immediately starts bouncing her fake boobs up and down. She starts dancing with Fernanda on the dance floor. Seriously Alexis...she was talking about Fernanda having to "answer to god" because she is a lesbian? People in glass houses shouldn't throw silicone breasts.

Mechanical bull riding time. Peggy isn't allowed because of her recent boobie surgery.  Fernanda goes first and it is boring, she falls off.  Gretchen goes and it goes very slow so she doesn't fall. Alexis in her denim underwear climbs on.  You can hear whistles like it is a strip club.

In the hummer limo afterwards Alexis makes a comment that Peggy's lips are bigger than hers. Peggy is pissed. I think Peggy's mouth is bigger but not her lips. But why would they be fighting about this - they both paid for bigger lips so shouldn't you WANT your lips to be bigger than the next person?  Wasn't that the point?