Pregnant In Heels: Weird Awkwardness (from 4/13)

Rosie's strange looking assistant is asking to get out early for some kind of fashion posing thing. I'm confused and distracted by his hair.

I have to say I don't like Rosie's accent.

Today her first client is Tanya. She mentions that they live in a multi-million dollar apartment and has expensive taste. Ok braggart alert!

She's also vain because she is horrified by her pictures when she had her daughter so she wants Rosie to help her be "camera ready" for when the baby is born. NO ONE IS LOOKING AT YOU BITCH. LOL.

Most people look terrible after having their baby. I was sweaty, exhausted, swollen, fat...you name it. But I was holding the love of my life in my arms. I didn't care what I looked like. Here I am.

Back to the show...the mommy IQ test and the walk-through of the house is next. There aren't locks on the cabinets that are low to the ground with lots of glasses in them. Not exactly safe.

Tanya is two weeks away from her due date and she's worried about her makeup and having a baby shower (which I think is tacky for a second baby, especially when you're rich and can afford your own baby stuff).

She wants a gay assistant. To plan a pre-baby bash? Is that the shower? Or another party.

Anyway, they are interviewing for the assistant position and the first guy who has a bit of a lisp says his idea for the party would be like a circus.

They ask him to describe more and he says "kind of like...ducks."

Rosie's face here shows the confusion we all have with this response.

He then elaborates. "Like ducks, fish, turtle. Kind of like a petting zoo...but not really."  What kind of circus is this? And what kind of petting zoo would have ducks, fish and turtles? And why is it kind of like a petting zoo, but not really? Because those animals aren't "pet-able"? Or they will be fake like stuffed fish and turtles hanging from the ceiling?

The second guy is ok with picking up nursing bras and breast pumps because he's picked out people's vibrators before. Moving on...

This is a man.

Rosie asks if he has any entertaining skills and he starts singing a jazzed out version of the ABC's. It is quite awkward.  Then he does some runway walking with some vogueing.

The last interview, Dan blows them away. So she has her gay assistant, complete with the nerdy eyeglasses and pegged jeans.

She's very high maintenance and needs to pick out a perfect cocktail type dress for the party so she's running Rosie's assistants ragged.

Dan runs around the city wearing blue pants and suspenders. Tanya keeps calling him every 30 minutes to check to see where he is with everything. If she has time to call him, she has time to call some places to get some of the things she needs done. I don't like her. I do like her more than the mom last week who called her baby a life sucking parasite.

It is the day of he party and and there is no entertainment.

One thing that is annoying me is when someone new is on the screen, the TV show puts the person's name and who they are in the little box. But BRAVO keeps advertising for other TV shows and it covers up the name. HELLO?

Rosie calls in her assistant to be the entertainment. Ok this is what he does. Flock of Seagulls hair, sequined tops, singing and dancing. The dancing looks more like cheerleading.

Tanya gave birth and had a boy. Rosie comes with a dress, a hairstylist and a makeup artist.  Thankfully, it isn't as bad as I thought and it isn't like moments after she gives birth that she needs her makeover for photos. But still...a little vain.



Ali is the next client. Her belly is enormous so she must be close to the end. She isn't doing so bad with the baby poop IQ test.  Her issue for which she needs Rosie is that their sex life has taken a dive since she got pregnant. Of course, that is normal - there are those people who do it MORE when they are pregnant but I think most lose interest. Anyone who has been pregnant knows how uncomfortable you can be with a giant baby belly and all of the other things that come along with it.  I assume MOST people don't call on a Pregnancy Concierge for this issue. How about asking your OBGYN or midwife? Weirdos!

What is also weird is that they have a camera set up in their room so Rosie can see how they interact.

Rosie brings in a professional sex therapist to speak with them. She wants them to get rid of the TV from the bedroom. Who can fall asleep without watching TV?

The therapist asks Ali's husband how often he's masturbating and he doesn't want to answer that question (of course he doesn't - he's on TV how embarrassing is that?!) Rosie tells the camera that "for somebody who misses sex that much, Adam sure gets awkward discussing it." No I think he's awkward discussing playing with himself on television.

For some reason this sex therapist has a handy little bag of dildos.

This makes everyone feel uncomfortable.  Well me and the couple are uncomfortable. Rosie and the sex therapist think this is a totally appropriate conversation.

This is ridiculous. This guy can't wait until a month or so after having the baby to have sex? They are going through all of this so they can work on doing it for what...a couple more weeks? Dude - just let her relax for fuck's sake.

On another day, Rosie takes Adam to a driving range to discuss the sex because he'll feel more comfortable talking about it in a "manly" place. No offense to any golfers (my husband golfs) but golf doesn't scream manly to me. An ice hockey rink? Yes. Some nice lawn with nerdy clothes and tapping balls? No.

He says that he thinks Ali should FORCE HERSELF to have sex with him. I wish Rosie would whack him in the nuts with that golf club.

She decides to give Adam one of those pregnancy suits to wear so he can see what his wife feels like. He seems to be understanding that sex is the furthest thing from her mind right now.

Rosie sends Ali and Adam on a "babymoon" to a nice hotel.  They are very awkward. I am sure it is because the camera but it they are making me uncomfortable.

A week later Ali is having contractions so instead of a doula, midwife or a doctor...they call Rosie! She rushes over and they head to the hospital in a cab. I think Ali may have learned hypnobirthing because she is as calm as hell. Once they get to the hospital, Rosie takes off. So...she rushed over to their place to ride in the cab with them to the hospital.  Again. Weirdos.