Pregnant in Heels (from 5/3)

Melissa is a former model and needs Rosie's help for throwing herself a big baby shower. No one should throw themselves a shower. Ever. Especially someone who has a house like this:

Her husband shows us a picture of them at their wedding when Melissa was 105 lbs and said "We need to get her back to looking and feeling that way."  Someone hit him, please.

Melissa tells her giant staff that because of the prenatal yoga, the baby's head is down. Yeah, that's not from yoga...it is something that normally naturally happens.

Rosie arrives at the house and doesn't even say hi to anyone except Melissa and asks to see the house. It was a little weird. Anyway, they go to the baby's room and he is going to have two closets. The first closet has clothes that will fit him from 0-6 months. Rosie says that she could change the baby's clothes every 4 hours and never wear the same thing twice. He has four pairs of sunglasses.

She does NOT need a baby shower.

Rosie is now introduced to all of the staff...a house manager, a baby nurse, a prenatal educator, personal traier/nutrionist and a doula.  What the fuck does she need Rosie for??

Ok she said that she's not having a baby shower it is a charity event. Thank goodness. Melissa has an event planner as well and she needs Rosie because she's well known. I'm not even pregnant and I feel like throwing up.

For the charity event they are having a pregnancy fashion show and they are doing it at their giant house.

The runway isn't done yet and Rosie is flipping out. Melissa is freaking out because she looks enormous in her red silky dress. Why didn't she try this on beforehand?? Luckily Rosie has a black one that looks much better but Melissa feels like she is going to a funeral in it.

Rosie goes downstairs to make sure things are going well and waits at the bottom of the stairs with everyone for Melissa's grand entrance.  Melissa comes down the stairs in a different dress - it is not a "Rosie Pope" design...according to Rosie it is a "Jersey Mumu". She's pissed. I kind of don't really blame her - she donated a bunch of her designs for the fashion show and here the hostess isn't wearing her design.

However...I don't feel bad for Ms. Snobby Pope (you'll see why in the second half of this recap).

Holy nipples!

When Rosie goes to visit Melissa after she had the baby I get that twinge of newborn baby envy...but that doesn't last long.




Lisa is Rosie's assistant's sister's friend. Got that? She's not a millionaire client like Melissa but she needs help.

All of us regular people have babies and get our houses ready on our own...I just can't see paying Rosie to help.

Lisa is a musician and she sings in an all girl rock band. Unfortunately Lisa sings a lyric from a song and it doesn't sound good. People just shouldn't break out into song unless they are Celine Dion or something.

Ok Lisa really does need help because her and her husband's place is decorated with weapons basically.  The husband is pissed off because his He-Man sword collection is being disrespected. They also have records hanging on the wall with push pins. Might as well pour rat poison all over the floor and instead of a mattress in the crib, fill it with peanuts and sugar.

They have absolutely nothing for the baby. Lisa is 31 weeks along. I'm annoyed at them too but Rosie turns into a bitchy snob and says "Everywhere I look there's hazards, there's like knives on the wall, knives down here I can pick up and stab myself with. You have to think of what a baby needs first and this place is not ready for a baby. You guys need to grow up."

Ok Rosie - maybe you should use proper grammar and say "there are hazards...there are knives" not "there is."

They begin cleaning immediately. The guitar on the wall has a sticker that says "Fuck you, you fuckin fuck" and Rosie wants to take it down. The husband thinks that because the baby can't read yet, it's ok.

Lisa doesn't realize that a giant shelf of CDs could fall down on the baby. Seriously? Ok - maybe not everyone can do this on their own. I am scared at the lack of common sense in this world. I'm a little bit scared for this baby.

The husband thinks that Rosie is trying to take away their identity. Holy shit you fucking idiot. You can't have swords and rickety shelves around when a baby is coming.

Rosie and her team go into Lisa and Steve's apartment while they are out and they redecorate and babyproof. I'm scared of Steve's reaction because the "nursery" is their bedroom and Rosie has painted it for a baby.

I'm just going to start calling Rosie Snobby Pope because she keeps pointing out how these two are not her typical clients (aka poor) and she's not used to working with such a small space (aka shitty apartments).

They like the living room and they seem to genuinely like the bedroom as well. I didn't notice that the mural on the wall had one of the little bunnies was playing a guitar. However, I swear Lisa just called it a pony. I'm not rewinding it to find out.