The Real Housewives of OC (from 5/9)

Tamra is out with Lynne. She confronts Tamra about the kiss with Fernanda and Lynne asks if they are an item. Where has she been that she doesn't know about Ugly Eddie?

Tamra explains that the night they kissed she was so incredibly drunk that she could barely walk.  She’s in her fucking 40’s and she’s still getting fall-down drunk and having lesbian experiences. Ugh. I want to push her off the chair she’s sitting on and kick her ass.  I'm not sure why I had to say push her off the chair first because that would be implied if I was kicking her ass. I think I just like to picture someone (me) pushing her off her chair onto the floor.

Peggy and her boobs go over to Alexis’ house to drink and discuss the drama from the dinner party. I think it must be in the Real Housewives’ contract that they must meet up to discuss previous events over drinks and/or food at least once an episode.

Alexis tells Peggy the truth about why Jim wasn’t at the party – he just didn’t want to hang out with that crowd. Alexis tells the camera that lying isn’t right but that her god will forgive her because that’s what he does.  Right…you can do anything bad you want and ask for forgiveness or confess your sins and you’ll be ALL SET! Convenient.

I guess one of the issues was Micah and Jim discussing Lamborghinis. Oh the problems rich people have!

Vicki is making dinner and when Donn asks if he can help, she completely ignores him and just sighs a few times. She seriously hates him.  Awkward!

Gretchen is going to Texas to be on a TV show to show her makeup and handbags. Is QVC in Texas?

Slade is trying to figure out how they will be getting all the items to Texas. He doesn’t want to spend extra money to bring all the stuff so he thinks maybe Alexis can put some of the makeup in her bag.  (Alexis, Peggy and Fernanda are also going to Texas). Classy.

Slade's mom Liz comes to visit and actually says that Gretchen needs to work harder to pay all of Slade's bills (back child support). HA! When Gretchen goes to the store Slade and his mom talk about his income and he tries to say that he's getting income somewhere other than from marketing Gretchen.

Maybe someone is paying him to use greasy oil in his hair, otherwise why would he look like that?

Liz then thinks that maybe Gretchen's father retires he will give Slade his business. HA HA! Liz is funny.

Ok, Gretchen is in Texas to do the "San Antonio Living" show. Gretchen is really hoping she can have the success that Bethenny had with her "brand". Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.

Peggy, her boobs, Tamra and Vicki are going on a wine tasting crawl. Peggy tells the girls about the reason behind Jim not attending the dinner party. They seem shocked that someone doesn't want to hang out with them.

Tamra is wearing white jeans, a furry vest and screams "woo hoo" when they walk into the winery. You're TOO OLD TAMRA!!!

Peggy and her boobs says "I would like to cheer..." Unless she has pom-poms under the table, I think she means "toast".

The "ladies" ask the guy at the winery to guess their tastes. Somehow this prompts Tamra to say "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere." I hate her.

At the second place, the guy pouring the wine gives them white first and then asks if they are ready to go to the dark side (red).  Tamra says "I went to the dark side a long time ago, baby."  I vomited.

Vicki is horrified because she assumes Tamra is making a sexual reference about Eddie being Latino. She says that the guy (wine guy) is obviously Mexican and he interuppts and says he's Puerto Rican. I'm so embarrassed for everyone involved.



Tamra is having dinner with Fernanda to look at their naked photo shoot pictures. Tamra confronts her about telling Lynne about their kiss. I'm again distracted at how awful Tamra looks. I think maybe Simon used to pay for her plastic surgery and now she doesn't have enough money for upkeep.

She looks especially bad next to Fernanda who looks about 20 years younger than her right now.

Alexis is at her photo shoot for her dress line at a hotel. She wants a photo of her on every single label. Her assistant guy (bowtie boy) does her makeup. We see her without eyeliner and eyeshadow and she looks SO MUCH YOUNGER!

Alexis tells us "I'm impressed with myself!" Oh my.

Jim shows up wearing a butt ugly shirt. He starts telling Alexis exactly how to stand for the photos. He looks like an old pervert.

Alexis (in interview) tells us how the bible says the man's role is to be the decision maker (vomit) but that this is "my baby". If she calls her dress line her "baby" one more time I'm going to send my vomit to her in an envelope.