Previously on The BGC, Jem of Jem and the Holograms aka Sydney cheated on her boyfriend with some random guy with those big ugly holes in his ears. The strange thing is, she didn’t have sex with him – she gave him a hummer and she was all excited about “getting some”. Ummm, Jem I think the only thing you got was oral herpes.
Her boyfriend comes to visit and Nikki told him that Jem cheated on him. Nikki also accidentally sliced up Blondie’s (Kori) hand with a purse. Evidently a purse made of razor blades.
Everyone hates Nikki and wants her to go home. They have a house meeting about it but Nikki claims “I run this house” and she is not leaving. The other girls scribble on her picture like a TRUE bad girl in hopes she’ll leave. Surprisingly, the markers don’t change Nikki’s mind.
Lauren, who doesn’t look like a bad girl at all, puts bright red lipstick around her mouth as if she just has one long lip instead of an upper and a lower lip. Why? She looks like Bozo the Clown. She just needs Jem’s hair color and some big shoes.
Since one girl went home in the very first episode, a new one is coming in to replace her. The new girl’s name is Ashley. She keeps using “is” instead of “are” so I hate her already. She also looks like she’s about to turn 14 but with a body of a short stripper.
Ashley shows up at the house while all of the girls except Nikki are gone. So of course, those two go out to eat at the Pink Taco. I thought that was a strip club because isn’t a pink taco another word for a vagina? However, they are actually eating tacos and there are no visible vaginas.
Later that night, Ashley is going out with the rest of the girls. She tells the girls that back home she doesn’t really have friends that are females. She’s one of THOSE types…”people don’t like me because they are jealous.” The girls’ plan is to get Ashley really drunk but then when she falls down they make fun of her and say she can’t hold her liquor.
The camera guys aren’t playing around in this episode, for half of the conversation in the limo the girls’ heads were cut off and we just saw boobs and legs.
Commercials…I of course fast forward through them but I stopped forwarding on the one right before the show came back on and it happens to be for Vagisil. Marketing at its best!
Char announces another house meeting. Since Nikki won’t get out of bed they will bring the meeting to her. This involves carrying Ashley’s drunk ass as if she were a dead body. Jessica didn’t want to leave her passed out because “she’s part of this house, she gotta roll”. At least I think that’s what she says. However, they don’t roll her, they carry her and flop her on a bed so she can be at the important meeting.
The meeting is only to tell Nikki that she should leave. Char doesn’t look 14 but she acts like she is. She’s throwing all of Nikki’s clothes, shoes, wallet, etc. out over the balcony into the pool. She hit Nikki in the head with a pillow and started a staring contest. Their faces are about 2 inches away from each other.
I don’t know who won the staring contest but Char needs to shave her armpits so she loses automatically. She also loses because in some of her “confessional interviews” she’s wearing a turtleneck with a big necklace stuck to it.
The next morning all of the girls are sleeping on the floor instead of in beds. Are they just used to passing out on the floor so they don’t even attempt to get in bed?
Nikki files a police report about the damage that Char has done to her property. She makes sure that her “crocheted Uggs” are on the list. Check.
The cops are there taking Nikki’s statement and Lauren Lips is just sitting there with a bottle in her mouth as if her tongue was stuck inside it. Not tipping it back, not drinking it…just putting her lips around it. Advertising, I guess. I’m sure there was a dark red ring of lipstick around that bottle too.
The next day Jem gets some information online that her “uncle has been bombed in Afghanistan” and she must go home. Of course Char thinks that there are other reasons she’s leaving because she’s just a bitch. Yup, that’s right I said it. But who am I to say…maybe the Holograms need Jem back home to shoot a truly outrageous video?
That night, all the girls quickly get ready – which means snapping hair in for Kori and side braids, a romper and red lips for Lauren.
Ashley announces to the girls that she’s better than all of the girls but they all hear “prettier” so they are angry. All fired up already, they are heading out to the limo and some blonde bystander says “Bad Girls my ass!” This starts a whole lot of finger pointing in the face and smacking themselves in the chest. What a letdown.
Nikki’s clothes are still all over the yard and in the pool. It looks like the biggest white trash house west of Jersey Shore. Char basically apologizes to Nikki and now she’s diving down in the pool and getting Nikki’s clothes out. No surprise, Kori, Jess and Lauren Lips follow suit and turn against Ashley instead. I just think that now they realize that Nikki is ugly so she’s better to go to the club with than Ashley.
Ashley stays home tonight because her one friend is coming to visit. The friend walks in and her name on the screen is “Ta’lor”. I wonder if she did that just for the show. Ta-apostrophe-lor brought some friends and they write some bad words on the other girls’ pictures. Damn these people are HARDCORE.
The girls come home to Ashley’s guests and they are not happy. One of Ashley’s friends says to Nikki that she’s gonna “sleep a bitch”. Huh? I think she might be friends with Brandi from the Miami season who says “Brandi been sleep!”
They are really clueless as to what the word sleep means. Either that or I’m not up on the fighting lingo.
Lauren Lips is angry at Ashley for bringing these guests in and confronts her. They push each other because that is allowed in the BGC. Lauren Lips is up against the counter and now Ashley is dirty dancing with her just to fuck with her. Manly Nikki comes in to separate them and Ashley kind of pushes her in the face and then grabs hold of her dress.
One of the male friends is in the middle of it and I can see him panicking, it is hilarious.
Suddenly Ashley has Lauren Lips by the neck and the hair and there are lots of people (including the crew) breaking it up. The episode ends with a big pile up in the corner.
Looks like Ashley’s going to end up having to go home already but we won’t know until next week!
Until then, I be sleep! Me is sleep. I’m’a sleep a bitch.
Should we have Jessica crochet us some Uggs?!
ReplyDelete