We start off with the continuation of Nene and Kim’s fight. Nene threatens to toss Kim out the winda’. They are arguing about the fact that Kim wants her assistant “Sweetie” and Kandi’s tour manager “Don Juan” to stay with them for the weekend. Nene thought it was just a girls weekend for Cynthia. Insert many, many voices talking over each other here.
I want to say I feel bad for Kandi but what the fuck was she thinking going on a bus tour with Smokey Smokerson?
The girls are all meeting up in Miami for a little “bachelorette weekend” for Cynthia before she marries her old man. If that is even going to happen. They seem to be fighting a lot lately. He might ground her so the wedding might be off.
They are staying at some friend of Kim’s estate and I was surprised to see a dinosaur out front. Maybe it’s like a Jurassic Park themed weekend?! I can’t wait.
Arriving at Dino Land, Nene gets off the bus walking like a giraffe or an elephant…must’ve been a long ride. She and Kim continue their argument as Kim and Sweetie smoke away.
Is it just me or are you all clearing your throats constantly while watching Kim and Sweetie smoke like chimneys? I feel like I smoked a pack just watching them.
Kandi’s hair has got to go. It’s like one of those bristle brooms that just got bent from overuse.
Back to the “estate”. It is really strange. Was that a random old man sitting on a bench or was that a statue? There are stuffed dogs and pigs sitting on toilets? I guess it isn’t Jurassic Park.
Oh and there’s a giraffe!!! LOL.
P Diddy, Gloria Estefan and Rosie O’Donnell are neighbors of the taxidermy man. Barbeque time!!
After the commercial Kim and Sweetie are smoking again. My throat hurts, they need to quit. Even worse I think they are Newports. Now my chest hurts.
Is Cynthia modeling astronaut-wear? No…those are just her sunglasses.
After an awkward dinner in Maniac Mansion we have made it to the day of performances.
Nene keeps saying “I thought it was a girls weekend but everyone’s here so I called Diana”…is Diana a man? Her reasoning behind inviting Diana is that other people invited men so she can.
The taxidermy guy is licking his lips at Kim in her little yellow romper as she’s smoking butts. Sexy.
Cough…cough…phlegm.
Off to the last show on the bus tour…where is this one, at a 7/11? Kandi brushed out her broom bristles for this one so it must be somewhere fancier. Oh yes, it is on a boat dock.
Smokin’ more butts…cough cough.
Kim “performs” ‘Tardy for the Party’ in her yellow romper and Phaedra thinks she did well because she shook her “little” boobs. Not sure where she was looking.
Is the DJ continually playing the sound of breaking glass on purpose? I thought so during Kim’s performance but he kept doing it during Kandi’s. It makes sense to ME with the breaking glass because Kandi’s voice is very screechy…but you’d think she would have been insulted.
Back to the house of horrors, statues and dead animals.
Diana has arrived and I think she is a woman…but I’m not 100% sure yet. I don’t remember her at all but Kim has called her The Hulk.
I don’t like Diana already. He is claiming that he doesn’t like drama but he’s laughing and pointing and talking down to Kim. He doesn’t fit in with the ladies.
more butts…cough cough
Who works out on a vacation weekend? Not Kim…she’s busy smoking butts and having her period.
Now we’re off to Cynthia’s bathing suit runway show. I hope she’s not having her period.
I was as surprised as Nene at how much of a butt Cynthia had!! She looks better than I expected!
But here are Sheree and Phaedra saying she’s fat. Sheree said that Cynthia could never model her line because her samples are size 4 and 6 and that butt is clearly a 12.
Phaedra said she looked like a pretzel dunked in cottage cheese. I’m not sure on that analogy…it makes a big difference if she means small pretzel sticks or big rods or a big soft pretzel? Insults shouldn’t be so difficult to understand.
If they think she’s a size 12 and cottage cheesy, they really need to look at my body even 8 months after having a baby. Its like cottage cheese dunked in cottage cheese with purple lines.
Smokin’ butts!
Back to the museum of wax and taxidermy for another meal.
Cynthia is now remembering all the stress she has about the expensive wedding and I’m continually getting annoyed. When you don’t have money, you don’t spend it on a giant party to show everyone that you’re marrying your father.
There are people living on the streets and starving…here is Cynthia crying because she probably won’t be going on a honeymoon with Daddy Peter and she needs to pay for 200 guests to attend her wedding. Boo fucking hoo.
I’m glad Kandi got rid of the broom bristles but now she has a two toned mullet. Kim needs to pass some wigs on.
Phaedra “We’ve got strippers on deck”! Best line of the night!
Man, after this depressing day I can’t imagine the party being any kind of fun. Oh wait, Lawrence is going to do imitations and he is perfect at ALL of them!!!!
Uh oh, sex talk time. Blow jobs. Bad breath. Stripper time!
Phaedra is an entertainment lawyer…so she represents “entertainers of the night” aka gross male strippers. Do strippers often need representation?
Ew and they are sweaty too. Can I sue Phaedra for bringing sweaty strippers?
Season finale next week…Cynthia’s wedding drama. Daddy’s drunk and Kandi’s bristles are back.
Whoomp there it is!!!
I loved this one! I laughed all the way through it! I just started reading your recaps and they are on point! Keep em comin!
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