Survivor: Redemption Island (from 3/2)

Starting off with chills down the back of my neck. Giant fuzzy spiders with night vision cameras. I think I might have peed a little.

Matt is on Redemption Island with Franchesca. He had been so confident that he didn't even bring his things with him to Tribal Council so hopefully he's wearing his underwear.

Back at orange camp, Boston Rob is telling crazy Phillip that he can be in the alliance with himself, Grant, Ashley and Natalie (I think that's her name). I'm not sure if he's just stringing him along because he's clearly easily manipulated (which is frightening since he was a federal agent) or if he just knows he could win against him in the end.

Great, after the commercial there is a bright yellow snake on the TV. Why don't I just watch this show from the bathroom?

At purple camp, two members are able to go to Redemption Island to watch the duel between Franchesca and Matt.  Two guys are going - I don't know their names well yet - they need to be crazy for me to remember them. At orange camp, Andrea (Matt's tribe girlfriend) and Ashley are going.

Whoever wins the duel stays on Redemption Island until the next person gets voted out and the loser goes home. We have no idea when the Redemption Island person will return to camp, but I'm sure it will be after the merge or they will go back to the other tribe as some sort of twist.

Matt and Franchesca have to tie together sticks to reach three keys and pull them back without dropping them. Well, Matt sucked at first on this, Franchesca had two keys before he had one but on her third key, her stick broke a bit. So now they are tied. Jeff's play-by-play is irritating and is probably making them so nervous.  It is making me want to punch him or throw poop at him like a monkey does.

Matt ends up winning and Jeff announces "MATT STAYS ALIVE!" and everything is quiet. I guess I expected there to be clapping, but this is not Three's Company and it is not filmed in front of a live studio audience.

When Matt is told to go back to Redemption Island he scoffs a bit and Jeff asks him why. He says that it is nothing like the camp back at Ometepe (aka orange) and it is tough being alone. That wus just got there the night before and he wasn't alone, he was with Franchesca who has been out there with all the frogs, snakes, cameramen and spiders.

The purple guys get back to their tribe and lie to Russell about who won at Redemption Island. Not sure why that matters.

Russell and his two chicks are looking for the Immunity idol. They decide to make a fake one to throw everyone off. Seems kind of silly but the young pawn, Stephanie is excited about it.

Russell has lots of pus filled red bumps under his armpits. Gross.

The other six purples talk about maybe throwing the next immunity challenge just so they can vote Russell out.

The challenge involves three people strapped to a big wheel. The wheel turns and the people are forced underwater where they need to fill up their mouths with water and spit it in a tube. After that I didn't pay attention to what was needed to win, as I was holding my breath as if I was underwater. I hate that I do that. I almost passed out watching The Abyss.

After the water vomiting wheel of death, it is a puzzle. Purple team is clearly throwing the challenge.  I actually feel bad when orange team wins and they are excited as if they earned it. But, they did get a couple of chairs, blankets and tarps and as an added bonus they get crazy Phillip for a few more days.

Russell suspects that they threw the challenge but you'd have to be a complete moron to not realize it.  He figures out immediately what the others' plan is - to have 3 votes for Russell and 3 votes for another. Then with the tie, revote would be for Russell.

Stephanie is super pumped because she talked to Julie who is part of the other six and she thinks they are all set now and Julie is with them. Sure, the child convinced the "old lady" to join her.  I'm hoping Julie is not turning and joining the puss armpit league.

Russell knows how to play but he somehow manipulates the ladies because Stephanie is swinging from his balls right now. At Tribal Council she's making an ass of herself and I'm embarrassed. I think even Russell is embarrassed for her.  She can't keep her mouth shut, I feel like maybe she has been licking frogs or drinking vodka.

The first vote goes as planned...3 votes Russell, 3 votes Crazy Stephanie and 3 votes hairy Ralph. Of course the revote is against Russell so he is headed to Redemption Island. I think I smell Stephanie shitting in her string bikini bottom.